bars

  • Report: Guy Just Put 10 Bucks In Jukebox

    ISSUE 46•04 | 01.27.10 | News in Brief

    EAST LANSING, MI—Gold Mine Bar & Grill sources report that, just as you got change back from the two pitchers you ordered, some guy walked... more»

  • Botanists Vow Not To Discuss Botany During After-Work Drinks

    ISSUE 44•17 | 04.22.08 | News in Brief

    AMHERST, MA—After years of promising not to discuss work after hours but always failing, botanists at Hampshire College's Agricultural Studies... more»

  • Pool Cues Go Unused In Disappointing Bar Fight

    ISSUE 43•44 | 10.31.07 | News in Brief

    SIOUX CITY, IA—Patrons of the Clover Leaf Tavern expressed dismay Saturday after a fight between Jeffrey Kline, 32, and James Dougherty, 30,... more»

  • Description Of Sexual Fantasy Changing With Girlfriend's Reaction

    ISSUE 43•37 | 09.15.07 | News

    HOUSTON— "I put my finger up your—lips. Up to your lips. Like, to hush you, because the moment is so awe-inspiring," said Kendler, choking back his actual fantasy. more»

  • Area Man Somehow Roped Into Arguing Passionately For Green Day

    ISSUE 43•21 | 05.21.07 | News in Brief

    YOUNGSTOWN, OH—Though he admitted he hasn't listened to the band in 10 years, tech-support specialist Jonathan Meagher, 25, somehow found... more»

  • Raging Alcoholic Will Get Liver Stapled

    ISSUE 42•37 | 09.15.06 | Radio News

  • Jimmy Buffett Pays For Own Drink For First Time In 17 Years

    ISSUE 42•37 | 09.14.06 | News in Brief

    MIAMI BEACH, FL—Entertainment personality and novelty-song writer Jimmy Buffett sustained confusion Monday after being forced to hand over... more»

  • Bartender Developing A Remarkable Tolerance For Alcoholics

    ISSUE 42•37 | 09.08.06 | News in Brief

    MADISON, NJ—Chris Becker, bartender at the Silver Nickel tavern, said he was growing increasingly worried about his growing tolerance for... more»

  • Stripper Does Adequate Job

    ISSUE 42•36 | 09.01.06 | News in Brief

    HOUSTON, TX—Executives attending a special conference in the VIP Room of Ajax Gentleman's Club responded positively and expressed general... more»

  • Alcohol-Themed Bar Opens

    ISSUE 42•33 | 08.20.06 | Radio News

  • Senate Softball Team Loses Against Local Bar

    ISSUE 42•29 | 07.23.06 | Radio News

  • Alcohol Awareness Class

    ISSUE 42•01 | 01.10.06 | American Voices

    Colleges across the country are requiring incoming freshmen to take an online alcohol-awareness course. What do you think? more»

  • CBGB's Lease Expires

    ISSUE 41•36 | 09.09.05 | American Voices

    The landlord of the CBGB's building announced that he will not renew the lease of the legendary New York club. What do you think? more»

  • Having-One-Beer Plan Goes Awry

    ISSUE 41•21 | 05.25.05 | News

    YPSILANTI, MI—Due to outside influence and unforeseen events, the having-one-beer plan that 29-year-old Keith Flemming devised at the outset of Monday evening went awry. more»

  • Bartender Hurt By Unfinished Drink

    ISSUE 41•17 | 04.27.05 | News in Brief

    DENVER—Eddie Meagher, a bartender at Madhatter's Pub, reported that he was "deeply hurt" by an unfinished Long Island Ice Tea left behind by one of his patrons Monday. "I made that drink especially for him," said a visibly disappointed Meagher. "Why would he leave almost a third of it sitting there? If something was wrong with it, he should've told me so. Then I could fix it." According to coworkers, Meagher hasn't been this upset since a patron thoughtlessly vomited four meticulously crafted Cosmos onto the street in front of the bar last Thursday. more»

