Oh Shit, I Totally Forgot That Happens!

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Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history

Netflix To Temporarily Remove Every Movie Except ‘Hard Eight’

‘Everyone Should See It At Least Once,’ Company Says

LOS GATOS, CA—Saying that everyone, including all 65 million of its subscribers, really ought to see the film at least once, Netflix announced Tuesday that it will suspend all streaming content except Hard Eight for a full month.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of September 15, 2015

ARIES: Some things only become funny when you look back on them years later. Conversely, the events of next week will seem funny at the time, but as the years go by, society will gain sensitivity and learn to outgrow that sort of thing.

Your Horoscopes – Week of May 1, 2012

ARIES: You will experience unbounded happiness and success in every area of your life this week, unless of course there is something fundamentally and irreversibly wrong with you.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 18, 2015

ARIES: Your feeling of impending doom shall come to nothing again this week as the world continues to turn and your life goes on as normal. Perhaps you should consider feeling useless and stupid instead.

Highlights From ‘Go Set A Watchman’

Harper Lee’s buzzed-about new release, Go Set A Watchman, went on sale last week, taking the world by storm with its new investigations of Scout Finch as a grown woman and its divisive portrayal of her father, Atticus Finch, as a racist figure. Here are some highlights from the new book:

Leonardo DiCaprio Agrees To Donate It-Factor To Science

LOS ANGELES—Saying the gift would immeasurably improve their understanding of the ineffable quality that makes certain big-screen stars positively radiate, researchers at the University of California Los Angeles announced Tuesday that A-list actor Leonardo DiCaprio has agreed to donate his it-factor to science.

How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Comic-Con Survival Guide

San Diego Comic-Con is expected to draw more than 130,000 fans to Southern California this year to participate in cosplaying, attend panels, go to film screenings, and learn more about their favorite series. Here are some tips for surviving the four-day conference

Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 7, 2014

ARIES: Your belief that nothing can stop you will be tested this week by depression, procrastination, concrete barriers, dysentery, armed gunmen, and the unanimous passage of several laws targeted specifically at stopping you.

Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to better reflect the diverse backgrounds and experiences of their audience, Disney officials this week introduced Lily of Hazelberry, the company’s first virgin princess.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 23, 2015

ARIES: The universe, in all its wisdom, has a plan for everyone. Strangely, you’re supposed to be the nun who holds up a distributor cap and winks while the Nazis try to start their car.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 9, 2015

ARIES: Your death next week will seem in­explicable until people remember the ill-advised 1985 “cross your heart and hope to die” pledge you made to be best friends with Jenny Bosben.

New Music Festival Just Large Empty Field To Do Drugs In

Declaring the event a rousing success so far, organizers confirmed more than 45,000 people turned out Wednesday for the first annual Cavalcade Folk and Roots Festival, a four-day gathering that consists solely of a big empty field to do drugs in.

Director Seeking Relatively Unknown Actress For Next Affair

LOS ANGELES—Saying that he’s going for a certain look and will know it when he sees it, feature film director Peter Hastings, 52, confirmed to reporters Wednesday that he hopes to find a relatively unknown actress for his next extramarital affair.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 26, 2015

ARIES: You’re not sure if your new mousetrap is better, but due to its horrifying use of liquefying blades, the world will beat a path to your door out of sheer morbid curiosity.

Famous Television Finales

The award-winning AMC series Mad Men ended its seven-season run on Sunday night and drew critical acclaim for its final episode, a conclusion that many felt was poignant and satisfying. Here are some other memorable TV finales across the years

Plan For Future Still Involves Drumming For Lifehouse

SOUTH BEND, IN—Fifteen years after first envisioning the path he hoped his professional life would take, local man Brent Gibbs is still planning his future around being the drummer for Los Angeles-based alternative rock band Lifehouse, sources confi...

Fox Revives ‘X-Files’: What To Expect

After months of speculation, Fox has announced that it is bringing back its hit ’90s TV show The X-Files, about a team of FBI special agents investigating unsolved cases about strange and paranormal phenomena, for at least six new episodes...

