adBlockCheck

This Promotional Pen Works So Great, Imagine How Well The Drug Must Work

Top Headlines

Recent News

Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.

Weddings vs. Eloping

Many couples who don’t want to put the time and money toward a wedding simply run off and get married in secret. Here is a side-by-side comparison of planning a wedding and eloping

EPA Urges Flint Residents To Stop Dumping Tap Water Down Drain

FLINT, MI—Citing the significant health and safety risks that it poses to public infrastructure and the local ecosystem, the Environmental Protection Agency released a statement Thursday urging residents of Flint to discontinue dumping tap water down their drains.

New OSHA Regulations To Cut Down On Workplace Mutations

WASHINGTON—In an attempt to address the troubling number of genetic transformations occurring in workplaces across the nation, the United States Occupational Safety and Health Administration unveiled new regulations this week aimed at reducing on-the-job mutations, sources confirmed.

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Upcoming Changes To U.S. Currency

Secretary of the Treasury Jack Lew recently announced a series of significant changes to U.S. currency. Here are some of the more notable alterations on the horizon
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

This Promotional Pen Works So Great, Imagine How Well The Drug Must Work

Somebody just sent a box of Prilosec promotional pens to our clinic and, boy, am I impressed. It's got a big, comfortable barrel and comes in an attractive purple. And it writes smooth as can be. No globbing or streaking; just a nice, clean, blue ballpoint line. It's also got some really cool writing along the side: "Prilosec® (Omeprazole) 20-MG capsules." Prilosec, huh? This Prilosec pen is so great, I'll bet anything the drug is great, too.

I do know a bit about omeprazole. It's used to treat gastric and duodenal ulcers and gastroesophageal-reflux disease, a condition in which the stomach acid washes back up into the esophagus. Omeprazole eases gastric pain by decreasing the amount of acid produced by the stomach. As it turns out, Prilosec is omeprazole in delayed-release capsule form. Well, the capsule's release may be, but there was nothing "delayed" about the way the ink flowed when I clicked the button at the top of the pen and started to write!

Traditionally, I've shied away from prescribing drugs for the treatment of heartburn. I tend to encourage patients to make changes in their diet instead. Well, that was before I saw this pen. It's a great pen. Yes, this pen completely changes the way I feel about the prescription of omeprazole. Now I'm all for it.

If Prilosec the drug is anything like Prilosec the pen, I bet it works every time. My patients can kiss occasional discomfort from heartburn goodbye.

And talk about instant relief: It sure was a relief to have this pen handy when I needed one a few minutes ago. I wanted to write down a phone number, and the pen was right there—no muss, no fuss. Prilosec, no doubt, offers the same easy relief in pharmaceutical form. How cool is that?

Hmm, I see here that Prilosec is made by a company called AstraZeneca. Well, that name sounds very professional. I'm guessing they're on the cutting edge of pharmaceutical technology. And that logo looks very cutting-edge, too—slick and modern. That's important in pens and drugs. What's more, it's got a retractable tip for one-click convenience, not an old-fashioned pen cap that can be easily misplaced. As a doctor, I know it's vital to carry a fully functional pen, as well as to stay abreast of new advances in health-care products.

This reminds me of the way I discovered the antihistamine Clarinex a few months ago. If you are a general practitioner like me, you know there's no shortage of prescription antihistamines out there. So why did I decide to prescribe Clarinex for treatment of seasonal and year-round allergies? It was the fridge magnet. I couldn't help but notice how effectively it held a piece of paper to the refrigerator in the staff kitchenette. One of the things my patients care about most is convenience. They don't want a drug that's hard to use. This magnet was so easy to use, a baby could have done it. In fact, if the precautions didn't specifically prohibit me from doing so, I would prescribe Clarinex to a baby.

I'm always on the lookout for great new drugs to prescribe to my patients. But I must admit, I'm far too busy to seek them out by reading medical journals and research papers or by talking to my fellow doctors. It really is a huge help to get great drug recommendations by way of hats, T-shirts, coffee mugs, pencil holders, clipboards, and fanny packs that I randomly encounter or that are sent to my office unsolicited.

Thanks, Prilosec!

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close