Couples

Trojan Introduces ‘No One’s Pleasure’ Condoms For Bitter, Resentful Couples

ISSUE 46•30 | 07.26.10 | News

PRINCETON, NJ—Contraceptive manufacturer Trojan unveiled its new line of “No One’s Pleasure” condoms Wednesday, the first prophylactic specifically designed to intensify sexual dissatisfaction among bitter and resentful couples. more»
Married Paramedics Bickering Over Best Way To Restart Heart

07.05.10 | Newswire
Sierra Leone Diamond Miner Devastated By News Of Broken-Off Engagement

ISSUE 46•27 ISSUE 46•08 | 02.27.10 | News

KENEMA, SIERRA LEONE—"They had so much in common," said local diamond miner Muwomba D'akari before momentarily blacking out from extreme exhaustion. D'akari said he hasn't been this upset since his entire family was killed during Sierra Leone’s decade-long civil war. more»
Report: Baby Skull Jewelry May Be Linked To Violence

ISSUE 46•07 | 02.18.10 | In The Know

Panelists debate the validity of a new report which claims many decorative baby skulls are obtained by unlawful, inhumane means. more»
20,000 Tons Of Pubic Hair Trimmed In Preparation For Valentine's Day

ISSUE 46•06 | 02.11.10 | News

WASHINGTON—"It's going to be so romantic!" said Brooklyn resident Lydia Simonson, who along with hundreds of thousands of citizens will soon excuse herself from her daily duties, and retreat into a nearby bathroom to carefully tend to the area around her vulva. more»
How Are We Surprising Our Partner?

ISSUE 46•06 | 02.10.10 | Statshot
There Should Be No Secrets In Our Relationship Excluding The Events Of March 2, 2004

ISSUE 46•06 | 02.09.10 | Commentary

We've been together quite a while now, and I truly believe that if our relationship is going to last—if we're really going to commit to a... more»
Crime Reporter: Man Had Sex With Wife Thousands Of Times Before Killing Her

ISSUE 46•04 | 01.25.10 | Newsroom

In this episode of 'Raw Justice,' a depraved sex fiend violated his wife's body almost weekly for ten years before finally murdering her. more»
Woman Married To Fat, Emotionally Distant Vampire Escapes Into 'Twilight' Novels

ISSUE 46•02 | 01.11.10 | News

NEW ORLEANS—"When we were first married, my husband was so dark and mysterious," Sara Pastor said wistfully. "These days though, all he does is pretty much just sit around all night swilling blood and watching the game on ESPN." Added Pastor, "Edward would never do that to Bella." more»
Where Are We Going For Our Anniversary?

ISSUE 45•49 | 12.02.09 | Statshot
Where Are We Meeting Singles?

ISSUE 45•43 | 10.21.09 | Statshot
My Mistress Makes The Best Potato Salad

ISSUE 45•41 | 10.08.09 | Commentary

There's nothing I enjoy more than the creamy, tangy taste of a homemade potato salad. "Heaven in a Bowl," I like to call it. I've been a fool for... more»
Husband Still Faithful After 42 Years Of Trying To Cheat

ISSUE 46•27 ISSUE 45•40 | 10.03.09 | News

SARASOTA, FL—"I could never be unfaithful to Helen," said the 63-year-old Arnold Schneider, who over the past four decades has unsuccessfully attempted extramarital relations with dozens of friends, acquaintances, work colleagues, and random strangers. more»
Relationship Not A Power Struggle, Woman Who's Winning Reports

ISSUE 45•40 | 10.01.09 | News in Brief

ST. CLOUD, MN—Local resident Paula Sizemore, 29, who has consistently dominated her 28-year-old boyfriend Sam Leach during the entirety of... more»
Jealous GPS Clearly Wants Man To Back Over Wife

ISSUE 45•39 | 09.26.09 | News in Photos
Couple Sneaks Away From Party For A Little Arguing

ISSUE 45•39 | 09.24.09 | News in Brief

PHILADELPHIA—After consuming numerous alcoholic beverages and repeatedly locking eyes throughout the night, area couple Tracy Williams and... more»
The Divorce Was Unfortunate, But I'm Glad We Handled It Like Total Animals

ISSUE 45•32 | 08.04.09 | Commentary

I can't believe it's really over. Twenty-three years of marriage, done. Signed away with a couple of forms. We used to be so in love. What ever... more»
Area Couple Not Sure If Sex Was Tantric

ISSUE 45•31 | 07.29.09 | News in Brief

SCARSDALE, NY—Following two hours of stilted, uncomfortable intercourse in which the couple started and stopped at various times, Jeff and... more»
New Boyfriend Charming Pants Off Baskin-Robbins Staff

ISSUE 45•29 | 07.17.09 | News in Brief

OAKWOOD, GA—After claiming he's so full from lunch he couldn't possibly eat more than a couple of sprinkles, Kevin Warner, who is on his... more»
Girlfriend Loves Spending 'Alone Time' With You

