There's More To Life Than Just Traveling The World And Marveling At Its Varied Peoples And Cultures

Top Headlines



Tips For Traveling With Young Children

Family vacations can be a time for bonding and building lasting memories, but when young children are involved, trips can also be stressful to plan and execute. Here are The Onion’s tips for traveling with kids

Tips For Cheaper Airfare

Whether the busy travel season, fuel prices, or airline collusion is to blame, airfare is currently very pricey, making traveling more difficult. The Onion walks you through some ways to reduce the cost of flying

Keeping Your Possessions Safe While Traveling

Traveling during the summer can be fun and exhilarating, but nothing ruins a trip like getting your possessions stolen. Whether you’re hiking, road-tripping, or relaxing at a resort, here are some tips for making sure your items are safe during your travels:

Parents Worried Children Old Enough To Remember Family Vacation

YOUNGSTOWN, OH—Fearing that their kids’ impressions of the experience could quite possibly remain with them for the rest of their lives, parents Joel and Bethany Weyandt told reporters Tuesday they are worried their children are old enough to remember the details of their recent family vacation.

Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

Spring Break Safety Tips

Spring break is an opportunity for many college students to travel, party, and make memories with their friends, but it can also lead to problems if people aren’t careful.

People Apparently Been Using Rest Stop Barbecue Pit

GREENVILLE, SC—Scrutinizing the ashes of charcoal briquettes inside the weathered firebox, motorist Matt Palmeri reportedly deduced Thursday that people traveling southbound along Interstate 85 have apparently been using the rest stop’s barbec...

Florida Resort Allows Guests To Swim With Miami Dolphins

MIAMI—Describing it as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get up close to the majestic mammals, visitors to Paradise Cove Resort raved to reporters Thursday about the hotel’s new program that allows guests to swim with the Miami Dolphins.

Humble Ascetic Declines In-Flight Beverage Service

NEW YORK—Choosing to fast in an apparent attempt to reach an elevated plane of existence, humble ascetic Jonathan Weaver declined the complimentary snack and beverage service during his flight from New York to Atlanta, sources confirmed Wednesday.

Last-Minute Holiday Travel Tips

Whether you’re rerouting canceled flights or changing destinations on the fly, nothing can be more stressful during the holidays than making travel arrangements at the last minute.

New National Park Caters To Business Travelers

PAICINES, CA—Hoping to encourage more busy professionals to visit America’s scenic natural areas, the Department of Interior announced this week the opening of Pinnacles National Park Express, the first federally designated preserve geared spe...

Area Mom Raving About Phoenix Airport

AURORA, IL—Noting its impressive collection of shops, restaurants, and transit options during a phone call with her daughter, local mother Carol Wingfield expressed her admiration for Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport in the strongest terms, ...

Busch Gardens Unveils New 9,600-Mile-Long Endurance Coaster

TAMPA, FL—Marking a bold new direction in amusement ride innovation, representatives from Busch Gardens officially opened a 9,600-mile-long mega-coaster Thursday designed to push the limits of human endurance. According to park officials, the Stamin...

Dad Clarifies This Not A Food Stop

DENTON, TX—Stressing that they were there solely to purchase gasoline and use the bathroom if necessary, area dad Mike Whitcomb clarified while pulling into a travel plaza Thursday that this was not a food stop.

Planning The Perfect Road Trip

With summer fast approaching, many people are planning long car trips to visit tourist attractions, see old friends, or simply hit the open road.

Visit Home Referred To As Vacation By Parents

PINE BLUFF, AR—Telling their son he should take it easy because he deserves it, the parents of 26-year-old Austin, TX resident Jason Gibney referred to the time he spent visiting his family in Arkansas over the Easter weekend as a vacation, househol...

Pilot Tells Passengers He’s About To Try Something

SAN FRANCISCO—Midway through American Airlines flight 1544’s journey from San Francisco to Dallas Monday, pilot Mark Dams asked passengers to please remain seated and fasten their seat belts for a minute while he tries something real quick.

The Onion’s Tips For Traveling Over The Holidays

You never know when you’ll get stranded at an airport or train station, so make sure you don’t go hungry by packing two large burlap sacks full of steak meat and apples. Exchange knowing glances with the TSA agent. You’re one of the goo...

Germ-Free Haven!

Tired of trying to stay clean all the time? Try this completely germ-free dwelling in the heart of the Arctic Circle, where no germs can survive!

Under The Porch

Listen to the soothing sounds of conversations with people who don’t know you can hear them while sitting on an old tarp near some cinderblocks.

A Tent In The Backyard!

Why can’t I just camp out in the backyard? Come on, it’s warm enough! Jared could stay over and we won’t be too loud.

