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A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:

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The Federation Is Too Lenient About The Prime Directive

Assembled sentients, I greet you in the name of the peoples of Earth, and wish that you may live long and prosper!

Now, let's get down to business.

As even the lowliest mudfarmer on Deneb IV knows, Starfleet's Prime Directive is intended to preserve the cultural integrity of developing alien worlds. Starship officers are forbidden to interfere with the development of any pre-warp culture. The need for such a law is obvious: The Federation is complicated enough as it is, populated with spacefaring Klingons, Romulans, Humans, Bajorans, Ferengi and so on. I mean, just imagine if the pre-industrial Boralans had access to replicators, or the tribal people of Omega IV were wandering about the Enterprise! It would be impossible to expect their civilizations to evolve at a normal fashion after such experiences!

But here's what really drifts my neutrinos: Despite the fact that violation of the Prime Directive is strictly forbidden (as well it should be), on numerous occasions throughout Starfleet history it has been blatantly disregarded!

I do not believe that I am being sacrilegious in saying this. I only mean to call attention to the actions of several Starfleet officers who, for whatever reasons, have allowed personal motivations to overwhelm their better judgment.

By this point, I'm sure you can guess that I'm referring to the events of star date 4211.4, when one faction among the warring inhabitants of a bronze-age planet were being provided with flintlock rifles by the Klingon Empire. Captain James T. Kirk, in command of the Federation starship Enterprise, "solved" this problem by providing the same weapons to the other side! Apparently, in the age of warp drive and transporter beam technology, two wrongs do make a right.

But as you well know, that's not the only time the esteemed Captain Kirk used emotion-driven logic to openly flout the Directive. On star date 3156.2, he interfered with the development of a preatomic civilization which was being controlled by a central computer. Kirk's rationale this time? That the civilization was not developing at all, but stagnant!

A convenient excuse, I suppose. The good captain, always ambitious to a fault, obeyed the letter of the law. But the spirit of the law, as well as the spirit of longtime Federation observers like myself, was irreparably broken.

Perhaps Captain James Tiberius Kirk was not the great commander we had thought, but an arrogant bully who made a career out of a muscular, old-fashioned, 20th-century brand of diplomacy. (Remember, this is the man who looked the Organians in their plasma-based eyes and said, "I'm a soldier, not a diplomat," in the midst of the most delicate peace negotiations of his era!)

True, Kirk's career was during the Federation's golden age of expansion, a time historians consider to have begun with Zephram Cochrane's discovery of warp drive and ended with the treaty signed with the Klingons on star date 9529.1. It was a swashbuckling time, a time of great triumphs for the UFP, and many tend to forgive the Directive transgressions of that era, for romantic reasons if nothing else.

But such shoddy treatment of the Federation's fundamental law is not limited to Starfleet's past. Consider one particular case from the modern era. The ship is Starfleet's newly commissioned flagship, the Enterprise NCC-1701-D, Captain Jean-Luc Picard commanding. The star date is 42695.3, the location the tectonically unstable fourth planet of the Secundi Drelma system, a world about to be torn apart by volcanic action. The senior officers of the Enterprise all agree that helping the planet's inhabitants would constitute a violation of the Prime Directive. And so it would. But that intrepid android, Lt. Commander Data, intercepts a radio transmission from a young girl who lives on Secundi Drelma IV. Captain Picard is so moved by the winsome lass' plight that he finds a way to save her planet.

Heroic? Perhaps. Admirable? No! By allowing themselves to be influenced by wanton emotionalism, the officers of the Enterprise-D put that entire quadrant in jeopardy!

Where Kirk's brashness and quick temper led him wrong, Picard's fatal flaw is a surfeit of compassion. He allowed Dr. Nicholai Rozhenko, a prominent anthropologist and brother of Picard's security chief, to go unpunished after marrying a Boralan woman. Then, after failing to uphold the Prime Directive, he literally shattered it, using the Enterprise holodeck to relocate the doomed Boralans to a safer planet!

I mean no disrespect to Picard. I consider him to be the finest commanding officer I have ever seen in action. And until I graduate at the top of my class at Starfleet Academy and spend years as captain of Starfleet's flagship, I am unfit to criticize him.

But all great men have fatal flaws, and misplaced compassion can be as deadly as a phaser on overload. With this in mind, I propose that a Vulcan sociology officer be posted on each Federation ship, charged with the responsibility of using his dispassionate logic to weigh the balance of each primitive-culture interaction and suppress that which might place the United Federation of Planets in jeopardy.

The Prime Directive must be held inviolate. No less than the harmonious future of the galaxy depends upon it!

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