BOSTON–Responding to debate opponent Al Gore's promise to pay off the national debt in 12 years by devoting $2 of projected surpluses toward ...

WASHINGTON, DC–With his lead in presidential polls narrowing to just four points over Republican challenger George W. Bush, an already anxious Al Gore wondered ...

WASHINGTON, DC—President Clinton announced that the Bad Times are over, and we all shall live happily forever and ever.

WASHINGTON, DC–President Clinton is still 10 months away from leaving the White House, but Al Gore is already regretting his promise to help him ...

WASHINGTON, DC–Taking steps to combat the nation's hunger problem, the federal government introduced six hearty new "Sizzlin' Skillet" breakfasts Monday.

ONEONTA, NY–Ending weeks of speculation, Hillary Clinton's campaign manager confirmed Monday that the Democratic candidate is dropping her last name from the New ...

BETHESDA, MD–In a groundbreaking six-hour operation Monday, doctors at Bethesda Naval Hospital successfully restored President Clinton's eyesight. "The first thing Clinton saw when ...

WASHINGTON, DC–President Clinton announced Monday that he has invited his tow-headed 8-year-old cousin Oliver to live with him at the White House during the ...

WASHINGTON, DC—After refusing comment on the matter for days, President Clinton finally admitted Monday that he blew his most recent paycheck, failing to deposit ...

WASHINGTON, DC–In a surprise reversal, President Clinton announced Monday that Badtz-Maru is "probably" his favorite Sanrio character. "Badtz-Maru is a very mischievous little penguin ...

WASHINGTON, DC—In what White House sources are calling "a show of support and admiration for one of our nation's most talented and dynamic ...

WASHINGTON, DC—A confused President Clinton tearfully announced Monday that he was molested by his uncle Carl.

WASHINGTON, DC—The two men greeted each other, exchanged polite small talk, and waved cordially to the press.

WASHINGTON, DC—At a White House press conference Monday, President Clinton expressed "great disappointment" in Missouri after the state ranked 49th in a recent U ...

WASHINGTON, DC—Forced to take desperate measures in a last-minute attempt to avert disaster and save the free world, President Clinton ordered top military scientists ...

WASHINGTON, DC—Hours after seeing himself at the funeral of King Gustaf III of Denmark on ABC World News Tonight, an excited Al Gore called ...

WASHINGTON, DC—Angered by criticism of his military strategy in Kosovo, President Clinton flung clods of his own excrement at White House reporters Monday. "I ...

WASHINGTON, DC—The Clinton-Lewinsky scandal safely behind them, members of Congress are finally clear to resume their unfettered whoring, Beltway sources reported Monday. "Thank goodness ...

WASHINGTON, DC—Citing "America's unprecedented prosperity and stability" and "this one part where this ship is underwater and this sea-monster thing tries to eat ...

WASHINGTON, DC—At a moving Rose Garden ceremony Monday, President Clinton poured a 40-ounce bottle of King Cobra malt liquor on the ground in honor ...