Something Weird Going On In That Montessori School, Neighbor Reports
ALLEGHENY CITY, PA—Martin Kramarczyk wouldn’t be surprised if the FBI came down and busted the school for some kind of kinky, perverted stuff.
Elementary school
Attempt To Impress Becky Lundegaard Undermined By Interloper
HAMPTON, VA–An attempt by Brian Shuman, 12, to impress fellow seventh-grader Becky Lundegaard, 13, met with spectacular failure Monday, when his school supplies and ...
Local Airhead Wants To Work With Kids
KENANSVILLE, NC—According to 20-year-old ditz Tara Shore, children are important, because they're totally our future.
Nation's Schoolchildren Call For Cuts In Math, Science Funding
WASHINGTON, DC—Kimberly Neesin, 10, suggested that the education budget would be better spent on more field trips.
Everyone Doing It, Schoolyard Sources Allege
CHESAPEAKE, VA—According to top-level schoolyard sources, everyone is doing it. "Come on, we all do it," an older kid said Tuesday, speaking on condition ...
Educational Puppet Pelted With Crayons
EVERETT, WA—In an attack denounced by teachers as "uncalled-for," Donny Dungarees was struck down with a barrage of crayons.
Child So Stupid She Sees Letters Backwards
SAN LUIS OBISPO, CA—According to tests conducted by school psychologists and reading teachers, local third-grader Stephanie Franck is so mind-bogglingly stupid that she sees ...
Fifth-Period Gym Class Under Investigation For Failure To Hustle
PHOENIX—According to officials, students in Coach Peeler's gym class could be trying a lot harder.
