Automobiles
Report: It Pretty Incredible That Americans Entrusted With Driving Cars
WASHINGTON—Citing that a majority of Americans are irresponsible, easily distracted people who have little regard for other human beings, a new Department of Transportation ...
Man With Strong Brand Loyalty Willing To Kill For Mazda
LONGMONT, CO—In a stern warning aimed at critics of Mazdas everywhere, area man Matthew Hunker, a longtime Mazda driver with two Mazdas in his ...
Lasers Could Replace Spark Plugs
A team of Japanese researchers has developed an improved fuel ignition system that would use lasers instead of spark plugs.
Chrysler Names '83 LeBaron CEO
AUBURN HILLS, MI—Praising the vehicle's 25 years of experience, its proven dependability, and its 2.2-liter internal combustion engine,...
U.S. Driving Less
Americans drove 53.2 billion fewer miles in the past nine months than they did in a comparable period a year ago. What do you ...
Casual NASCAR Fan Fails To Appreciate Subtleties Of Eight-Car Crash
WESTCHESTER, NY—Occasional stock-car-racing viewer Rob Kleindienst remained unaware of, if not unimpressed by, the strategic and mechanical...
Area Man Misses Rental Car
SCHAUMBURG, IL—One week after returning to his 1994 Acura Integra following a business trip in Indianapolis, Schaumburg resident Gerry Davis,...
DOT: Dangerous Intersection Causing Some Pretty Cool Accidents
SACRAMENTO, CA—A series of wicked brutal wrecks at the intersection of McKinley and Grove have been officially classified as "spec-fucking-tacular."
Koren Robinson Promises His Next Drunk-Driving Incident Will Outdo Steve Foley's
GREEN BAY, WI—Troubled Packers wide receiver/kick returner Koren Robinson reacted to news of San Diego Chargers' linebacker Steve Foley's...
Texas Penguin Truck Accident
Last week, a truck carrying exotic fish, penguins, and an octopus overturned on a Texas highway, spilling its cargo. What do you think?
Criminal Mad That Man Called The Cops On Him
OAKLAND, CA—Ben Patton, arrested Monday, said he was angry that a passerby reported him to the police. "I'm minding my own fucking business ...
Cuba To Buy Car
HAVANA–In a bid to bring its citizens greater independence, the nation of Cuba decided Tuesday to pool its resources and purchase a car. "We ...