ISSUE 45•28 | 07.10.09 | News in Brief

SAGINAW, MI—According to your girlfriend, your request for some "alone time" this afternoon sounds fantastic, and she'd love nothing more... more»
Jilted Hasbro CEO Laughs Coldly As Scrabble Destroys Another Relationship

ISSUE 45•28 | 07.07.09 | News

PAWTUCKET, RI—"All fools must one day learn, that we will all be a few letters short of spelling H-A-P-P-I-N-E-S-S," said the embittered CEO. more»
God Help Him, But Area Man Loves That Crazy Bitch

ISSUE 44•47 | 11.22.08 | News

RENO, NV—"Maybe it's the way she wrote 'limp dick' on my work shirts, or that she cries every time I eat veal, but that fucking lunatic is the one," said Craig Shearer more»
Woman Always Really Excited To Be In Whatever Relationship Status She's Currently In

ISSUE 44•37 | 09.13.08 | News

KINGSPORT, TN—"I'm so happy now!" said Ann Castlen, who uttered the same words after her ex first said 'I love you' and when they briefly split to see other people. more»
Christian Couple Staying Together For Sake Of God

ISSUE 44•37 | 09.09.08 | News in Brief

SANDUSKY, OH—Despite intense unhappiness and an ever-widening emotional rift between them, devout Christian couple Linda and Benjamin... more»
Powerful 'His And Hers' Towel Lobby Stalls Gay Marriage Legislation

ISSUE 46•27 ISSUE 44•34 | 08.19.08 | News in Brief

WASHINGTON—Gay rights activists protested the defeat of bill S. 743 Monday, saying that the proposed legislation giving homosexuals the... more»
Upcoming Date Only Thing Between Area Man, Utter Self-Neglect

ISSUE 44•31 | 08.02.08 | News

MORGANTON, NC—"This girl better be hot," said Glick, who otherwise would be stubbing out his cigarette on his bedpost instead of walking four steps to the ashtray. more»
My Morbidly Obese Wife Said The Most Interesting Thing The Other Day

ISSUE 46•27 ISSUE 44•31 | 07.30.08 | Commentary

After 23 years of marriage, you'd think there would be nothing in the world my morbidly obese wife could do to surprise me anymore. You'd say,... more»
Ex-Girlfriend Don't Want To Speak To You No More, New European Boyfriend Reports

ISSUE 44•25 | 06.21.08 | News

LANCASTER, PA—The probable Mediterranean sex god who relayed the message rolled his R's in a manner that suggested he could outperform you sexually. more»
Kraft Introduces New Kraft Doubles For Couples

ISSUE 44•03 | 01.18.08 | News

NORTHFIELD,IL—Kraft officials claim that this is the first adjoined-cheese product that's both practical and sexy. more»
CIA: America May Have An Unknown Number Of Secret Admirers

ISSUE 46•26 ISSUE 43•48 | 11.28.07 | News

WASHINGTON—"There are people out there who love us, and they're coming after us," said a blushing John Michael McConnell, director of national intelligence. more»

couples

Trojan Introduces ‘No One’s Pleasure’ Condoms For Bitter, Resentful Couples

Married Paramedics Bickering Over Best Way To Restart Heart

Sierra Leone Diamond Miner Devastated By News Of Broken-Off Engagement

Report: Baby Skull Jewelry May Be Linked To Violence

20,000 Tons Of Pubic Hair Trimmed In Preparation For Valentine's Day

How Are We Surprising Our Partner?

There Should Be No Secrets In Our Relationship Excluding The Events Of March 2, 2004

Crime Reporter: Man Had Sex With Wife Thousands Of Times Before Killing Her

Woman Married To Fat, Emotionally Distant Vampire Escapes Into 'Twilight' Novels

Where Are We Going For Our Anniversary?

Where Are We Meeting Singles?

My Mistress Makes The Best Potato Salad

Husband Still Faithful After 42 Years Of Trying To Cheat

Relationship Not A Power Struggle, Woman Who's Winning Reports

Jealous GPS Clearly Wants Man To Back Over Wife

Couple Sneaks Away From Party For A Little Arguing

The Divorce Was Unfortunate, But I'm Glad We Handled It Like Total Animals

Area Couple Not Sure If Sex Was Tantric

New Boyfriend Charming Pants Off Baskin-Robbins Staff

Girlfriend Loves Spending 'Alone Time' With You

Jilted Hasbro CEO Laughs Coldly As Scrabble Destroys Another Relationship

God Help Him, But Area Man Loves That Crazy Bitch

Woman Always Really Excited To Be In Whatever Relationship Status She's Currently In

Christian Couple Staying Together For Sake Of God

Powerful 'His And Hers' Towel Lobby Stalls Gay Marriage Legislation

Upcoming Date Only Thing Between Area Man, Utter Self-Neglect

My Morbidly Obese Wife Said The Most Interesting Thing The Other Day

Ex-Girlfriend Don't Want To Speak To You No More, New European Boyfriend Reports

Kraft Introduces New Kraft Doubles For Couples

CIA: America May Have An Unknown Number Of Secret Admirers

American Voices »

U.S. Cuts Aid To Pakistan