Food
Man At Salad Bar Has To Say Every Item Aloud As He Adds It To Salad
RICHMOND, VA—Sources at the downtown Whole Foods location reported this afternoon that one of the grocery store’s salad bar patrons apparently felt compelled ...
Report: Nation Thinking About Big, Warm Piece Of Cinnamon Coffee Cake Right Now
WASHINGTON—According to a press conference held moments ago by The Food Institute, Americans across the country are all presently picturing a fresh, right-out-of-the-oven warm ...
Paula Deen Releases Delicious New Butter Product Made From Her Breast Milk
SAVANNAH, GA—Expanding a retail line that already includes kitchen supplies, bakeware, and cookbooks, television personality and restaurateur Paula Deen today introduced Deen Farms Butter ...
Chuck E. Cheese's Announces New Lower Prices, But The Restaurants Will Be Dirtier
IRVING, TX—Promoting itself as “America’s best value in family-friendly fun,” pizza restaurant and entertainment center Chuck E.
Restaurant's Extreme Burger Challenge Moved Down To Regular Menu
COLUMBUS, OH—According to staff at Dusty’s Kitchen, the local restaurant’s extreme burger challenge, formerly described as “an insurmountable mountain of beef and ...
Man Eating McChicken Sandwich Can Tell McDonald's Switched Up Antibiotics
SEATTLE—Citing “subtle notes of ethambutol and clindamycin,” longtime McDonald’s customer Chris Hingle reported Thursday that he could discern from the taste of his ...
Man Derives Depressing Amount Of Pride From Hometown Burger Chain
AMARILLO, TX—Frequently mentioning the fact that his hometown of Corpus Christi, TX also happens to be the birthplace of Whataburger, local 31-year-old Chad Derringer ...
Report: No Way This Year's Summer Strawberries Living Up To Hype
WASHINGTON—In the midst of unprecedented buzz over the highly anticipated 2013 crop of summer strawberries, a report issued today by the U.S.
Rescue Chip Sent In To Save Broken Tostito Submerged In 7-Layer Dip
AKRON, OH—Calling the situation dangerous and a rescue operation “very risky,” authorities have confirmed they will now lower a rescue chip into a seven-layer ...
Proud Boston Market CEO Announces Food Hasn't Been This Gross In Years
GOLDEN, CO—Visibly beaming with pride, Boston Market CEO George Michel told reporters Thursday that the food at his restaurant chain “has rarely, if ever ...
Applebee's Introduces New 50 Appetizers For $250 Special
DECATUR, GA—Announcing a special offer aimed at “whetting appetites like never before,” the Applebee’s restaurant chain said Wednesday that for a limited time ...
USDA Rolls Out New School Brunch Program For Wealthier School Districts
WASHINGTON—Declaring that every affluent child in America has the right to a well-balanced brunch, the U.S.
Report: Still Hasn't Been Long Enough To Open Restaurant Called Bin Laden's
WASHINGTON—According to a report released Tuesday by the Pew Research Center, though more than a decade has passed since the events of 9/11 ...
Heartbreaking Yelp Review Says It’s Just Nice To Eat A Meal Around Other People
SOUTH BEND, IN—In an exceedingly depressing review posted Monday on the popular website Yelp, a user identified as Gregg4 gave five stars to local ...
Mississippi Bans Soft Drinks Smaller Than 20 Ounces
JACKSON, MI—Citing a wish to maintain the quality of life for residents across the state, the Mississippi Senate on Thursday passed a bill outlawing ...
FDA Relaxes Definition Of Smoothie
WASHINGTON—In a decision with far-reaching implications for the thick-drink industry, the Food and Drug Administration announced Monday that it is relaxing the standards all ...





