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 24, 2015

ARIES: Your belief that everything happens for a reason may remain unshaken in the face of personal tragedy, but you'll certainly be upset when you find out the reason is "to get the Zodiac some chicks." 

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 10, 2015

ARIES: As long as people don't look too long and the lights aren't too bright, no one will be able to see where they tried to fix your face from what will happen to it this coming Thursday. 

Nation Delighted As Many Famous People In Same Room Together

HOLLYWOOD—Expressing their immense personal satisfaction at the gathering appearing on their television screens, millions of Americans across the country were reportedly delighted Sunday night upon seeing many famous people in the same room together...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Oh Shit, I Totally Forgot That Happens!

As the author of the popular Song Of Ice And Fire series of fantasy novels, it has been a pleasure and a joy to watch Game Of Thrones, HBO’s riveting television adaptation of my work. Every week, the show delights viewers, myself included, with a series of stirring performances, deftly maneuvered feats of visual storytelling, and eye-popping special effects. It truly is a joy to watch my novels—my life’s work—come to life on the screen, rendered with tact, faithfulness, and considerable filmmaking skill.

That being said, HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I totally forgot that whole thing about the Red Wedding! Christ almighty, talk about a punch in the goddamned gut. I must have been sitting there for 20 minutes afterwards just completely numb with disbelief, like, “What the hell did I just watch?”

I mean, is it that brutal in my book? I honestly don’t remember.

The whole time it was happening, I was literally just staring at my television in shock thinking, “Son of a bitch, I forgot about that! Three of the story’s main characters are murdered in the most savage and horrific fashion imaginable!” My wife and I were sitting on the couch and we both just turned and looked at each other, like, “Whoa. That was intense.” I mean, I vaguely remember writing something like that, but that was years ago, you know? You forget these things.

And you don’t see it coming, either; that’s the thing. The previous episode capped off with the marriage of Tyrion Lannister and Sansa Stark, which seemed like it might be the real big event in a season that has largely been concerned with puzzle pieces falling into place. So with only two episodes left before the season’s conclusion, I was just looking forward to some more juicy exposition, no more, no less. But no! Catelyn Stark, Robb Stark, his wife Talisa and their unborn child—hell, even Robb’s wolf, Grey Wind—all slaughtered on the same night by the traitorous Walder Frey and his league of Lannister sympathizers! And at the end of a wedding no less! A goddamned wedding!

And here I was sitting on my couch like a child thinking about how sweet it was that Talisa wanted to name the baby after Ned Stark, and how emotional it would be in two minutes when Robb finally met up with Arya, who was right outside the whole time. I was looking forward to that scene for three whole episodes! I was 100 percent sure I had written it, too. I mean, who doesn’t want Arya to reunite with her family?

Then out of nowhere, boom! Catelyn Stark’s neck is sliced open with her firstborn son dead at her feet. And I suddenly remembered, “Oh, yeah! I did that.”

I think it was in Book Four. Or Book Three? One of those.

The worst part, though, was the moment right when I started to realize what I had written. It was after Lothar Frey went to the back of the room and closed those big doors and Catelyn Stark looked over at Roose Bolton and saw that he’s wearing chainmail under his nice clothes. That was the moment I thought, “Fuck, that’s right. I think I might kill off Robb Stark here.” And then I did! And boy, was it a hard to thing to watch, especially when I had also completely blanked on the fact his mom dies right after.

This fucking show, you know? One minute Robb Stark is solidifying his military power on his way to King’s Landing and the next he’s bleeding out on the floor. Just goes to show you can’t get too attached to any of my characters.

Hell, I’m still getting over the death of Ned Stark in Season One.

And even though it’s my responsibility as an author to protect the integrity of my novels at all costs, I have to admit that I personally wouldn’t have noticed if they’d completely changed the story at that point and the episode had ended happily. Hell, those books were written a long time ago; you can’t expect me to remember every last detail. Sure, I’m an executive producer on the show and they send me all the scripts on these things, but I never read them. Those things are full of spoilers.

At any rate, holy shit! I almost don’t want to see what I do next week. All I know is Tyrion better not get killed, because if he dies I’m done with this show, man. Done.

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