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How To Combat Harassment Online

Online harassment is an increasingly contentious issue, with social media sites like Twitter and Reddit pressured to crack down on users’ abusive behavior. Here are The Onion’s tips for combating harassment online:

Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

A Timeline Of Trump’s Relationship With The Press

President-elect Donald Trump routinely insists that he is treated unfairly by the press, while many in the news industry have openly expressed how difficult it can be to report on him in today’s chaotic media environment. Here is a timeline of the major events that have shaped this relationship.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

The Pros And Cons Of Universal Basic Income

As Finland tests a program to give a universal basic income to unemployed citizens, many wonder if a similar initiative could work in the United States. Here are some pros and cons of such a program:

What Compromising Information Does Russia Have On Donald Trump?

On Tuesday, it was reported that leaders of American intelligence agencies had given Donald Trump a memo advising that Russia had gathered compromising personal information about him as part of a wider effort to disrupt the election, though these claims remain unsubstantiated and both the president-elect and the Kremlin deny these reports. Here’s a look at what damaging information Russia may have in its possession.

Treat Yourself Right

This past year was a tough time for Smoove. You may remember that early on in the year, my favorite white silk suit was ruined by my dry cleaner. Not only did this mean losing one of my freshest outfits, but it also meant having to search for a new cleaner, as the trust between us had been broken beyond repair. The search for a new dry cleaner was ultimately successful, but it was long and exhausting.

How Confirmation Hearings Work

On Tuesday, Congress began holding confirmation hearings to evaluate the fitness of President-elect Donald Trump’s cabinet nominees for their offices. Here is a step-by-step guide to the confirmation hearing process.
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We Can Have Babies Whenever You Want To

I just want you to know that we can start having babies whenever you want to. Not that we have to have our first one right now, of course. I mean, we always said we wanted to wait until we were ready, and I still do. It's just that we've been married for almost a whole year now. So, I just want you to know that whenever you feel like you're ready to start having the children, just go ahead and tell me.

I don't want to seem pushy, but I just know you'll make the greatest daddy. I'm willing to play it by ear, I really am, but we need to plan, or the time will slip right by, and we won't even notice. We want to give our children the best years of our lives, right? We don't want to be selfish, do we?

Don't worry, it's no big deal. It's not urgent or anything. I was just thinking about it because my mom was asking when we were going to have some kids. My sister Judy is a year and a half younger than I am, and she and Greg are on their third already. Imagine that! Me, almost 26, and not even a single child yet.

Oh my gosh, I just realized I'm almost 30. If we wait much longer, when our fourth child graduates from high school, we'll both be at least 55–and almost 60 by the time we're grandparents. But if that's okay with you, I guess it's okay with me.

Just yesterday, I was thinking about that back room. Right now, it's just being used to store the Christmas decorations and my sewing supplies. I could move the sewing machine and that table into the basement, no problem, and, just like that, we'd have an open bedroom. It's mostly homemade baby clothes and blankets stacked up in there, anyway.

So, you see, it's not like we'd even need a bigger house. I know we said we wanted to wait until we could afford a nicer place, but now that I think about it, that wouldn't matter at all while the first baby is still small. Sure, we'd want to move by the time the babies were older, but there are a lot of nice places available. I saw a beautiful four-bedroom split-level over on Maple Street with a sign on the lawn. I have the realtor's number in my purse.

But, like I said, I want to wait as long as you do. After all, we're raising this child together. Of course, you can keep right on at the construction company, because I wouldn't mind taking a few years off to stay at home. I talked to Dr. Fassell last week, and he said I would always have a job to return to at the dental clinic.

You know, once I go off birth control, it still might take awhile to get pregnant. I've heard of couples trying for years to conceive. Do you think it would be a good idea for me to stop taking the pill now, so that when we decide we want to have our first we'll be totally ready? In fact, maybe we should start trying right now, just so that we're not disappointed if it takes longer than we thought. Only if you think that's a good idea, though.

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