Constitution | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

- A.V. Club
- Store
- Dating
- Contests

In The News
- Biden Jumping Motorcycle
- Blowjob Queen
- Kennedy Death List
- Cowering Animals
- Last Updated 12:21 PM

constitution

Third Amendment Rights Group Celebrates Another Successful Year

ISSUE 46•26 ISSUE 43•40 | 10.05.07 | News

WASHINGTON, DC —Thanks to the group's tireless efforts, six generations of civilians have never known the cruelty and duress of quartering unruly foot-soldiers. more»
Shadow Government Attracts Shadow Protesters

ISSUE 42•19 | 05.13.06 | Radio News
Activist Judge Cancels Christmas

ISSUE 41•50 | 12.14.05 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—Liberal Judge Stephen Reinhardt ruled that the celebration of Christmas, and any directly related good cheer, is unconstitutional. more»
Patriot Act Renewed

ISSUE 41•49 | 12.13.05 | American Voices

The House and Senate have reached a deal to re-authorize the Patriot Act. What do you think? more»
December 6, 1933

ISSUE 41•49 | 12.07.05 | History

18th Amendment Repealed; Could Alcohol Cure Nation's Depression? more»
Iraqi Constitution Ratified, Burned

ISSUE 47•52 ISSUE 41•44 | 11.02.05 | News

BAGHDAD—The people of Iraq celebrated the passage of their new constitution Monday, in a formal ceremony that included a stirring speech by Iraqi President Jalal Talabani, a series of explosions that left 77 dead, and a traditional dance performed by Iraqi schoolchildren. After many weeks of squabbling and protracted negotiations between Kurds, Sunnis, and Shiites, the historic document was declared the law of the land and destroyed... more»
Congress Abandons WikiConstitution

ISSUE 41•39 | 09.28.05 | News in Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—Congress scrapped the open-source, open-edit, online version of the Constitution Monday, only two months after it went live.... more»
Iraqi Constitution

ISSUE 43•12 ISSUE 41•36 | 09.07.05 | Infographic

Iraq unveiled the final draft of its constitution last week. What are some of the provisions? more»
Historians Discover Children's Menu On Back Of U.S. Constitution

ISSUE 46•26 ISSUE 40•35 | 09.01.04 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—The other side of Article I provides dining options for children under the age of 7. more»
Special 'Framers' Cut' Of Constitution To Feature Five Deleted Amendments

ISSUE 37•04 | 02.07.01 | News in Brief

WASHINGTON, DC–The National Archives and Records Administration announced plans Monday to release a special "framers' cut" of the Constitution featuring five bonus amendments deleted from the original. According to NARA head John Carlin, the new document includes "more than the 35 lines of never-before-seen provisions sure to thrill history buffs." Among the goodies: an early draft of the Fifth Amendment protecting citizens from being put in quintuple jeopardy and a rare, unnumbered Amendment granting each member of Congress the right to "one concubine of his choosing per term served." The expanded version will also include "framers' commentary" by Alexander Hamilton and James Madison written in the margins, as well as a "Making Of The Constitution" document after the list of framers' signatures. more»
8-Year-Old Accidentally Exercises Second Amendment Rights

ISSUE 46•26 ISSUE 35•20 | 05.26.99 | News

NORFOLK, VA—Gun owners nationwide are applauding the patriotic, though accidental, exercise of Second Amendment rights by 8-year-old Timothy Cummings Tuesday. more»