Culture
Bush Regales Dinner Guests With Impromptu Oratory On Virgil's Minor Works
WASHINGTON, DC–President Bush delighted an intimate gathering of White House dinner guests Monday, regaling the coterie of dignitaries, artists, and friends with a spirited ...
Role Of Tree Ineptly Played By Second-Grader
POPLAR BLUFF, MO–Critics savaged Monday's underwhelming stage debut of second-grader Kimberly Bauer, who "fumbled and stumbled her way" through the role of the ...
15,000 Years Of Human Artistic Endeavor Culminate In See Spot Run
HOLLYWOOD, CA–More than 15 millennia of human artistic endeavor, stretching back to the Lascaux cave paintings of the Magdalenian Age, have culminated in See ...
Attempts Made To Enjoy Sake
ST. PAUL, MN–Determined to gain an appreciation for the fermented Japanese rice drink, Chris Gibson and girlfriend Valerie Estes made a fourth attempt to ...
Action Figures Set Cubicle Apart
FAIRFIELD, OH—Ron Pelinka's vast array of dolls and action figures distinguish him from the other drones of the working class.
Report: Mankind's Knowledge Of TV Trivia Doubling Every Three Years
NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ–According to a report released Monday by Rutgers University's Center For Media Studies, mankind's collective knowledge of TV trivia is ...
Finest Opera Singer Of Her Generation Unknown By Her Generation
NEW YORK–Alessandra Coletti, the 22-year-old mezzo-soprano sensation, has stunned opera-loving octogenarians around the globe with her astonishing range, power, and upper-register control. Touted as ...
Man Reading Pynchon On Bus Takes Pains To Make Cover Visible
PHILADELPHIA–According to riders on the eastbound C bus, John Bolen, 23, made a conscious effort Monday to make the cover of Thomas Pynchon's ...
Unkempt Japanese Man Must Be Some Sort Of Artist Or Something
PITTSBURGH– After passing a haggard-looking Japanese man on the street Monday, area resident Gary Webber concluded that the guy must be some sort of artist ...
Aging Gen-Xer Doesn't Find Bad Movies Funny Anymore
HOBOKEN, NJ—Dave Erdman, 34, no longer finds bad movies and other forms of mass-media trash culture humorous.
Indian Teen Caught Playing Air Sitar
HYDERABAD, INDIA– Rajesh Gopalakrishnan, 15, was deeply embarrassed Monday when his sister and her friend barged in on him as he played air sitar in ...
First Draft Of Paper Inadvertently Becomes Final Draft
EUGENE, OR–The first draft of an English 140 paper by University of Oregon sophomore Mindy Blain ultimately became the final draft, Blain reported Monday ...
Gore Wondering If Latest Doonesbury Is About Him
WASHINGTON, DC–With his lead in presidential polls narrowing to just four points over Republican challenger George W. Bush, an already anxious Al Gore wondered ...
Leather-Jacketed Congressman Makes Up His Own Rules
WASHINGTON, DC–U.S. Rep. Vinnie Abruzzo (I-NY), the greasy-haired, leather-jacketed legislator who joined Congress in January 1999, is fast earning a reputation as a ...
Some Genius Juxtaposing Religious Iconography And Bodily Waste Yet Again
SAN FRANCISCO—The ultimate taboo was broken for the 856th time Monday, when the controversial art exhibit "Doo-Doo Messiah" opened at the San Francisco Museum ...
Guy At Next Table Won't Shut Up About The Capitol Steps
LANDOVER, MD—According to Gino's Restaurant patrons Barry and Paula Kallen, a guy at the next table will not shut up about the Washington ...
Elegant Funeral Ruined By Presence Of Hideous Corpse
CHICOPEE, MA—An elegant, tasteful funeral, meticulously arranged by an experienced funeral director and attended by more than 200 impeccably dressed guests from across the ...
