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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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Who Will Win the Base-Ball Matches?

My nurse informs me that it is now the autumn-time, which to every red-blooded American boy means the season in which the professional base-ball sporting clubs vie for a berth in the great Championship Series of the World. I predict that the Knickerbockers will give those accursed Red Stockings a sound thrashing. Of course, we can't count out the great Pie Traynor and his Philadelphia Peglegs.

Nothing is more American than the base-ball matches! I love the excited roar of the teeming crowd, the taste of the braunschweiger sandwiches and the scent of the wooden bleachers. When I see a group of immigrant boys playing a crude match of rounders in the streets of the village, I feel pride for the assimilating spirit of the sport. I have the constubalary arrest them for vagrancy, but I am proud nonetheless.

Sadly, however, the great base-ball is being threatened by a new amusement called hoop-the-ball. My nurse, for one, enjoys listening to the matches upon the small wireless she tries to secret from me in her vast skirts.

This game involves the placement of a large, inflated boar-skin sphere into a peach basket with the bottom cut out of it, which is suspended from a barn roof. Two teams of roughs, clothed in only their union-suits, attempt to wrest the boar-skin from each other's possession.

It is no wonder that hoop-the-ball, with its primitive objective, appeals to the criminal element. Base-ball consists of complex rules which require a strong intellectual and moral underpinning. But the confusing, unruly way in which the hoop-the-ball teams mill about the playing field only underscores the sport's moral and cerebral weakness.

What's more, the hoop-the-ball teams seem more interested in selling their crude footwear to the public than engaging in their lowly recreation.

If our base-ball players were to follow such an example, they might end up demanding to have their own personal galvanized steel buckets for tobacco-spitting and perhaps even their names and likenesses printed on small cardboard lithographs which accompany samples of chewing gum. Don't say you weren't warned, base-ball owners!

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