adBlockCheck

These Time-Management Issues Will Be Easily Resolved With A Series Of Streamlined Meetings

Top Headlines

Recent News

Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot

PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.

Man Entirely Different Misogynist Online Than In Real Life

CHATTANOOGA, TN—Explaining how his subtle belittlement and disrespect for women in face-to-face interactions had little in common with the bold, outspoken manner in which he degrades women when he’s on social media or website message boards, sources reported Tuesday that local man Colin McManus is a totally different misogynist online than in real life.

Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.

Revelations From The DNC Email Leak

Last week, WikiLeaks posted 20,000 email exchanges among DNC officials, the content of which led to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation on the eve of the convention. Here are some of the key revelations from the leak

CNN Producer On Hunt For Saddest-Looking Fuck With Convention Button Collection

PHILADELPHIA—Weaving his way through the crowd of patriotically dressed attendees excitedly milling around on the floor of the Democratic National Convention, CNN segment producer Jeff Raskin reportedly went on the hunt Monday for the most pitiful-looking fuck willing to speak on camera about their political button collection.

How The IOC Plans To Address Doping

In light of its recent decision not to bar Russian athletes from competing in Rio despite their use of performance-enhancing drugs, the International Olympic Committee is working to establish more effective protocols to keep the Games drug-free. Here are some ways the IOC plans to address doping:
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

These Time-Management Issues Will Be Easily Resolved With A Series Of Streamlined Meetings

It's come to my attention that this office hasn't been managing time efficiently lately, so I'd like to use this open forum to address just a couple of the more pressing motivational concerns not covered in my last series of staff-wide e-mails. This is just a launching-off point to get the dialogue started. Obviously there will be more issues arising in the next few weeks—especially during Special Projects/New Goals week—and some of these issues will change slightly or completely, so we'll have to readdress those specific challenges at a later date or as they occur.

First order of business: meetings. Our meetings have become disorganized and sprawling, and far too much time is lost to non- actionable items. As you all know, production is down 7 percent company-wide, and I think we can attribute this to working hard and not working smart. I really want to get the machine running smoothly again, and the best way I know how is to get together and start shooting ideas around.

So let's plan to have a few ad hoc powwows next week to discuss the meeting situation, vis-à-vis the workplace. The prioritized goal of these meetings will be to draw up a comprehensive road map for what we should be aiming for while avoiding the stumbling blocks we've encountered in the past. The point here is to take a step back and reevaluate how we do things here, on a macro level.

Please bring a minimum of 15 topics to discuss, with a focus on "how to minimize wasted work." Of course, more ideas are always welcome. We'll be going through these point-by-point and selecting the top 20 to be discussed at next week's Productivity Enhancement off-site sit-down.

Once we've highlighted a list of problems, we're going to break up into smaller groups to tackle inter-group communication problems and idea bottlenecking, and then hopefully do some real blue-sky thinking. These groups will spend the majority of Thursday's retreat developing proactive steps that they, as a group or as individuals, can implement post facto. These groups will be called "solution-innovators" (SI for short) and each SI will meet every other week to track overall progress and facilitate productivity improvements.

I'll be floating between the two groups to gauge the temperature of the room.

The team that comes up with the best solutions at the end of each week will be rewarded with doughnuts. So by Wednesday at noon please e-mail me your top five doughnut preferences so we can have a good selection for the winners. Or, if you'd rather have muffins, we can do muffins. Totally up to you.

The first task of the groups will be to appoint a team leader and team manager, and to hammer out what each job entails. I'll be checking in weekly with both so they can report their  progress directly to me so that I can provide feedback and make sure the meetings are going in the right general direction. At the end of each month we'll all come together again to touch base and do a postmortem on lessons learned. We want to keep all the feedback in these meetings mission-critical, so if there's any additional feedback in the one-page feedback reports you'll be bringing, I'll put that in a separate feedback overflow list to discuss at a later date.

I'll try to have Samantha schedule those meetings for Friday meeting-blocks, but we may need one or two quick conferences to figure out where to fit in the overflows, so please send her your daily schedules by EOD Wednesday so we can pull the trigger on this.

Finally, I'd like to address this office's morale problem. I've noticed everyone has seemed a bit sluggish lately, and our meetings have suffered as a result. I'd like everyone to brainstorm 15 functional ideas to create a better atmosphere, like new office furniture, some wacky clocks, or better stationery—anything that can inject a little more fun into the workplace. We won't have time to go over everyone's list one by one, so please send them via e-mail so everyone can get a chance to comment on them and get feedback. This is not optional.

I'm confident these new changes will get us moving in a forward direction, at all costs. But don't worry about all this over the weekend. Just come prepared for Monday morning's meeting. I want to get everything in place and humming along on this new timetable before I leave in February.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close