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Thunk U For Nobbel Prise, Me Happie Now

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Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books

The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race

Report: Nobody Fucking Cares

NEW YORK—According to a brief but conclusive report released Monday, nobody fucking cares. “Doesn’t fucking matter,” read the report in part, which went on to inform readers that no one gives two shits, so fuck it.

Mom Sleeps In Past Sunrise

WOBURN, MA―Noting that she had somehow managed to sleep through both the dawn chorus of birds and her neighborhood’s early morning garbage pickup, 53-year-old local mother Laura Maloney confirmed that she did not awaken Monday until after the sun had risen.
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Thunk U For Nobbel Prise, Me Happie Now

Telfone ring tooday and man tell very excite thing. Man voice tell me win big Nobbel Prise! Tell, “Alice Munro win Nobbel Prise!” Cant believe! Always want win Nobbel Prise and now win Nobbel Prise like always want! So thunk u Nobbel Kabitty for big shine prise. Make me so happie and excite.

Me so happie now that me got good best prise.

Nobbel Prise such good prise and me wurk so hard to get. Me write long time and always write long and big. Write lot of words and make storys with and make books with storys. Me write for hunnerd years and make hunnerd books like Dance Of Happie Shades, Moons A Juper, and Hayship, Frennip, Corp, Love Lip, Marge. Write storys books lot hard work and make me sleep lot, but now win Nobbel Prise and very happie. Nobbel Kitty man say me “master of cuntempry short story!”

Nobbel Prise such good. Is best most good most shine prise for littersure. Other real good peepul win Nobbel Prise and now me win with them. Peepul like Samull Beckt Tony Morris and Jean-Marie Gustave Le Clézio. Me no like read but these peepul good write cuz they win Nobbel Prise and that is best prise and now me win cuz me master of cuntempry short story.

Alice Munro master of cuntempry short story.

Me win lots wards befour but never Nobbel Prise. Win Pen Malmood Ward win Man Book Innerational Prise win Oh Henry prise win lots of prises. Lots good wards and prises me won but me also no win prises and make sad but now me have Nobbel Prise and me hold onto it tight and not lose it in swim pool like Man Book Innerational Prise.

Nobbel Prise best prise. Biggest prise and most best prise. Not as good as Super Bowl prise but best prise for littersure. Most shine. Most twinkly prise. Make sparkle. Make pretty. Twinkle good. sparkle gud.

Me very happie win prise and very excite but me hungry now so go get pan cake and then sleep but thunk u again Nobbel Kublitty for Nobbel Prise. It best, most biggest, most shine prise. It is honor.

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