WOODWARD, OK—U.S. teens are "getting wasted" down at the local quarry 37 percent less than in years past, according to the small-town sheriffs ...

ENID, OK—Andrew Colquitt expressed pride Monday in a drunken cross-country calling spree he'd embarked on the previous night. "I really gave that dick ...

CHARLOTTE, NC—After a long day of meetings and seminars, business traveler Patrick Hodge stayed up late Monday, closing the mini-bar in room 1815 of ...

WASHINGTON, DC—By an 8-1 decision, the U.S. Supreme Court cock-blocked Des Moines, IA, bar patron Jon Carmody Friday, severely curtailing his power to ...

BOWLING GREEN, KY—With the one-year anniversary of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks fast approaching, Tommy's Tavern owner Thomas Kuharski is trying to determine ...

HOUSTON— Fans of alcoholic beverages were excited by the opening of J.T. O'Drinky's, a new booze-themed bar. "Lots of people love alcohol ...

FALL RIVER, MA— According to fellow urinators in the men's room of the Tip-Top Tavern, Steve Rilke, 44, is urinating as if it were ...

BETHEL PARK, PA— Local resident Randy Paltz's two-year home-brewing phase finally came to its long-overdue conclusion Tuesday. "Thank God, it's over at last ...

NEW YORK—Roland Kiefer, a recently hired art director with the advertising agency TBWA/Chiat/Day, was overcome with emotion Monday upon learning that he ...

GLENWOOD SPRINGS, CO— Pete Strausbaugh, 33, a Denver-area electrician, realized a longtime dream Saturday when he got drunk in an A-frame house. "Man, that was ...

DEATH MOUNTAIN— The skull of Wynric Lance, failed claimant to the throne of Eirea, does not make as good a wine goblet as Lord Shryke ...

SEVILLE, SPAIN—Junior John Blevins has met new and exotic drinking buddies from the University of Miami.

MISSOULA, MT—The 4-H pledge was drunkenly recalled Saturday, when a trio of former 4-H members recited the international youth organization's oath between swigs ...

ST. LOUIS–Hot on the heels of his successful line of non-curative medicines, non-alcoholic-beer inventor Thomas O'Doul unveiled "Elmer's Slick," a glue that ...

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA–Insisting that calling the liquor store for assistance is "totally unnecessary," University of Virginia sophomore and house-party attendee Josh Pelham heroically vowed to ...