San Francisco: The City By The Bay

This one-of-a-kind place offers food, sites, and people specific to it. There are ways to get alcohol and beds to sleep in at night, and the weather may be favorable depending on when you visit.

SeaWorld To Discontinue Great White Shark Ride

ORLANDO, FL—Citing flagging popularity and recurrent technical problems over the attraction’s 10-year run, SeaWorld Orlando announced that it will permanently shutter its great white shark ride, officials for the theme park announced Tuesday.

Everyone On Flight Annoyed By Screaming Kid Rock

LOS ANGELES—Passengers on flight 657 from Detroit to Los Angeles confirmed Wednesday that the trip was repeatedly disrupted by the noisy and obnoxious behavior of an annoying Kid Rock seated in the fifth row.

STD Had Awesome Time On Spring Break

PANAMA CITY, FL—Following a weeklong vacation in Florida, local sexually transmitted disease gonorrhea announced it had an awesome time during this year’s spring break.

Albany Bucket Museum

Learn about the history of buckets with a self-guided tour through the museum's four fascinating exhibits, then sit down and watch the hourly documentary about buckets and their role in winning America's independence.


Let’s go! Come on, it’ll be fun. Have you ever been to the Lucky Star Lanes? They turn on a bunch of neon lights and play disco music after 9!
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage





There's More To Life Than Just Traveling The World And Marveling At Its Varied Peoples And Cultures

I guess we inherit a certain worldview from our parents. My father was a reporter for National Geographic, and my mother was the photographer on his assignments. We spent 11 months out of the year seeing the world and taking in its various wonders. Since that's the way I was raised, I just figured that's what families do; that's how life is lived.

My folks retired when I was 19. Not long after, I joined the Peace Corps, in which I helped a remote Honduran village develop an irrigation system. Along the way, I got to know the locals, learned their traditional folk songs and tales, and saw how their strength comes from their closeness and interdependence. Why did I do this? Frankly, because I knew no other way. I was just copying what I'd seen my parents doing.

Today, I'm one of the world's leading anthropologists, an accomplished archaeologist, and an award-winning novelist. And, at 41, I'm only now becoming aware of the globetrotting rut I've been in my entire life. Looking back on everything I've seen and done, I can't help but ask, "Is that all there is?"

If this is such a great life, traveling the world and drinking deep of its bountiful cultural and historical well, then why am I the only guy doing it? It's time for me to wake up to the real joys life has to offer.

Every weekend, in malls across America, guys hit on girls and dine on food-court Chalupas and Mountain Dew, then go off to buy the new Tool CD. Why am I not among them? Because while they're spending genuine quality time in fluorescent-lit shopping corridors, stupid me is off becoming a blood brother of the Blackfoot Indians or observing a Haitian voodoo ceremony. Well, I'm sick of it! I want better. I want to watch the DVD of Miss Congeniality in my bathrobe! I want to blow my money on scratch-off lottery tickets! I want to make my ass go numb sitting on the floor playing Donkey Kong 64 all day! I don't think that's so much to ask.

Everywhere I turn, I see ads for a corn chip called "Fritos." I think, "My God, this must be a truly remarkable corn chip, to be so widely and confidently touted." My thoughts often turn to Fritos while eating the obscure regional cuisine on which I invariably subsist. Like when that Chilean peasant village held a banquet to thank me for showing them how to dam the river and create a fishing reservoir. They made this local delicacy called "Pastel del Choclo" with corn, meat, and spices. But if it were as good as Fritos, wouldn't Pastel del Choclo be on billboards in every city? Why am I getting shorted? Will I die not having tasted Fritos?

Recently, I was with the Wapemba tribe in Zanzibar, and I heard their chieftain recite the mythology of creation that these people had known for thousands of years. And I was struck by its similarities to other creation myths, including the Judeo-Christian model. Then I thought to myself, so what the fuck am I doing here in Zanzibar? Why did I slog all the way to Africa to hear a story that I could have heard at the Baptist church two blocks from my house? You get what I'm saying? If all people are the same on the inside, why did I spend a year learning Swahili when I could just talk to the girl at the Tast-E-Freez? It's all the same shit, folks. Save your plane fare.

I'm not saying you should never go places and meet people. I'm just saying don't get too carried away with it. Sure, visit Paris and chat up a local in a coffee shop. But stay home, too. Get drunk and sleep until noon. Before studying the coastline of Sicily, learn the shape of your own mattress.

Sometimes, I just want to draw the blinds, tell the Explorer's Club to fuck off, and order two large pizzas and the Spice Channel. Now, that's living.

Travel Video