  • Bar Bet Becomes Increasingly Complex

    ISSUE 41•10 | 03.09.05 | News in Brief

    DETROIT, MI—Onlookers at Schutt's Tavern report that a bet between two customers grew to almost unworkable complexity Monday. "Okay, let's get clear on this," said bartender Tim Alighire, officiating the wager. "If Sin City doesn't suck, Roger has to join Gary's pool team instead of Keith's, but only if Gary gets Troy to join too, in which case Gary has to pay Roger's dues and Roger has to chip in for half of Troy's dues? And Troy... no, Gary gets to decide if the movie is good?" Watching his two customers shake hands, Alighire said he wished that hockey season hadn't been canceled. more»

  • Cocksucker Beats Up Motherfucker

    ISSUE 41•06 | 02.09.05 | News in Brief

    GAINESVILLE, FL—In an ass-kicking on the sidewalk in front of the Red Room on Juniper Avenue Saturday, some 23-year-old cocksucker totally wasted this motherfucker, 22, like the prick was standing still. "You want a piece of me?" asked the motherfucker, who minutes later got his goddamn ass handed to him on a plate. According to some dudes who saw the whole thing, the motherfucker kissed the fucking pavement after the cocksucker delivered a bad-ass left hook. The motherfucker was unavailable for comment, because he was busy picking his teeth up off the ground. more»

  • Everyone On Campus Afraid Of That One Bar

    ISSUE 40•42 | 10.20.04 | News in Brief

    SPOKANE, WA—Members of the Washington State University-Spokane student body announced Monday that everyone is afraid to visit K-Dee's Tap, that one bar without any windows next to the hardware store on Fordam Avenue. "[K-Dee's] is some kind of biker drug bar or something," sophomore Peter Mendis said. "The drinks are super cheap and they stay open like an hour after bar time, but don't go in there. My friend J.J.'s roommate's brother almost got stabbed there." K-Dee's leather-jacketed bartender, a 67-year-old with a leg brace, said he had no recollection of the near-stabbing, but did caution that, in general, the regular patrons do not welcome "college boys." more»

  • Bargoer Starts To Hit Stride After Hitting On Fifth Girl

    ISSUE 40•32 | 08.11.04 | News

    JACKSONVILLE, FL—Brad Framik, a contract attorney at Russell Law Offices and self-described "player," announced Saturday that he was "starting to hit my stride" after unsuccessfully coming on to five women at the Red Rock nightclub. more»

  • Mild Sexual Harassment Ignored To Save The Hassle

    ISSUE 40•27 | 07.07.04 | News in Brief

    NEW HAVEN, CT—Mindy Neuberg, 29, ignored an instance of sexual harassment "just to avoid the hassle," the attractive writer reported Tuesday. "This bouncer at Sweeney's pulled me out of the line to 'frisk me for weapons,' and after calling me 'sweet-cheeks,' he spent way too much time checking me for a gun," Neuberg said. "I should have complained, but I would've had to get his name, find the manager, and make my case... It just didn't seem worth it." Neuberg said that her decision to drop the issue was also influenced by the fact that, "after getting publicly felt up by some meathead," she really needed to get to the bar for a gin and tonic. more»

  • Guys' Night Out To Include Several Key Non-Guys

    ISSUE 40•23 | 06.10.04 | News in Brief

    COLUMBUS, OH—Though buddies Jim Foglia, Chuck Harvestine, and Russell Vento insisted that Thursday will be a "guys night out," certain key non-guys are likely to be in attendance, sources reported Tuesday. "Honey, we're just going to be drinking beer and talking about the Reds—nothing you'd be interested in," Foglia told his wife Emily, withholding information regarding specific plans to begin the night buying drinks for college girls at the Varsity Club. "Maybe we'll stop for burgers afterward, I don't know." Based on previous "guys' nights," the trio will more likely end the night in the company of non-male lap dancers at the Vroom Vroom Room. more»

  • Rematch With Mechanical Bull Planned All Week Long

    ISSUE 40•12 | 03.24.04 | News

    LEXINGTON, KY—Ever since a humiliatingly short mechanical-bull ride at the Cadillac Ranch last Thursday, area resident Scott Wiseck has been planning a rematch, the 27-year-old UPS deliveryman reported Tuesday. more»

