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Bush Announces 8-Month Plan To Steal Favorite Desk Lamp

ISSUE 44•21 | 05.23.08 | News in Brief

WASHINGTON—With his term in office coming to an end in less than a year, President Bush announced Monday that he will spend the remainder of... more»
Jenna Bush Married

ISSUE 44•20 | 05.13.08 | American Voices

First daughter Jenna Bush was married to Henry Chase Hager on her father's ranch in Crawford, TX. What do you think? more»
Economic Stimulus Check Burned For Warmth

ISSUE 44•19 | 05.07.08 | News in Brief

HELENA, MT—Saying the extra bit of kindling material couldn't have come at a better time, 43-year-old school teacher Tim Donaldson received his... more»
Bush Followed Everywhere By Line Of Baby Ducks

ISSUE 43•01 ISSUE 41•11 | 03.16.05 | News in Photos
Bush Determined To Find Warehouse Where Ark Of Covenant Is Stored

ISSUE 41•08 | 02.23.05 | News in Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—In a surprise press conference Monday, President Bush said he will not rest until the warehouse where the Ark of the Covenant, the vessel holding the original Ten Commandments, is located. "Nazis stole the Ark in 1936, but it was recovered by a single patriot, who braved gunfire, rolling boulders, and venomous snakes," Bush said, addressing the White House press corps. "Sadly, due to bureaucratic rigmarole, this powerful, historic relic was misplaced in a warehouse. Mark my words: We will find that warehouse." Bush added that, after they are strengthened by the power of the Ark, U.S. forces will seek out and destroy the sinister Temple of Doom. more»
Hero Soldier Receives Presidential Thumbs-Up Award

ISSUE 43•12 ISSUE 41•07 | 02.16.05 | News in Photos
Bush Defends Deny-Side Economics

ISSUE 41•06 | 02.09.05 | News in Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—Fielding questions from reporters at a Tuesday press conference, President Bush defended his adherence to the principles of deny-side economics. "Nope," the president said. "I keep hearing people say that the U.S. economy is troubled, but that isn't true. Our economy is strong. We just have to keep on doing what we're doing, and everything will work out." Leading economists say they are curious to see whether the president's optimism will trickle down into the public consciousness. more»
Columnist Crackdown

ISSUE 41•06 | 02.09.05 | Infographic

Columnists Armstrong Williams, Maggie Gallagher, and Michael McManus are under fire for accepting payment for promoting Bush administration policies. Who else has received public money, and for what? more»
Despite Republican Victory, Bush Supporter Has Tiny, Tiny Penis

11.03.04 | Newswire
Irrelevant Pop Stars Unite Against Bush

ISSUE 40•40 | 10.06.04 | News

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to motivate Americans to go to the polls on Nov. 2, a coalition of irrelevant pop stars is winding up a 36-city tour that will culminate in a concert on Oct. 11 in Washington, D.C. more»
The Bush Family Biography

ISSUE 43•01 ISSUE 40•38 | 09.22.04 | Infographic

The Family: The Real Story Of The Bush Dynasty, Kitty Kelley's tell-all biography of the Bush family, hit shelves last week. What did the book reveal? more»
Bush To Lovely Chilean Ambassador:'I Must Paint You'

ISSUE 39•17 | 05.07.03 | News in Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—After spotting Chilean Ambassador to the U.S. Natalia Verdugo at a D.C.-area café Tuesday, a smitten President Bush promptly invited the bewitching diplomat to his artist's garret in the East Wing of the White House. "I must paint you," Bush reportedly told Verdugo. "I simply must commit your beauty to the canvas immediately. Please, come away with me to my studio, where the early-evening light from my western window shall caress your undraped form." Though she eventually agreed to pose for the president, Verdugo drew the line at "an afternoon of fiery passion" among his charcoal sketches. more»