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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

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FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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No Matter What Happens Tomorrow, At Least I Had Fun

It’s been quite a campaign, hasn’t it? Just think of all that has happened over the past 16 months. I’ve traveled all over the country, spoken to millions of people, and my campaign has gotten the entire nation talking about illegal immigrants, radical Islamic terror, violent crime, and so much more. Obviously, nothing would make me happier than for Americans to go to the polls and choose me as their next president. But regardless of what our nation decides tomorrow, at least I can say that I had fun.

Whether I win or lose, the bottom line is that this whole thing has been a really, really good time for me. Honestly, I enjoyed every minute of it.

If I don’t get to keep challenging the place of women, minorities, the disabled, people of different faiths, and fact-based journalists in our society after tomorrow, then no sweat. I can just walk away knowing it was a nice time while it lasted.

Right from the beginning, when I announced my candidacy, I stirred up all kinds of deep-seated passions with my remarks about Mexican Americans, and I still can’t help but smile every time I think back on it. That was fun. Some people condemned me, others praised me, and many spent months of their lives closely considering what I had said and attempting to determine how my words, if carried into policy, would affect millions of people. But me, I just got to say it, which was fun, and watch people react to it, which was also fun.

And that was just the beginning, of course. I came up with a ban on Muslim immigrants. I participated in a bunch of debates. I even got to set much of the Republican Party’s 2016 platform, laying out how one of the nation’s two major parties would govern 320 million people if I were elected. Talk about a great time. Sure, coming up with policies that would impact large swaths of the population, affect every corner of our economy, and alter the direction of the nation for decades to come was an honor, but really, it was more than that: It was a fun way to pass the time. Honestly, one of the most fun things I’ve ever done.

Just think about it: Everyone in the country had to listen to me lay out my vision for America every day for months and months and months. And ultimately, it’s not that big a deal either way whether people choose to accept it or reject it at the polls, because in the end, I had a total blast. And that’s what’s most important to me.

Looking back on it now, it’s hard to list all the times I got a kick out of this campaign. There were all the times I talked or tweeted about border walls, the role of women, rounding families up, media bias, gun deaths in our cities, defaulting on the national debt, disregarding treaties, using nuclear weapons, and on and on. People seemed to get really worked up about all that stuff, which was a ton of fun to watch. I’m not always sure where I came up with those talking points, but if I’m being honest, that was part of the fun. Believe me when I say that all the chanting, all the rallies, all the thinkpieces, all the online discussions, all the canvassing, all the strongly worded op-eds, and all the confrontations between people on either side was, at the end of the day, just really satisfying, and something no one can ever take away from me.

So you can see how, even if I don’t wind up with the most electoral votes in the general election, this has all been very worthwhile for me on an individual level. Will I be disappointed if Hillary Clinton wins? Of course. But did I have fun? Yes, I did. So there’s that.

And if I don’t get to keep challenging the place of women, minorities, the disabled, people of different faiths, and fact-based journalists in our society after tomorrow, then no sweat. I can just walk away knowing it was a nice time while it lasted.

But don’t be surprised, though, if come Wednesday morning, I’m carrying on about how the election was rigged, or saying whatever else I can to keep the good times rolling. I’m a guy who likes having fun, and I’m pretty sure I can keep having my fun by making any claim I like about the electoral system, or political corruption, or the Constitution, or the press’s role in all this, or the active subversion of the people’s will by a shadowy cabal of elites. In fact, that sounds like it would be a ton of fun—I bet I could keep that kind of fun going for many more months, if not years.

And you know what? No matter what happens, thanks for being a part of this with me. I couldn’t have had all this fun without you.

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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

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