The X-Files' Ann Gillian Is Back On The Market!

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New York City Abuzz Over New Resident

NEW YORK—With word spreading rapidly through office towers, apartment buildings, and across all five boroughs, sources confirmed Friday that New Yorkers were abuzz over reports that a new resident had moved to the city.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 7, 2014

ARIES: Your belief that nothing can stop you will be tested this week by depression, procrastination, concrete barriers, dysentery, armed gunmen, and the unanimous passage of several laws targeted specifically at stopping you.

Ranking Women Somehow Not Issue In Miss USA Debacle

NEW YORK—As backlash against the Miss USA pageant continues to spread following controversial anti-immigration remarks made by the contest’s owner, Donald Trump, sources confirmed this week that the overt ranking of women is somehow not a part of the ongoing nationwide outrage.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

Global Soccer Tournament To Kick Off In America Later This Afternoon

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

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The X-Files' Ann Gillian Is Back On The Market!

Item! X-Files star Ann Gillian is now X-Wife Ann Gillian. According to one of my better inside sources, the deadly agent with a license to thrill was taking too many risks for her husband's liking. So, he packed the china, and it was adios! Can you believe some guy would walk out on America's sexiest CIA agent? Somebody ought to check his pulse! Anyway, if you're reading this column, Ann, I'm still free this Saturday night!

As people are fond of saying lately, "Where's the money?" Well, it's probably in Jim Carrey's pocket! I won't reveal my source, but I recently read that he was paid over a million dollars for The Cable Guy. Don't you think it's about time we started paying these movie stars a little less and started paying our school teachers a little more? With my nationally syndicated column, I am an entertainer of sorts, but I certainly don't make the big money. Do I want to? Not really. A bit of a raise might be nice, but my job is made all the better when I receive a card from a fan. That really makes all the difference in the world to me.

Item! There's a lot of hullabaloo about the Best Picture Nominees, but I've only heard of three of them: Jerry Magwire, The English Man, and That Movie About Minnesota With That Guy From ER. If anyone has access to the complete list, I'd appreciate a peek at it. I would have caught it on the news, but my darn TV went out. Second time in two months. I must be cursed!

Is that Lola Falana one dynamite singer, or what? Talk about pipes!

Item! Michael Jackson just had his baby—and they didn't know whether he was the mother or the father! Now, you know I'm only joking. I saw a comedian use that line the other night at Zanies Komedy Klub, so I thought I'd pass it along. Really, though, Michael Jackson had a baby, and it was a boy, and there's nothing really funny about that. Congratulations to you, Mr. Jackson, and also to your substantially less glamorous than Lisa Marie Presley wife, whatever her name is.

Hmm... Jacko had a baby. Madonna had a baby. Could this be a sign that Jackie Harvey's biological clock is ticking? I'll keep you updated!

My editor wants me to cut down on all the Harry Hamlin gossip. He's cutting the checks, so I suppose he gets to call the shots. Jealousy, maybe?

Item! Liz Taylor, who's had more husbands than I've had dates, is getting operated on soon. Apparently, she's having a piece of shrapnel removed from her head. How did it get there? It's an interesting story. While she was doing a USO tour of Viet-Nam, a grenade went off and caught her right above the temple. That didn't stop her, though, from coming to the aid of half a dozen wounded GIs before calling for medical attention. She's a trooper, that Liz, and she could really use our prayers in the coming weeks.

For those of you who were holding your breath waiting for the answer to last week's Outside Scoop Trivia Contest, wait no more. The answer was none other than Lee Majors, and one Rick Lew of Fayetteville, AR, walks away with a dinner for two at Shoney's. We're still waiting for a sponsor for our next contest, so keep reading this spot for more information.

Well, that's all for now. Tune in next time, when Jackie Harvey brings you lots more of the Outside Scoop!

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