Jim Joyce Accidentally Deletes Book He's Writing With Armando Galarraga
NEW YORK—As umpire Jim Joyce and pitcher Armando Galarraga completed the writing of their book, Nobody's Perfect, Monday afternoon, Joyce accidentally highlighted the ...
Ecstasy Of Defeat
Peewee Football Player Retires To Spend More Time With His Mom And Dad
FERNDALE, MI—After a storied three-month career as the starting running back, the third-string safety, and, when Billy's grandfather died, the punter for peewee ...
ESPN Doesn't Have Heart To Tell John Clayton He Has Never Actually Appeared On Television
BRISTOL, CT—Though they first pointed a camera at the NFL writer more than 15 years ago as a prank, producers at ESPN still cannot ...
Derek Jeter Rejects Move To Outfield By Reminding Yankees That He's Derek Fucking Jeter
TAMPA, FL—During a post-workout press conference at the Yankees spring training facility Thursday, shortstop Derek Jeter once again rejected the idea of moving from ...
76ers Ask Knicks If They Want To Be In Rivalry With Them
PHILADELPHIA—Considering the teams share a division, come from major metropolitan areas in relative proximity to one another, and the fact that it would just ...
Rick Reilly Columns Increasingly Laden With Cries For Help
BRISTOL, CT—For the past six months, the columns and essays written by ESPN's Rick Reilly, including "Why Michael Vick Deserves Redemption More Than ...
Confused Milwaukee Bucks Have No Idea What To Do After Rebounding Basketball
NEW YORK—Shrugging their shoulders and looking helplessly at each other, baffled players on the 22-35 Milwaukee Bucks had no idea what to do with ...
Excited Virginia Fans Storm Court To Beat Shit Out Of Duke Basketball Team
CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—In a stunning and brutal display of support last Wednesday, frantic Virginia fans rushed the court at John Paul Jones Arena, swarmed the ...
Calgary Flames Trying To Keep Fact That They're A Hockey Team From Landlord
CALGARY—While the Flames stand at a modest 31-23-8 and are in 8th place in the Western Conference, team sources revealed this week that the ...
Trail Blazers Down To One Working Knee
PORTLAND, OR—According to sources close to the injury-plagued Portland Trail Blazers, after a series of knee injuries to center Marcus Camby and All-Star guard ...
Even Michael Vick A Little Uneasy About How Easily People Have Forgiven Him
HAMPTON, VIRGINIA—During a press conference Wednesday, Michael Vick admitted that he was both surprised and somewhat disturbed at how quickly and easily the NFL ...
Tim Duncan Urges All-Stars To Use Inside Voice During Game
LOS ANGELES—Saying he understands how excited everyone can get during an All-Star game, Spurs center Tim Duncan made it clear Saturday that since the ...
Contador Cleared Of Doping By International Cycling Federation's Doping-Clearing Board
MADRID—The ICF's Doping-Clearing Board has investigated and cleared 2010 Tour de France winner Alberto Contador of all doping charges, allowing the three-time Tour ...
Problems With The NFL's Collective Bargaining Agreement
The NFL is facing a possible lockout and the loss of next season if owners and the players' union can't work through these sticking ...
Super Bowl Security Breached As Regular Football Fan Finds Way Into Stadium
ARLINGTON, TX—Security officials admitted Monday that 25-year-old Michael Thillens, a normal Packers fan with no connection to any corporate sponsor or multimillion-dollar Dallas business ...
Puppy Bowl Marred By Tragic Spinal Injury
SILVER SPRING, MD—Puppy Bowl VII, puppy football's biggest annual event, came to a complete standstill Sunday when Alvin, a 3-month-old schnauzer mix, suffered ...
Super Bowl Still Hasn't Happened Yet
ARLINGTON, TX—Despite the overwhelming media hype, countless interviews with players and coaches, and considerable speculation about the big game since the conference champions earned ...
