Winning Father's Day Essay: My Dad Beats Me Because He Loves Me

In This Section

Vol 29 Issue 20

An Open Letter from the Creator of Olestra to Fat People

Food lovers of America, a revolutionary new synthetic fat-substitute wonder-substance created under my direction has at last been approved by the FDA and will soon reach your supermarket shelves: “Olestra.” This exciting substance allows you to eat more o...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Winning Father's Day Essay: My Dad Beats Me Because He Loves Me

By Jeffrey Helms, age 8

My daddy is the best daddy ever and I will tell you why. He beats me, that’s why. He shows me that he loves me by beating me. That is okay because everyone has a different way of showing someone that they love them. (That’s what my mommy says.) My daddy shows his love with his closed fists. I love my dad. But I don’t beat him. I show love by hugging people. Different people show love in different ways. Whenever I hug my dad, he beats me.

I asked my mommy why daddy hits me so much, and she said it was because he loves me. I asked her why it had to hurt so much and she cried, like she always does, and said that sometimes love hurts. One time I even had to go to the hospital because mommy was afraid daddy broke my collar bone. It feels good to know that I am loved so much that it could cause me to go to the hospital.

My daddy also has a special love smell. My mommy says it’s from what my daddy drinks when he goes to the bar. But every time my daddy shows me he loves me, I smell that special smell that tells me that I am loved.

If you counted all the times my daddy hits me, it’s a lot. Since each time he beats me it means he loves me, then he loves me up to four to five times per day. I must be a very lucky child. My mommy is scared, though. My daddy beats her also. He beats her even more than he beats me. My daddy must love my mommy a lot. I guess that’s why they decided to get married.

Sometimes my daddy likes to beat me when we’re at the dinner table eating. My daddy will get out of his chair and hit me in the face and on the head over and over until my mommy starts crying and yelling at him. Then he hits her. After that, we go and watch TV together. So I belong in a very loving family, since we have more than our share of love beatings to go around.

One time when we went to the emergency clinic because mommy thought daddy had caused a blood vessel to burst in my eye, there was some lady there who told my daddy that he may be in violation of state penal code 22(ii) sec. 3.j., which is a law. I don’t know what that all means. All I know is that my daddy loves me.

My daddy yelled at the lady and asked her, “You don’t think I love my kid?” and, “You don’t think I’m good enough to be the kid’s dad?” and questions like that. I knew that he loved me because he was sticking up for me. We got out of that hospital very fast.

Someday I hope my eye will heal.

Next time your daddy ever hits you, tell him that you love him back even though it hurts to be loved. And you should hope that when you grow up you can get married to somebody who loves you just as much as my daddy loves me so you can have the same loving home for your kids that I have.

Jump to next story

Onion Video

Watch More