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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Thunk U For Nobbel Prise, Me Happie Now

Telfone ring tooday and man tell very excite thing. Man voice tell me win big Nobbel Prise! Tell, “Alice Munro win Nobbel Prise!” Cant believe! Always want win Nobbel Prise and now win Nobbel Prise like always want! So thunk u Nobbel Kabitty for big shine prise. Make me so happie and excite.

Me so happie now that me got good best prise.

Nobbel Prise such good prise and me wurk so hard to get. Me write long time and always write long and big. Write lot of words and make storys with and make books with storys. Me write for hunnerd years and make hunnerd books like Dance Of Happie Shades, Moons A Juper, and Hayship, Frennip, Corp, Love Lip, Marge. Write storys books lot hard work and make me sleep lot, but now win Nobbel Prise and very happie. Nobbel Kitty man say me “master of cuntempry short story!”

Nobbel Prise such good. Is best most good most shine prise for littersure. Other real good peepul win Nobbel Prise and now me win with them. Peepul like Samull Beckt Tony Morris and Jean-Marie Gustave Le Clézio. Me no like read but these peepul good write cuz they win Nobbel Prise and that is best prise and now me win cuz me master of cuntempry short story.

Alice Munro master of cuntempry short story.

Me win lots wards befour but never Nobbel Prise. Win Pen Malmood Ward win Man Book Innerational Prise win Oh Henry prise win lots of prises. Lots good wards and prises me won but me also no win prises and make sad but now me have Nobbel Prise and me hold onto it tight and not lose it in swim pool like Man Book Innerational Prise.

Nobbel Prise best prise. Biggest prise and most best prise. Not as good as Super Bowl prise but best prise for littersure. Most shine. Most twinkly prise. Make sparkle. Make pretty. Twinkle good. sparkle gud.

Me very happie win prise and very excite but me hungry now so go get pan cake and then sleep but thunk u again Nobbel Kublitty for Nobbel Prise. It best, most biggest, most shine prise. It is honor.

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