$81.55 (-$1.45) (-1.75%) Investors are nervous after another six months have gone by without a single Pepsi being sold.

One Of Letters In Company Logo Extends Out, Becomes Arrow

BROOKLYN, NY—Running his hands through his freshly showered hair while hanging his backpack on the back of his chair, unbearably chipper little motherfucker Dave ...

NEW YORK—With the launch Tuesday of a massive nationwide ad campaign, athletic footwear manufacturer Adidas has officially unveiled the Adidas Bystander, the first shoe ...

WHITEHALL, NY—Claiming that the dilapidated, sun-bleached recreational facility had been on its last legs for years, local residents told reporters Monday that this has ...

$12.48 (-$0.17) (-1.34%) According to analysts, Kirk Co. can capture substantial market share if the company could ever fully distinguish itself from ...

WASHINGTON—According to a new report released Tuesday by the Federal Aviation Administration, Spirit Airlines, the American low-cost air carrier, is the absolute fucking worst ...

PURCHASE, NY—Following the saboteur antics of a prankster focus group that reportedly convinced company officials the drink was not only palatable but delicious, PepsiCo ...

Following the saboteur antics of a prankster focus group that reportedly convinced company officials the drink was not only palatable but delicious, PepsiCo announced Thursday ...

NEW YORK—According to a report released this week by Forbes magazine, every person who has regularly watched CNBC’s financial program Mad Money since ...

$37.71 (+$1.80) (+5.01%) Share prices jumped on the announcement that Lit'l Smokies will be the official smoked cocktail sausages of fun ...

GOLDEN, CO—Visibly beaming with pride, Boston Market CEO George Michel told reporters Thursday that the food at his restaurant chain “has rarely, if ever ...

$42.98 (+$0.83) (+1.97%) Investors responded positively to the company’s efforts to boost its line of healthy offerings by introducing new lines ...

Bangladesh Garment Factory Hiring

NEW YORK—Mere weeks after Vitaminwater launched its wildly popular “Make Boring Brilliant” ad campaign, Americans everywhere are reportedly at a loss to explain the ...

$42.51 (+$1.36) (+3.30%) Attendees of the oil company’s annual shareholder meeting applauded after CEO Bob Dudley announced he doesn’t give ...

Toyota Executives Finally Fire Fucker Who Decided To Name Car ‘Yaris’

PALO ALTO, CA—Eighteen months after the death of his mentor, Apple CEO Tim Cook was seen Wednesday pounding the tombstone of company founder Steve ...

WASHINGTON—Leaders in the corrugated-cardboard lobby published their annual report card for U.S.