America's legal system protects our civil liberties, dispenses justice, settles disputes, and provides high paying jobs to thousands of humanities majors who didn't ...

Explore area crimes reported by the Onion's law enforcement beat.

WILMINGTON, DE—The nation looked on in reverence Friday as 20,000 citizens were decapitated, dismembered, and burned alive in the name of Corporate America ...

LOUISVILLE, KY—According to sources at the corporate headquarters of fast food giant KFC, a young boy believed to be the third reincarnation of the ...

CHARLOTTE, NC—Sources confirmed that the wow factor—an intangible set of viscerally pleasing features that instill onlookers with a feeling of exhilaration and intense ...

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COLUMBUS, GA—Promising a "bold new choice" in refreshment, RC Cola President John Sunderland criticized the overuse of corporate soft-drink money.

SAN DIEGO—Garrett Maddox has worked his way up the corporate ladder, one handshake at a time.

AUSTIN, TX—After 18 years of striving, Dell Computer finally reached its long-stated goal to be the worldwide leader in computing systems Monday and promptly ...

PHILADELPHIA—People like Frank Pistone are part of a dying breed whose way of life is being endangered by the likes of American Express.

INDIANAPOLIS—Responding swiftly to a 60 Minutes piece exposing its longtime use of child labor in Malaysian sweatshops, Fortune 500 consumer-goods manufacturer United Home Products ...

DE KALB, IL—Wayne Dietz, 31, can’t wait for the rematch against his company’s hated rival, Speedy Printers.

Today is a typical day for 51-year-old J. Gordon Grantham III, as he drives his luxury-model Cadillac to a favorite restaurant to meet with potential ...

SPRINGFIELD, IL—A local teenager was in stable condition Monday after nearly being crushed to death by the 263 corporate logos he recklessly wore at ...