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Political Goals For 2009

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Politics

What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns

Donald Trump’s aides have confirmed that the Republican presidential nominee will not release his tax returns despite numerous public calls for him to honor the expectation of transparency for presidential hopefuls. Here are some of the potentially damning contents that Trump prefers not to release to the public

Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd

‘Family,’ Candidate Says

PHILADELPHIA—Seeking to make her case to the nation’s voters as she accepted her party’s presidential nomination Thursday night, Hillary Clinton reportedly began her headlining address at the Democratic National Convention by holding her infant grandson, Aidan, upside down by his ankle and firmly intoning the word “Family” in front of the assembled crowd.

Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech

PHILADELPHIA—Saying she arrived hours before any of the members of the production crew, sources confirmed Thursday that presidential nominee Hillary Clinton has been waiting in the wings of the Wells Fargo Center stage since six o’clock this morning to deliver her speech at the Democratic National Convention.

Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot

WASHINGTON—Saying she has grown increasingly concerned about her husband’s mental and physical well-being since last Friday, Christie Vilsack, the wife of Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, told reporters Thursday that the despondent, butter-covered cabinet member has entered the sixth day of a destructive corn bender after being passed over for the Democratic vice presidential spot.

Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.

Who Is Tim Kaine?

Virginia senator Tim Kaine will be Hillary Clinton’s running mate on the Democratic Party ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Kaine
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Political Goals For 2009

Smoove is not a political man. However, during the most recent election, something changed for Smoove. He has found a purpose. A new desire.

I will make Michelle Obama my woman, body and soul.

This will be a great challenge for Smoove. I will need to purchase even finer clothes and softer towels. I will have to master the hand-feeding techniques of ancient seduction monks. I must learn compliments that would cause average women to catch fire from the inner flames of desire that the compliments would stoke.

This will have to be handled very carefully. An intriguing note sent with tasteful but exotic flowers, playful chats via text message, and many a sexually charged phone call. And all this will be done in secret, as we work together on my new charity, Smoove B's Homeless Shelter for Attractive but Poor Children.

First Baby, Smoove is coming.

My man Darnell says it will be difficult to compete with the most powerful man in the free world. This is not a concern. You see, her man will treat her like a wife, the mother of his children, and a partner in leading the country. I will make her feel like a woman.

Let me break it down.

I will greet her at the airport in the finest white limo available. During the ride into the city, I will discuss business with her, while giving her smoldering glances to show her the passion that burns inside of me. I will compliment her, but these will be tasteful compliments and many of them will be focused on her dress, which will be businesslike but cling to her every curve.

At no point will I mention her fine booty.

We will arrive at the finest restaurant in the city where the glances between us will become even smokier. I will make comments regarding my charity work, but she soon will realize that I am not referring to my plans for a homeless shelter but instead to my deep desire to rock her body all night long.

After dinner is finished, I will ask to escort her to her hotel, and even though there are Secret Service agents with us on the drive over, she will feel safer with me than she has ever felt in her life. We will also laugh and discuss things that we have never told anyone else before. The conversation will be deep.

When we arrive at the hotel, we will be overcome by mutual sexual attraction, but I will dispel this by saying what a fine evening it was and kiss her lightly on the cheek.

While many may ask why I ended the night instead of taking her to untold realms of sensual pleasure, it is simple. A woman of this caliber is like a rare, black diamond, which must be chipped away and buffed by a master craftsman for months before it can finally be mounted. Patience will be Smoove's ally.

In 2009 she will be mine.

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