The Onion Will Be Euthanizing People For Free This Sunday
Summer is in full effect! And as the nation gears up for three months of beach excursions, poolside barbecues, and lazy afternoons, The Onion would ...
Death
Suicide Note Surprisingly Upbeat
MIDLAND, NM—The suicide note area man Doug Smithfield wrote before leaping to his death from a bridge last week was remarkably upbeat in tone ...
Marilyn Jacobs
Marilyn Jacobs, 73, died after a brief illness but a really long scream.
Kennedy Family Releases List Of Tragic Ways Remaining Members Could Die
HYANNIS PORT, MA—Following last week's tragic loss of yet another family member, the grieving Kennedys released a list of numerous heartbreaking ways the ...
Marilyn Helms, 91, knows you're looking at her age and thinking, "She lived long enough." Well, fuck you.
Marilyn Helms, 91, knows you're looking at her age and thinking, "She lived long enough." Well, fuck you.
Remembering Dick Clark
Dick Clark, the creator and longtime host of American Bandstand and Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve, died on Apr. 18 of a ...
After a series of failed suicide attempts, Maria Trotter, 28, was killed last night in a car accident. The other driver should know not to feel too terrible about the whole thing.
After a series of failed suicide attempts, Maria Trotter, 28, was killed last night in a car accident.
Evan DeRosa, 31, died from head injuries sustained during a bicycle accident. And get this, he was wearing a helmet, so suck on that helmet companies. Guy still died.
Evan DeRosa, 31, died from head injuries sustained during a bicycle accident. And get this, he was wearing a helmet, so suck on that helmet ...
Death Of Beloved Boxing Writer Bert Sugar Introduces Thousands To Beloved Boxing Writer Bert Sugar
MOUNT KISCO, NY—Bert Sugar, the prolific and colorful boxing writer whose smart-aleck yet genuine enthusiasm for boxing allowed him to straddle the line between ...
Black Sheep Of Earnhardt Family Dies In Public Transit Crash
SAN FRANCISCO—Dr. Terrance Earnhardt, youngest son of the late NASCAR legend Dale Earnhardt, died Friday when the light-rail Muni Metro train he was riding ...
