Obama Fed Grapes While Urging Press Conference To Enjoy Orgy
WASHINGTON—Standing before members of the White House Press Corps Wednesday afternoon as aides lowered a bunch of grapes into his mouth, President Obama encouraged ...
Barack obama
Obama Fondly Recalls Frustration Of First Term
WASHINGTON—Saying that those were definitely some good times, a reflective President Obama told reporters Friday that the current scandals plaguing his administration have made ...
The Onion Urges Barack Obama To Come Clean About The Basilisk Project
This week, President Barack Obama and his administration have come under fire from political opponents seeking an explanation for the White House’s alleged complicity ...
Obama Supporter Has Perfectly Improbable Explanation Absolving President From Blame For Scandals
CORTLAND, NY—Amid mounting scrutiny over scandals involving last September’s attack on the U.S.
Obama Speechwriters Unsure How They’d Praise Fort Lauderdale In Event Of Tragedy
WASHINGTON—Claiming that nothing about the city really evokes the strong sense of pride and endurance that typically serves as a source of strength in ...
Obama Explains How They Get All Those Cars On The Back Of One Of Those Trucks
WASHINGTON—Speaking at a nationally televised press conference from the White House this morning, President Obama explained to the nation how they load all those ...
'Fuck You,' Obama Says In Hilarious Correspondents' Dinner Speech
'No, Really, Fuck Every One Of You'
WASHINGTON—President Obama left attendees of the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner in stitches Saturday night after delivering a hilarious speech repeatedly telling the entire ...
Obama Orders Reinvasion Of Iraq After Illuminating Trip Through Bush Presidential Library
DALLAS—After taking an “eye-opening” tour of the newly dedicated George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum in Dallas Thursday, President Barack Obama reportedly ordered ...
'Syrians' Lives Are Worthless,' Obama Tells Daughters Before Kissing Them Goodnight
WASHINGTON—While tucking in his daughters as they settled into bed Tuesday evening, President Barack Obama reportedly kissed the two children gently on the forehead ...
President Personally Performs First Obamacare Euthanization
WASHINGTON—In a symbolic ceremony celebrating the signature legislative achievement of his administration, President Barack Obama personally euthanized terminal cancer patient Shirley Hunnicutt, 73, at ...
Obama Sarcastically Asks How Israel Afforded Such A Great Missile Defense System
JERUSALEM—While touring Israel’s “Iron Dome” all-weather missile defense system Wednesday, President Barack Obama sarcastically asked Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu where he got all ...
Itinerary For Obama's Visit To Israel
In his first visit to Israel as president, Barack Obama will meet with the Middle Eastern nation’s top leaders over the next three days ...
'This Is A Pointless Trip,' Obama Says While Shaking Hands With Netanyahu
TEL AVIV, ISRAEL—Moments after stepping out from Air Force One Wednesday, President Barack Obama reportedly greeted Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu at Ben Gurion International ...
'The State Of The Union Is Strong,' Says Man Responsible For Shielding Nation From Truth
WASHINGTON—Though presiding over a country hampered by war, an economic recession, dramatic cultural upheaval, and a partisan divide at the highest levels of government ...
Completely Self-Absorbed Obama Gets Up And Just Talks For An Hour Straight
WASHINGTON—In a shocking display of deep self-absorption and narcissistic behavior, President Barack Obama stood up in front of the entire nation Tuesday and talked ...
Obama's State Of The Union Address
On Tuesday night, President Barack Obama will appear before a joint session of Congress and deliver his first State of the Union address since being ...
Sweating Obama Admits Drone Strikes Have Been Happening On Their Own
WASHINGTON—Speaking at a hastily called White House press conference Friday, a visibly tense and perspiring President Barack Obama confessed that the United States’ fleet ...
Obama Blanks On What He's Ineffectually Urging Congress To Take Action On Now
WASHINGTON—While speaking to the White House press corps Wednesday, President Barack Obama is reported to have completely blanked on which issue he was ineffectually ...