  • God's Gift To Women Returned

    ISSUE 39•40 | 10.15.03 | News in Brief

    TUCSON, AZ—Moments after unsuccessfully propositioning all of the female patrons at the Kon Tiki Lounge, God's gift to women, 31-year-old Patrick Roland, was returned to his maker Monday night. "That Pat guy was cute, but he sure was pushy," said Debbie Werner, a fellow Lounge patron. "He kept trying to buy me Cosmos, but I told him to buzz off. A few minutes later, he stumbled out the door and got run over by a bus." Werner said she hopes that next time God's feeling generous, He gives women something more useful, like money. more»

  • Bartender Refuses To Acknowledge Patron's Regular Status

    ISSUE 39•39 | 10.08.03 | News in Brief

    DAYTON, OH—Hurley's Pub bartender Don O'Hagan once again refused to acknowledge Henry Wells' status as a regular patron, the disappointed customer reported Tuesday. "I've been coming here for nearly two years, and I don't get so much as a nod of recognition when I sit down," said Wells, who estimated he's ordered a Bushmills with a splash of water from O'Hagan nearly 500 times. "I don't expect this place to be like Cheers, I just think that I deserve be treated like a human being, is all." Wells said he seriously considered not leaving a tip on his next round. more»

  • Man In Bar Makes General Inquiry About The Ladies

    ISSUE 39•22 | 06.11.03 | News in Brief

    SAN ANTONIO, TX—Sitting on a barstool at the Stone Werks Tavern, Barry Todd, 39, made a general inquiry regarding the status of the ladies Monday. "So, what's the deal with the ladies tonight?" asked Todd, speaking to no one in particular. "Are they alone, or are they here with somebody? I hope they're not all uptight and stuck-up." After receiving no definitive answer, Todd spent the remainder of the evening flipping through the CDs on the jukebox and nursing his warm Michelob Light. more»

  • This Absolutely The Last Time Bouncer Cleans Up Vomit

    ISSUE 39•18 | 05.14.03 | News in Brief

    LUBBOCK, TX–Bruce Kucharsky, 29, a bouncer at the Come Back Inn, announced Monday that this is "absolutely the last time" he is cleaning up vomit. "This is it," said Kucharsky, mopping up a chunky, peach-hued puddle near the pool table. "I'll clean up the puke this time, but next time, they're gonna find somebody else, or I quit. I ain't no fucking janitor." In his four months as a bouncer at the bar, Kucharsky estimated he has "wiped up chunder, like, at least 300 times." more»

  • Frequent Flyer Knows Out-Of-The-Way Airport Bar That's Never Crowded

    ISSUE 38•47 | 12.18.02 | News

    ATLANTA—Savvy, experienced business traveler Donald Meyers, 46, knows a great out-of-the-way bar at O'Hare Airport's "B" terminal that's never crowded, the frequent flyer said Monday during a layover in Atlanta. Meyers, a project manager for Motorola who is on the road an average of 150 days a year, discovered the Windy City Pub during a three-hour layover at O'Hare in May 2001. He said the bar is one of his top 10 frequent-flying treats. more»

  • Forget All That I Said About Me Being An Alcoholic

    ISSUE 38•45 | 12.04.02 | Commentary

    Oh, come on, guys. Did you actually think I was serious when I said all that stuff? God, that is so funny. I was totally kidding when I said I was an alcoholic. You didn't honestly believe all that stuff I said last night about "feeling like my life was whizzing out of control," did you? It was a joke. Haven't you ever heard of "humor" before? more»

  • Alcohol-Themed Bar Opens

    ISSUE 38•26 | 07.24.02 | News in Brief

    HOUSTON— Fans of alcoholic beverages were excited by the opening of J.T. O'Drinky's, a new booze-themed bar. "Lots of people love alcohol, so we figured that a bar centered on that concept was a natural," said Jim Reichel, owner and creator of the bar. "Patrons can enjoy a 'Gin and Tonic,' and other whimsically named drinks, as well as enjoy our decor, which includes posters and neon signs celebrating various beers and liquors." more»

  • Karaoke Singer Will Survive

    07.24.02 | Newswire

American Voices »

U.S. Cuts Aid To Pakistan

“Why should everyone in Pakistan have to suffer for one doctor’s foolish decision to rid the nation of a mass murderer?”

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