50 states
North Dakota Not Heard From In 48 Hours
MIDWEST—Neighboring states are growing increasingly worried about North Dakota after not hearing from the state for 48 hours. "North Dakota tends to keep to ...
National Guard Mobilized For University Of Mississippi Class Of '62 Reunion
OXFORD, MS—With tensions mounting, President Clinton ordered over 2,500 Army and National Guard troops to Oxford Wednesday in anticipation of this weekend's ...
Exxon Donates $70 Million To Clean Up Portland Man's Life
PORTLAND, OR—In a move hailed by environmentalists as its first act of responsibility toward area resident Dan Fanshaw, Exxon Corp. announced that it will ...
Los Angeles To Siphon Water From Minorities' Bodies
LOS ANGELES—After 12 years of political controversy, legal delays and statewide referendums, California legislative officials and Los Angeles municipal authorities finally greenlighted a proposal ...
Tennessee Legislature Divided Over Ford-Chevy Issue
NASHVILLE, TN—The Tennessee state legislature will hold a historic, first-ever Sunday session this week to break a three-week Ford-Chevy deadlock, The Tennesseean reported Friday.
Connecticut Man Visited By Being From Another Time Zone
NORWALK, CT—Past met present Monday when Norwalk resident Tony Shearing was visited by his cousin, Paul Kulwicki, who resides in the state of Missouri ...
North Dakota Flooding Reminds People Of North Dakota's Existence
FARGO, ND—Flood waters reached record highs throughout North Dakota Tuesday, causing millions in property damage and reminding non-North Dakotans of the existence of the ...
Casual One-Nighter Gives Strom Thurmond Change Of Heart On Gay Issue
WASHINGTON, DC—Thurmond described the homoerotic rendezvous as "a loving and mutually rewarding exchange of affection."
Ask A Salmon
Ask A Salmon is a weekly syndicated advice column that appears in over 250 newspapers nationwide
The Packers Rule! vs. For 500 Years My People Have Been Tortured And Persecuted, Slaves In Our Own Land
Let me tell you this, my friend: The Green Bay Packers rule! Brett Favre, Reggie White and the boys are going all the way this ...
Civil War Enthusiasts Burn Atlanta To Ground
ATLANTA—The city of Atlanta was destroyed and 230,000 were killed Sunday when a group of overzealous Civil War buffs marched through the Georgian ...
Hawaiian Punch Physicists Unveil New 500-Megaton Very-Berry Bomb
OAHU, HI—Sources deep within Hawaiian Punch's secret military compound near Oahu revealed Monday that the fruit juice superpower has developed a devastating new ...












