LAS CRUCES, NM—Comprehension of a joke involving Jeffrey Dahmer and Lorena Bobbitt was unsuccessfully feigned Monday, when area resident George Browner, 31, laughed along ...

MN—Refusing to let the dying theater space suffer any longer, compassionate Duluth civic leaders signed legislation Monday euthanizing the Crescent Street Playhouse, which had ...

WASHINGTON, DC—Seeking to ensure the continued distraction and contentedness of the American people during a time of unprecedented prosperity, Congress allocated $4 billion for ...

It's a fine day in Activeville! Everyone is hustling and bustling around, looking as if they have things to do! But you know what ...

LOS ANGELES—Revenue projections for Woodstock '99 were recently displayed on laminated, multi-colored boards somewhere in L.A., it can safely be assumed. "Success of ...

LIBBY, MT—Ken Hausch, a Libby-area Luddite separatist and conspiracy theorist, announced Monday that his much-anticipated manifesto, My Lonely Battle Against The Mind-Control Slavery Of ...

CHAPEL HILL, NC—Granta, the award-winning quarterly literary magazine that features the finest in fiction, non-fiction, memoirs, interviews, essays and reportage, was derided Monday by ...

MARIETTA, GA—Three Baby Boomers are still missing following Friday's collapse of a massive Jenga tower in this Atlanta suburb. "[Woodstock attendee] Iris [Kelcher ...

WASHINGTON, DC—State Department officials are "deeply concerned" by a just-released report that Vulgarian despot Baron Bomburst has acquired Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, the fantastical ...

LEWANAHO COUNTY, WI—Area resident Gary Pavlik's obsession with Lewanaho County history is becoming a bit sad, sources reported.

WASHINGTON, DC–National Public Radio officials are blaming "inadequate listener support" for the low ratings plaguing the two-month-old NPR Morning Zoo Crew Show. "For some ...

WASHINGTON, DC—At a press conference Monday, U.S. Secretary of Self-Help Edward Wiersma named best-selling author and noted empowerment expert Dr. Nancy Weeks, Ph ...

DIRECTIONS: Name the magazine in which these features appear:1. “Picks & Pans”2. “Humor In Uniform”3.