adBlockCheck

Normally I Enjoy Your Pornographic Web Site, But This Time You've Gone Too Far

Top Headlines

Recent News

The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race

Report: Nobody Fucking Cares

NEW YORK—According to a brief but conclusive report released Monday, nobody fucking cares. “Doesn’t fucking matter,” read the report in part, which went on to inform readers that no one gives two shits, so fuck it.

Mom Sleeps In Past Sunrise

WOBURN, MA―Noting that she had somehow managed to sleep through both the dawn chorus of birds and her neighborhood’s early morning garbage pickup, 53-year-old local mother Laura Maloney confirmed that she did not awaken Monday until after the sun had risen.

Facebook Clarifies Site Not Intended To Be Users’ Primary Information Source

‘No One Should Really Be On Here More Than 15 Minutes A Day,’ Say Executives

MENLO PARK, CA—Addressing concerns about the site’s alleged bias in how it displays news stories in users’ feeds, Facebook executives held a press conference Thursday to clarify that the social network was not intended to serve as anyone’s primary source of information, and that its 1.6 billion active users should, at most, be spending 15 minutes on the platform in a given day in the first place.

Heart Attack A Real Wake-Up Call For Man’s Insurance Provider

HARTFORD, CT—Saying the incident had forced them to completely rethink their past decisions about the man’s coverage and how they would approach his policy from here on out, Aetna executives reported Thursday that the recent heart attack of longtime plan member Michael Burns was a real wake-up call for the 163-year-old insurance company.

Area Dad Needs More Time With Museum Plaque

NEW YORK—Leaning in close to the paragraph of text as his family continued on to the museum’s other exhibits, area dad and Frick Collection visitor Phillip Schermeier, 58, reportedly needed more time with the plaque beside Rembrandt’s 1626 painting Palamedes In Front Of Agamemnon Thursday.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Normally I Enjoy Your Pornographic Web Site, But This Time You've Gone Too Far

To the people at Sexxxotika.com, let me begin by saying that I thoroughly enjoy your pornographic web site. I have been a paying member since September, and since then have reveled in the graphic images of female nudity and hardcore sex. But I'm afraid this week your site went too far.

I know that Sexxxotika.com likes to push the envelope of sexual imagery, and I fully understand that you must cater to the peccadilloes of a wide range of subscribers. For example, though I harbor no foot fetish myself, I endure without complaint the occasional photo slide show of a man licking a woman's stillettoed heel. This is because I know your next posting likely will feature enough streaming video of tangy young nubiles experimenting with double-ended dildos to make my automatic credit-card deduction worthwhile.

You have no idea how much I look forward to your Thursday-afternoon site update. It is the high point of my week. So, it is as a longtime Sexxxotika fan that I feel obligated to share my outrage over this week's offering.

When I logged on and saw the headline "Bathroom!" I felt great excitement. The last time you used a powder-room theme was February's "Showering with Juli and Mindy," perhaps the most glorious pictorial in Sexxxotika.com history. But upon clicking on the "Bathroom!" link, I was not presented with more photographs of randy lesbian girlfriends soaping each other up or masturbating with the showerhead.

Instead, I was barraged with images of hot young barely legal teens squatting in the bathtub—not to reach for the bath gel, but to urinate, sometimes even on each other. Shame on you, Sexxxotika.

I come to your web site to be erotically entertained, not disgusted. Sure, there may be some perverts out there who enjoy the sort of thing featured in your "Bathroom!" gallery of last Thursday, but I'm sure I speak for the majority of Sexxxotika regulars when I say this montage goes way, way over the line. How could you?

To be honest, I've noticed a slip in Sexxxotika's quality control over the past few months. Take, for instance, your recent Quicktime movie "Luvving Sisters," which showed two luscious, nearly identical 18-year-old blondes in the act of mutual cunnilingus. Now, I am a huge supporter of graphic depictions of sapphic sex play, but your suggestion that these two women were related by blood made me more than a little uneasy. Perhaps it is my strong devotion to family values, but the offending caption nearly caused me to lose my erection. Granted, not every Quicktime movie can be Citizen Came.

Yet about "Bathroom!" I cannot remain silent. After browsing through picture after picture of women peeing on the ground, on men, or on each other, I can honestly say that I did not enjoy it. Not in the slightest. You need to get back to the sort of straightforward sex we have come to expect from Sexxxotika.com: hot girl-on-girl action, blow jobs, anal sex, and facials.

I believe you owe your subscribers an apology. If you fail to use some editorial judgment in the future, I am afraid I will be forced to cancel my Sexxxotika membership and take my adult-entertainment dollar elsewhere. After all, there is no shortage of web sites featuring hot young cum-drunk gutter sluts who love 14" horse cocks rammed into their tight little assholes.

I anxiously await your reply.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close