The First Wife's Club Had Divorced Women In It

Top Headlines


Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to better reflect the diverse backgrounds and experiences of their audience, Disney officials this week introduced Lily of Hazelberry, the company’s first virgin princess.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 23, 2015

ARIES: The universe, in all its wisdom, has a plan for everyone. Strangely, you’re supposed to be the nun who holds up a distributor cap and winks while the Nazis try to start their car.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 9, 2015

ARIES: Your death next week will seem in­explicable until people remember the ill-advised 1985 “cross your heart and hope to die” pledge you made to be best friends with Jenny Bosben.

New Music Festival Just Large Empty Field To Do Drugs In

Declaring the event a rousing success so far, organizers confirmed more than 45,000 people turned out Wednesday for the first annual Cavalcade Folk and Roots Festival, a four-day gathering that consists solely of a big empty field to do drugs in.

Director Seeking Relatively Unknown Actress For Next Affair

LOS ANGELES—Saying that he’s going for a certain look and will know it when he sees it, feature film director Peter Hastings, 52, confirmed to reporters Wednesday that he hopes to find a relatively unknown actress for his next extramarital affair.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 26, 2015

ARIES: You’re not sure if your new mousetrap is better, but due to its horrifying use of liquefying blades, the world will beat a path to your door out of sheer morbid curiosity.

Famous Television Finales

The award-winning AMC series Mad Men ended its seven-season run on Sunday night and drew critical acclaim for its final episode, a conclusion that many felt was poignant and satisfying. Here are some other memorable TV finales across the years

Plan For Future Still Involves Drumming For Lifehouse

SOUTH BEND, IN—Fifteen years after first envisioning the path he hoped his professional life would take, local man Brent Gibbs is still planning his future around being the drummer for Los Angeles-based alternative rock band Lifehouse, sources confi...

Fox Revives ‘X-Files’: What To Expect

After months of speculation, Fox has announced that it is bringing back its hit ’90s TV show The X-Files, about a team of FBI special agents investigating unsolved cases about strange and paranormal phenomena, for at least six new episodes...

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 24, 2015

ARIES: Your belief that everything happens for a reason may remain unshaken in the face of personal tragedy, but you'll certainly be upset when you find out the reason is "to get the Zodiac some chicks." 

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 10, 2015

ARIES: As long as people don't look too long and the lights aren't too bright, no one will be able to see where they tried to fix your face from what will happen to it this coming Thursday. 

Nation Delighted As Many Famous People In Same Room Together

HOLLYWOOD—Expressing their immense personal satisfaction at the gathering appearing on their television screens, millions of Americans across the country were reportedly delighted Sunday night upon seeing many famous people in the same room together...

Half Of Hollywood Test Group Screened Placebo Film

LOS ANGELES—Saying the methodology helps them ensure unbiased results in their marketing research, studio executives at Paramount Pictures confirmed that during a Hollywood test screening this week they showed half of all theatergoers a placebo film...

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 6, 2015

ARIES: One of the worst moments of a person's life is when they finally realize that they're mortal and are going to die, especially when it's a person like you who only sees the cement truck at the last second.

A Timeline Of Upcoming Superhero Movies

Following the massive successes of the Spider-Man, Batman, Avengers, and X-Men franchises, studios Marvel and DC Entertainment have announced as many as 40 upcoming superhero movies to be released over the next six years ...

Sesame Street’s 45th Anniversary: A Look Back

Sesame Street, the long-running PBS children’s television show starring a cast of Jim Henson muppets who teach children basic learning concepts and introduce them to difficult issues, turns 45 this week.

TV Show Under Fire For Depicting Murder

LOS ANGELES—In what is being described as perhaps the most shocking and distasteful moment in broadcast history, the popular primetime television show Criminal Minds is facing heavy criticism today for airing an episode that depicted the act ...
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Area Man

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.


  • Doctors Recommend Getting 8 Centuries Of Cryosleep

    STANFORD, CA—Claiming that the practice is essential for effectively recharging the body and waking fully rested and alert, doctors at Stanford University issued a report Monday emphasizing the importance of getting at least eight centuries of atomi...

The First Wife's Club Had Divorced Women In It

I saw an advertisement on the television set the other night while I was watching my favorite program, Archie Bunker, for the movie which is called The First Wifes Club. And I was watching the television with my wife, Toots, because she is often laughing at the antics of the wife on that program because she is a wife, too.

So I decided to see the First Wifes Movie to review for you in my column, and I decided to take Toots, because she is my wife, and I thought she might enjoy a night at the pictures.

The pictures! In my day, a night at the pictures with your lady meant a night of romance. But alas, today at the pictures people are too busy watching the violence and the action to be hit by Cupid's arrow.

When I was a young man of 27 I would go to see the movies with a dame on my arm, and we would sit in the balcony and if I was lucky she would let me reach into her sack of delicious candied figs, which they sold in those days. But today you go to the movies, and all they sell you are expensive foods that are too salty, and they cost you a lot of hard-earned money, too.

I told the fellow at the concessions stand that I should get some free popped corn because I was the critic for the local Gazette, but he just told me that he had never read my column and that I would have to step aside because the lady behind me wanted to buy a Fanta. If that young man only knew of the influence I wield in the town of the movies, Hollywood, he would treat me with more respect, I imagine. But he would never make it in the pictures anyway because he had a face like a sack of yams.

Toots and I went to see the movie called The First Wifes Club because I wanted to review it. So I saw the movie, and then I called my editor and he told me they did not need a review so I threw my review in the garbage but then he called me back to say that they would be able to run my review after all so I went to the garbage and dug my review of The First Wifes Club out of the garbage and the garbage smelled foul and my sportcoat got a coffee stain on it.

So I took my sportcoat to the cleaners and they said the stain might be hard to get out. I will tell you in my next column if they were able to get the stain out. My mother could always clean the stains, even if they were made with jam! So I do not see why the cleaners cannot get a stain out. My mother died in 1947, two years before my father.

So here is my review of The First Wife's Club:

I went to see the movie called The First Wife's Club. It is not a very good movie. I went with my wife, Toots, and we were surprised to see that the ladies in question were not wifes at all, but divorced women of questionable moral standing. One of them was played by the actress Goldie Pond, and she was a firebrand!

I do not think that people should take the institution of marriage lightly. Toots and I were married in 1943, and it has not always been smooth sailing but we never got the divorce. Because it is said that divorce goes against the laws of man and God! And when we took our vows we decided to stay together "until death do us part." And we are still living so we are still married.

These young people today get married, and then they think it is all a big joke and they get a divorce the first time they get in a fight and throw pans at each other.

I have never been in a fight with Toots, but one time she hit me with a rolling pin because she was angry that I was not trying to get a job but I was getting checks from the government so there was no reason for me to get a job and I wanted to stay home and watch the fights. I must admit that my skull hurt for some time afterward.

There was also a scene in The First Wifes Club where they dropped a piano out of a window, and it looked to me to be a waste of a fine piano.

In conclusion, let me just say that The First Wifes Club made me wish I had a club so I could hit myself on the head with the club and then I would not have to watch the movie, because it was a real sleeper, and not very reverent! I will review a movie next month and maybe I will appreciate that one better, but I am not sure.

But there is still no business like show business, like no business I know. Everything about it is appealing, anything the traffic will allow. Nowhere can you get that happy feeling when you are stealing that extra bow. That is a song I once heard.

Until next time, I'll see you on the Silver Screen.

Mr. Danielson's column is reprinted from the Butternut Gazette in Butternut, Ohio. It has been edited for the sake of clarity.

Next Story