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Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.

How Obamacare Can Be Improved

With Aetna just the latest health insurance provider to opt out of covering Obamacare markets, many are wondering what changes can make the Affordable Care Act more appealing to customers and insurance companies. Here are some proposed improvements

How Internet Clickbait Works

Facebook and other sites have recently begun to fight back against “clickbait,” often misleading internet posts designed to be seen by as many readers as possible. The Onion breaks down the production and spread of this content

Home Depot Employee Can Tell This Customer’s First Attempt At Pipe Bomb

APPLETON, WI—Shaking his head Monday as the customer selected a length of plastic pipe over a stronger metal alternative and placed it into his shopping cart, local Home Depot sales associate Graham Warner, 57, was reportedly able to tell right away that this was the store patron’s first attempt at making a pipe bomb.

Disappointing Buffalo Wild Wings Not Living Up To Ridicule

LOS ANGELES—Describing the experience as a significant letdown, local diner Eric Tidwell told reporters that the disappointing Buffalo Wild Wings franchise he visited Thursday night failed to live up to the scorn he had long heard about the restaurant.

KFC Introduces New Previously Owned 20-Piece Hot Wings

LOUISVILLE, KY—In an effort to meet the changing demands of its consumers, fast-food chain Kentucky Fried Chicken announced Wednesday that it has begun offering customers the option of purchasing, at a significant discount, a 20-piece box of pre-owned hot wings.
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Your Safety Is Our Second Concern

As CEO of Johnson Home Products, manufacturers of quality household appliances and furnishings since 1884, I would like to take a moment to assure you, our valued customer, that your safety is our number-two concern.

Whether you're using a Johnson food processor to prepare a delicious meal for your family, switching on your Johnson track-lighting system to read a book, or installing a new Johnson shelving unit in your children's playroom, you can feel confident knowing that your safety is right near the top of our list. In fact, it's almost number one.

It's a shame, but some companies these days tend to forget about the customer. Maybe it's because they've grown too big and have lost sight of what really matters. Or maybe it's because they just don't want to go the extra mile. Well, here at Johnson, we care about you and your well-being. In fact, it's practically what we care about most.

In every Johnson Home Products factory, there hangs a sign reminding each assembly-line worker what is most important as they put the nuts and bolts into the gas kitchen ranges, ceiling fans and garage-door openers that will find their way into homes like yours all across America. And right below that sign is a smaller, but still very readable, sign reminding those workers that product safety is also somewhat significant.

Even in the planning stages of a Johnson product, long before it reaches store shelves, we sit down and talk about what counts most. And almost every time, someone mentions consumer safety, usually within the first half-hour.

At the federally required Johnson Home Products testing facility in East Brunswick, NJ, we've learned to ask questions: Does this product comply with national standards? Does it pose a risk of any kind? Will it explode if dropped? Sooner or later, nearly all of these questions are brought up for consideration.

Some of those bigger companies, companies that take in more than our average annual revenue of $40 billion, think only about profit and the bottom line. But here at Johnson Home Products, we know there should also be time set aside to think about safety. Now, maybe the safety meeting is a little later in the day, and maybe it isn't mandatory, so not everyone shows up for it, but you'd better believe we're going to keep holding those meetings anyway.

In fact, you can be sure your safety occasionally crosses our mind, because we put the Johnson Pledge Of Quality on every box, right below the product warnings. As my grandfather, Josiah A. Johnson, said when he founded this company more than 100 years ago, "At Johnson, the customer comes second." That's right—not third, not fourth... second. And that's the Johnson promise.

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Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.

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