Cooking
Nation Instinctively Forms Breadline
NEW YORK— "What's happening here?" said a California resident after seeing a group of bankers leaning against a broken-down jalopy, their feet muddied and ...
FDA Prepares Nation For Switch To Digital Food Format
WASHINGTON—Urging the estimated 60 million Americans who have not yet made the transition to the more advanced form of sustenance to do so...
Twenty Minutes Spent Making Tuna Fish Palatable
PERRY, NY—Local resident Gary Ingram, 28, spent more than a quarter of an hour transforming a wet, grayish pile of canned tuna fish into...
Area Man Holding Out Until Next Exit For Better Fast Food Options
ERIE, PA—"I think I want Wendy's," Don Turnbee told reporters. "There hasn't been a Wendy's in a while so there will ...
USDA Official Takes Courageous Stand Against Interstate Countercyclical Potato Pricing
A deputy assistant at the Department of Agriculture speaks truth to power, condemning proposed changes in Idaho's potato output pricing structure.
Area Man Committed To Being Spicy Food Guy
NEWTON, KS—Auto salesman Royce Flankingston—known to frequently question waitstaff as to whether or not food is "actually" spicy,...
Area Grandmother Tries Indian Food
BLOOMINGTON, MN—Witnesses report Eileen Rutherford, 78, was overwhelmed by the unusual aromas but appeared delighted when a recognizable pea rolled out of her samosa.
Burger King's Royal Taster Found Dead
ROYAL FOOD COURT OF THE BURGER KING—Gabriello di Mangiagrasso, the King of Burger's royal food taster since 1986, was found dead in his ...
Study Finds Link Between Being Struck By Cream Pie, Diminished Social Standing
ITHACA, NY—By having cream-topped pies administered to their faces, men and women of high regard were seen to immediately drop in both status and ...
Very Specific Food Pyramid Recommends Two To Three Shrimp Scampis Per Year
WASHINGTON—The U.S. Department of Agriculture
unveiled an updated, extremely detailed food pyramid Monday, which may redefine
the way...
Report: Double Stuf Oreos Could Raise Tolerance To Stuf
EAST HANOVER, NJ—A new report released by the Food and Drug Administration Monday suggests that regular consumption of Oreo's Double Stuf...
FDA Approves Seconds
WASHINGTON, DC—Once restricted to only those who had been extra good, seconds will now be made available to the general public in over-the-kitchen-counter form.
Health Department Closes Perfectly Good Burrito Place
COLUMBUS, OH —While the city's report criticized employees for refusing to wear hairnets and shirts, it failed to point out that Burrito Max served ...
Heavily Processed Food Makes Pathetic Nutritional Claims
59535CHATTANOOGA, TN—In a move that industry observers are already calling desperate, McKee Foods today unveiled new packaging for Little...
Potato-Chip Connoisseur Detects Notes Of Sour Cream, Onion
ST. CHARLES, MO—"A fine chip can be worth years of waiting," said Nathan Sterken, whose refined palate allows him to appreciate flavors like "flamin ...
Man Psyches Self Out During Selection Of Ice-Cream Flavor
TALLAHASSEE, FL—Tallahassee resident Hannibal Grant found himself "paralyzed" by the sheer immensity of ice-cream options available to him...
