adBlockCheck

My Mom Is Totally My Best Friend

Top Headlines

Recent News

Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.

Weddings vs. Eloping

Many couples who don’t want to put the time and money toward a wedding simply run off and get married in secret. Here is a side-by-side comparison of planning a wedding and eloping

EPA Urges Flint Residents To Stop Dumping Tap Water Down Drain

FLINT, MI—Citing the significant health and safety risks that it poses to public infrastructure and the local ecosystem, the Environmental Protection Agency released a statement Thursday urging residents of Flint to discontinue dumping tap water down their drains.

New OSHA Regulations To Cut Down On Workplace Mutations

WASHINGTON—In an attempt to address the troubling number of genetic transformations occurring in workplaces across the nation, the United States Occupational Safety and Health Administration unveiled new regulations this week aimed at reducing on-the-job mutations, sources confirmed.

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Upcoming Changes To U.S. Currency

Secretary of the Treasury Jack Lew recently announced a series of significant changes to U.S. currency. Here are some of the more notable alterations on the horizon
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

My Mom Is Totally My Best Friend

I swear, my mom is the coolest. She's totally my best friend. If I'm stressed out about something, I can just call her, and she'll be like, "Hey, what's up?" and she'll just sit and really listen to me.

When I'm with my mom, I can totally just be myself. I can tell her anything and she'll totally understand. It's like we have this bond or something.

It's almost as if she's my sister, only better, since my sister Jessica and I totally hate each other.

I can't even begin to tell you how important my mom has been throughout my life. Ever since I was young, she's totally been there for me. She should get an award for "Mother Of The Year" or something. I'm serious.

She totally deserves it.

When I first went away to college, we were both completely bawling. At first, I thought it would be hard to stay in touch, but you know what? We actually became closer! When I was in high school, sometimes we would get into fights about stupid stuff, but now that I'm out of the house, it's like we're both adults, and we can talk as total equals.

I swear, I can talk to my mom about anything. Like, even though I'm not 21 yet, if I go out to the bars with some of my Alpha Chi Omega sisters and get totally drunk, I can tell my mom, and she's completely cool about it. Sometimes, she even tells me crazy stories about times she got drunk in her sorority days.

My friends are so jealous of my relationship with my mom. They're like, "I can't believe you went to Cancun with your mom, and you can, like, talk to her about sex and stuff! I could never do that with my mom!" That's how cool she is.

My mom has been such an inspiration to me. I really look up to her, not just as a person, but as a woman. She's a lawyer and she has this huge office with really classy-looking furniture, and she has this assistant she makes hail cabs for her when it's raining. Plus, she still looks amazing even though she's 48. I always tell my mom that she's such a hottie! I hope I look half as good when I'm her age.

If anyone asked me who I look up to most in the world, I would definitely say my mom and Meg Ryan. My mom has taught me so much, like that I can succeed in anything I want if I just put my mind to it. Isn't that just the best advice? You know, my mom is always willing to help me, too. When I forgot to register for Biology 201, she called up the dean and told him that with the tuition she pays, they'd better let me into that class. And you know what? They did! Besides being smart, my mom is so amazingly cool. She has incredible taste in cars and clothes. None of my friends would ever be able to trust their parents to pick out their college car. Well, my mom surprised me with an Isuzu Trooper! It's like we're on the same brainwave or something! And my mom and I can totally have fun together. Like last month, she came to visit me, and we got a room at the best hotel in town just so we could hang and de-stress after my midterms. We spent the whole afternoon shopping and getting makeovers at this awesome day spa.

We've had a lot of fun times together, but she's totally helped me through some really rough spots, too. When Zach and I broke up, she was the one who helped me see that I was way too good for him.

Oh! I totally forgot to mention one of the biggest reasons why my mom is the greatest mom in the whole universe. Not only is she is way into letting me borrow her stuff, we're the same shoe size! Isn't that just so cool?

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close