Fellow Americans, to call for war is to be absolutely certain in one's convictions. And never have I been so certain of the necessity for bloodshed than at this moment in our history, for our enemy—a nation held in contempt by free men the world over—is weak, and her empire is slipping from her once-mighty grip. To speak the name of the tyrant is to befoul the mouth of Democracy. But speak it we must, if only to call the armed might of our nation down upon its foul malignancy. For arm ourselves we must—against the evil that is England!
For too long that island has been a source of woe, a grasping, greedy empire, the black heart of evil beating across the Atlantic. I was only 19 when we fought the Second World War, but I was flabbergasted when we allied ourselves with the English in 1941. Four years later, I was devastated to learn that the atomic bomb would not be tested on Manchester as FDR had planned. Harry Truman, a weak and short-sighted fool, dropped it on Japan instead. Had he stayed true to Oppenheimer's vision, we would not have suffered the British Invasion of the 1960s, a dark page in our history that was far bloodier and less innocent than hippies and Anglophiles would have you believe.
History is riddled with missed opportunities to conquer our former enslavers. In 1982, Ronald Reagan missed a chance to make them fight a two-front war during the Falkland crisis, for he was a weakling with no taste for armed conflict. Now, as brave Chinamen engage the British in house-to-house fighting through the streets of Hong Kong, we are in a position of strength. The British have also elected a new Prime Minister of War, Tony Blair, who is less likely to effectively carry out the strategies of the King.
Across the world, British rule is in decline; close observation reveals that they are losing control of their holdings in India, Canada, Mexico and Africa. If we were to strike now, rebellions would break out in British territories worldwide. This would force the King to spread his military far and wide to keep the peace, or risk losing territories in which the seeds of democracy and freedom could find fertile purchase.
Friends, the fight will not be easy. The decision to war against England is even more difficult now that they are constructing their own nuclear arsenal. We may have to launch a preemptive nuclear strike on London, Birmingham and Leeds, leaving those cities a blasted hellscape unfit for life until time immemorial. It would be a tragedy—the Englishmen, though evil, have a natural tendency toward politeness which makes them excellent slaves. Whatever course Commander-In-Chief Clinton decides upon, we must be as united in our efforts to defeat the Crown as we are in our hatred of it.
It was Andrew Jackson, Old Ironribs himself, who said, "From time to time, the Tree of Liberty must be glutted with the blood of Englishmen." My friends, he knew of what he spoke!
I thank you for your time.