Finance Expert Saves Struggling Zoo By Firing All Employees, Getting Rid of Cages
On Today NOW!, the savvy businessman who turned a zoo on the verge of bankruptcy into a money-making machine shares management tips with Jim and ...
Cooperation
Mom Hasn't Ordered Favorite Pizza Topping In Over A Decade
'It's Spinach, They Won't Let Me,' Mom Says
WEXFORD, PA—Saying that “it’s fine, really,” local mother Catherine Reynolds told reporters Wednesday that she has not been able to order her favorite ...
Kobe Bryant Compiles Helpful List Of 435 Aspects Of Game Antawn Jamison Needs To Improve
OAKLAND—In an effort to provide guidance to a teammate, Lakers shooting guard Kobe Bryant reportedly created a helpful 435-item list Monday, detailing aspects of ...
Supreme Court On Gay Marriage: 'Sure, Who Cares'
WASHINGTON—Ten minutes into oral arguments over whether or not homosexuals should be allowed to marry one another, a visibly confounded Supreme Court stopped legal ...
Divorced Father Buys String Cheese To Make Coming To His Place Fun
STOCKTON, CA—In an effort to make his children’s upcoming weekend visit to his apartment more fun, divorced man and father of two Peter ...
Amazing Dance Prodigy Hopes New Ballet Will Inspire Her Dad To Notice Her For Once
Jim and Tracy meet the incredible ballet prodigy who choreographed an entire desperate plea for her father's attention all on her own.
Coworkers Brought To Place Of Unthinkable Intimacy By Team-Building Exercise
SCHAUMBURG, IL—Visibly emotional employees at Casper-Neville Communications confirmed Monday that a 30-minute team-building exercise organized by the company’s management had instilled within them ...
Dell Acquired By Gateway 2000 In Merger Of 2 Biggest Names In Computer Technology
Tech Juggernaut Poised To Take On Mega-Rival Compaq
ROUND ROCK, TX—The tech world reeled Tuesday on reports that personal computer powerhouse Dell had been acquired by competitor Gateway 2000 in a $24 ...
Cool New Lakers Coach Doesn't Make Team Play Defense
LOS ANGELES—The mood in the Los Angeles Lakers’ locker room was upbeat this morning as players were reportedly enthusiastic about new head coach Mike ...
Parents Don't Remember Enough Colors To Help With Kindergartner's Homework
BEDFORD, NY—Parents of 5-year-old Haylee Risser reportedly sat around their dinner table stumped Monday night, unable to recall enough colors to help their daughter ...
Supreme Court Justices Drowsily Bid One Another Good Night While Drifting Off To Sleep In Giant Shared Bed
WASHINGTON—As night settled over the nation’s capital Wednesday and a bright, full moon hung amid the twinkling stars and cast long shadows over ...
Washed-Up Air Bud Signs With Greek Pro Team
RHODES, GREECE—Ignoring critics’ calls for the aging golden retriever's retirement, basketball standout and multisport athlete Air "Bud" Buddy has signed a one-year contract ...
All Of Area Man's Hard Work Finally Pays Off For Employer
SAN DIEGO—Following seven straight years of long hours at the office and sacrificed weekends and holidays, all of account manager Sam Hemstead's hard ...
Nation Finally Breaks Down And Begs Its Smart People To Just Fix Everything
WASHINGTON—Overwhelmed by the frustration of being utterly unable to solve any of the numerous difficult problems it faces, a worn-out nation finally broke down ...
Royals Hire Tom Emanski To Teach Them Fundamentals Of Baseball
KANSAS CITY—With their offense floundering, their pitching the league's worst, and their footwork on double-play balls atrocious, the Royals (12-37) announced Sunday that ...
