WASHINGTON, DC– According to a Labor Department report released Monday, foreign sweatshops are seriously diminishing the profitability of domestic sweatshops. "Since January 1999," the report ...

SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA–The International Olympic Committee announced Monday that it will launch a full-scale investigation in the wake of allegations of Olympics-enhancing drug use by ...

TOPEKA, KS—During a speech Monday before members of the Topeka VFW Hall, a concerned Pat Buchanan said that "hundreds of thousands" of U.S ...

SARAJEVO, BOSNIA-HERZEGOVINA—The recent discovery of corruption within the Bosnian government is being overshadowed by the even more shocking discovery that a Bosnian government actually ...

UNITED NATIONS—A U.N. study released Monday reported that U.S. children rank first in the world in hand-mouth coordination. "American children can move ...

SPARTANBURG, SC—The U.N. is condemning the actions of Spartanburg fifth-grader Joshua Fife, who on Monday violated the terms of the 1949 Geneva Convention ...

"They've been giving us the runaround on this money for a long time now, so we had no choice," said Victor Migliore of the ...

PAWTUCKET, RI—With global famine worsening, Hasbro pledged an additional 30 white marbles Monday to hippo-hunger relief efforts. "To see those starving, starving hippos just ...

WASHINGTON, DC—Madeline Albright returned Monday from a “totally amazing” diplomatic visit to Ireland.

WASHINGTON, DC—State Department officials are "deeply concerned" by a just-released report that Vulgarian despot Baron Bomburst has acquired Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, the fantastical ...

ROCKVILLE, MD—In a historic show of wad solidarity, delegates representing gaywads and dorkwads signed the first-ever Wad Alliance Treaty Monday in the cafeteria of ...

LAUSANNE, SWITZERLAND—As the Olympic bribery scandal widens, a stunned world is expressing disbelief over the notion that the Olympics have been tainted by big ...

MOSCOW—Russia came one step closer to eviction Monday when the beleaguered nation's electricity was shut off due to nonpayment. "Russia has been on ...

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL—Herbie, the media-dubbed "Love Bug," became entangled Monday in a series of madcap South American misadventures which ultimately resulted in his ...