Baseball Experts: It Still Early
NEW YORK— Despite the fact that the season is well over a month old and league standings are starting to take shape, Major League Baseball ...
Baseball
Every Player Begins Hitting Home Runs After Copying Albert Pujols’ Stance, Swing
NEW YORK—All 750 Major League Baseball players reported extreme increases in their number of hits, RBIs, and home runs Saturday after closely studying and ...
Every Baseball Game This Week Ends With Final Score Of 3-2
Every Baseball Game This Week Ends With Final Score Of 3-2
Brewers Punished For Using Retractable Dome To Crack Open Walnuts
Brewers Punished For Using Retractable Dome To Crack Open Walnuts
Exhausted Derek Jeter Sleeps 20 Hours Straight After 2-Home-Run Game
ARLINGTON, TX—Following his 4-for-6, two-home-run performance against the Rangers Sunday, 36-year-old Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter went back to the team hotel and slept for ...
Team Owners Object to MLB's New Run-Sharing Agreement
NEW YORK—Major League Baseball's latest effort to achieve competitive parity by having larger-market teams share their runs with small-market teams drew fire last ...
Slow-Working Pitcher Really Getting Inside Head Of Kid In Crowd Who Needs To Go To The Bathroom
DETROIT—Three hours and only six innings into the Tigers-Indians game last Sunday, Detroit starting pitcher Brad Penny's slow work on the mound was ...
Phillies Season-Ticket Holder Stuck With Goddamn Joe Blanton Game Again
PHILADELPHIA—Philadelphia Phillies fan Rick Kirkland was disappointed to learn Friday that his season-ticket package had once again dealt him a game started by the ...
Mariano Rivera Yelled At For Blowing Save
NEW YORK—Following Mariano Rivera's second consecutive blown save Sunday, coaches and executives led the11-time All Star and World Series MVP into an office ...
Dodgers Playing Extra Hard In Hopes Of Bringing Mom And Dad Back Together
LOS ANGELES—Dodgers players told reporters Friday they have been playing harder than usual the last few weeks in hopes of reuniting their parents—Frank ...
Saving The Dodgers
In an effort to get the Dodgers back on track, Major League Baseball has seized control of the mismanaged franchise from bankrupt owner Frank McCourt.
Ryan Howard Asks Teammates If They Ever Noticed How Realistic Crowd Looks
PHILADELPHIA—As 40,000 fans filed into Citizen's Bank Park Monday night, Phillies first basemen Ryan Howard took a moment from warmups to ask ...
Socially Awkward Player Afraid To Ask If He’s Invited To Walk-Off Celebration
LOS ANGELES—Following his teammate Matt Kemp's walk-off home run Tuesday night, Dodgers second baseman and self-proclaimed "loner" Juan Uribe told reporters he felt ...
David Ortiz Terrified After Hearing About Red Sox Bats Coming Alive
BOSTON—During last Sunday’s game against the Toronto Blue Jays, designated hitter David Ortiz was reportedly horrified by manager Terry Francona’s comment that ...
Albert Pujols Embarrasses Cardinals By Returning To Dugout With First Base Stuck On Bottom Of Shoe
ST. LOUIS—Cardinals players were reportedly mortified Monday when Albert Pujols embarrassed the entire team in front of 34,965 fans by trotting back to ...
Area Man Already Tired Of Adjusting His Fantasy Baseball Roster
SAN JOSE, CA—Two weeks into the 2011 Major League Baseball season, 27-year-old Fred Romero has already begun complaining about the amount of time it ...
Jeff Suppan Approaches Omaha Residents With Offer To Do Small Pitching Jobs Around House
OMAHA, NE—Local Omaha residents told reporters Monday that for the past week veteran pitcher Jeff Suppan has been going door-to-door, offering to do small ...
