adBlockCheck

Visit the Zweibel Curio and Amusement Museum!

Top Headlines

Recent News

How Fashion Trends Arise

With the growing popularity of “fast fashion,” or designs that move quickly from the runway to retail chains, many wonder how their favorite styles first arise. The Onion breaks down the process step by step

SpaceX’s Plan To Colonize Mars

SpaceX founder Elon Musk continues to lay the groundwork to attempt the human colonization of Mars. Here’s a step-by-step guide to his plan:

Bill Clinton Resting Up To Sit Upright At Next Debate

CHAPPAQUA, NY—Stating that the former commander-in-chief had his sights squarely set on next Sunday, spokespeople for the Hillary for America campaign informed reporters Wednesday that Bill Clinton is currently resting up in preparation for another evening of sitting upright at the next presidential debate.

Cyclist Clearly Loves Signaling Turns

MILWAUKEE—Judging by the firm outward thrust of the woman’s arm and the length of times she held the gestures, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a local bicycle rider clearly loves signaling turns.

Fact-Checking The First Presidential Debate

Addressing issues ranging from national security to trade to their personal controversies, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump squared off in the first presidential debate Monday. The Onion takes a look at the validity of their bolder claims:
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Visit the Zweibel Curio and Amusement Museum!

Doubtless, you working-men out there are saving your pennies for summer outings with your families. I am sure many of you are planning jaunts to the sea-shore, or excursions to such breathtaking landmarks as Gary, IN, and the Mesabi Range. May I humbly suggest, however, that you could do worse than to visit the Zweibel Curio and Amusement Museum, located just 10 miles from the Zweibel Estate. For a mere two bits, the public may observe the weird and wondrous phenomena of the world.

The Museum was founded in 1817, decades before that scoundrel Phineas Taylor Barnum opened his low-life horror-chamber in New-York City, and it contains astounding sights that not even the world's most learned gentlemen can adequately explain. It would be of great detriment to the Museum to list all the acquisitions, as then roguish gentlemen would seek to replicate it and thereby cheapen its great reputation. Therefore, I shall only name a few of the attractions, enough to elicit and excite the public curiosity:

The world-famous Man Who Is Shaped Like A Tapir.
A brief moving-picture, exhibited on the famous Edison Kinetoscope, of a woman in her petticoat.
The skeleton of a mastodon whooping a stuffed duck.
A wondrous demonstration of electrical conductivity.
A chimp who can smoke a cigar.
An exhibit chronicling the history of underpants.
An in-house smelting factory, where visitors may observe seven- and eight-year-old employees hard at work.
The knees of the martyred St. Gherkin.
A shoot-the-chutes.

As I have mentioned, this represents a mere fraction of the wonders the Zweibel Museum has to offer. When at the Museum, be sure to drop by the gift shop and purchase a novelty doll or penny postcard souvenir for a family member or associate. There is also a cafeteria, where one may purchase a small coffee and kidney pie.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close