adBlockCheck

We Can Have Babies Whenever You Want To

Top Headlines

Recent News

Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

We Can Have Babies Whenever You Want To

I just want you to know that we can start having babies whenever you want to. Not that we have to have our first one right now, of course. I mean, we always said we wanted to wait until we were ready, and I still do. It's just that we've been married for almost a whole year now. So, I just want you to know that whenever you feel like you're ready to start having the children, just go ahead and tell me.

I don't want to seem pushy, but I just know you'll make the greatest daddy. I'm willing to play it by ear, I really am, but we need to plan, or the time will slip right by, and we won't even notice. We want to give our children the best years of our lives, right? We don't want to be selfish, do we?

Don't worry, it's no big deal. It's not urgent or anything. I was just thinking about it because my mom was asking when we were going to have some kids. My sister Judy is a year and a half younger than I am, and she and Greg are on their third already. Imagine that! Me, almost 26, and not even a single child yet.

Oh my gosh, I just realized I'm almost 30. If we wait much longer, when our fourth child graduates from high school, we'll both be at least 55–and almost 60 by the time we're grandparents. But if that's okay with you, I guess it's okay with me.

Just yesterday, I was thinking about that back room. Right now, it's just being used to store the Christmas decorations and my sewing supplies. I could move the sewing machine and that table into the basement, no problem, and, just like that, we'd have an open bedroom. It's mostly homemade baby clothes and blankets stacked up in there, anyway.

So, you see, it's not like we'd even need a bigger house. I know we said we wanted to wait until we could afford a nicer place, but now that I think about it, that wouldn't matter at all while the first baby is still small. Sure, we'd want to move by the time the babies were older, but there are a lot of nice places available. I saw a beautiful four-bedroom split-level over on Maple Street with a sign on the lawn. I have the realtor's number in my purse.

But, like I said, I want to wait as long as you do. After all, we're raising this child together. Of course, you can keep right on at the construction company, because I wouldn't mind taking a few years off to stay at home. I talked to Dr. Fassell last week, and he said I would always have a job to return to at the dental clinic.

You know, once I go off birth control, it still might take awhile to get pregnant. I've heard of couples trying for years to conceive. Do you think it would be a good idea for me to stop taking the pill now, so that when we decide we want to have our first we'll be totally ready? In fact, maybe we should start trying right now, just so that we're not disappointed if it takes longer than we thought. Only if you think that's a good idea, though.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close