Woman In Burqa Condemns Woman In Chador
GHAZNI, AFGHANISTAN—Outraged by the recent loosening of dress codes in her country, burqa wearer Uliya Salah condemned fellow Afghani Raheela Asaad Monday for appearing ...
Culture
Just Shoot Me Writer Assumes Everyone He Meets Watches Just Shoot Me
LOS ANGELES—Andy Kaminowitz, 31, a staff writer for the popular Thursday-night NBC sitcom Just Shoot Me, operates under the assumption that everyone he meets ...
Report: Gen X Irony, Cynicism May Be Permanently Obsolete
AUSTIN, TX—According to Generation X sources, the recent attack on America may have rendered cynicism and irony permanently obsolete. "Remember the day after the ...
American Life Turns Into Bad Jerry Bruckheimer Movie
NEW YORK—In the two weeks since terrorists crashed hijacked planes into the World Trade Center and Pentagon, American life has come to resemble a ...
80 Percent of U.S. Populace Now Selling Handmade Jewelry
WASHINGTON, DC—According to a Department Of Labor report released Monday, four out of five Americans derive at least a portion of their income from ...
Plan To Get Laid At DragonCon 2001 Fails
CALHOUN FALLS, SC—Garry Melcher's plans to have sexual intercourse at last weekend's DragonCon 2001 were unsuccessful, the 27-year-old comic-book collector and science-fiction ...
Fast-Food Purchase Seething With Unspoken Class Conflict
HUNTINGTON BEACH, CA—Resentment, anger, and pity were the emotions mutually felt by Burger King employee Duane Hesketh and customer Robert Lalley.
Hair Weave Shaved Off
JACKSONVILLE, NC–Choosing the popular "bald look" over a full, rich head of hair, Jacksonville resident Michael Elroy shaved off his $875 hair weave Tuesday ...
Nobel Fever Grips Research Community As Prize Swells To $190 Million
STOCKHOLM—The unclaimed Nobel Prize for medicine will allow one lucky scientist to never have to do another research project again.
Mediocre Painter's True Talent Lies In Acting Like A Painter
LOS ANGELES–According to art critics, mediocre painter James Augustiniak has proven masterful at cultivating the self-centered, womanizing demeanor of an art-world enfant terrible. "Augustiniak ...
Area Woman Can't Understand Concept of Suggested Donation
NEW YORK–During a Tuesday visit to the American Museum of Natural History, Omaha resident Mary Stefano, 49, struggled to understand the concept of suggested ...
Site Of Fatal Auto Accident Tritely Commemorated
MOUND CITY, KS–A ribbon of blacktop called Highway 52 runs through the heart of this tiny eastern Kansas town. Not much distinguishes this road ...
Lowest Common Denominator Continues To Plummet
WASHINGTON, DC–The lowest common denominator (LCD), the leading cultural indicator for American mass-market tastes, continued its precipitous drop last week, fueling worries about the ...
Antarctic Observational Comic Running Out Of Ideas
BYRD, ANTARCTICA–Brad Swithers, three-time winner of the Molson Ice/Edge Gel South Pole Laff-Off, said Monday that he is running out of ideas for ...
