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friendships

Area Man Goaded Into Climbing Mt. Everest

ISSUE 44•46 | 11.16.08 | Radio News
Jet Li Hugs 3 Friends At Once

ISSUE 44•44 | 10.29.08 | Radio News
New Roommate Hopes Five-Hour Fuckfest Didn't Keep You Up

ISSUE 44•20 | 05.17.08 | News

OSHKOSH—Brian Penderman went on to explain that the reason his penis was so sore today was because it had repeatedly entered and exited a female vagina. more»
Botanists Vow Not To Discuss Botany During After-Work Drinks

ISSUE 44•17 | 04.22.08 | News in Brief

AMHERST, MA—After years of promising not to discuss work after hours but always failing, botanists at Hampshire College's Agricultural Studies... more»
Mass E-Mail Only Has Four Recipients

ISSUE 44•16 | 04.15.08 | News in Brief

TALLAHASSEE, FL—A self-described mass e-mail containing the subject line "URGENT: Please help!" was sent from Jerrod32@gmail.com to only four... more»
New Roommates Attempt To Find Manly Way Of Saying Good Night

ISSUE 44•03 | 01.17.08 | News in Brief

MINNEAPOLIS—One month after moving into their shared apartment, roommates Nick Horowitz, 23, and Dan Crenshaw, 24, are still trying to... more»
Bar Scene Also Tired Of Area Bachelor

ISSUE 43•48 | 11.27.07 | News in Brief

NEW YORK—Arguing that area bachelor Gary Tate, 34, is "becoming too old for this lifestyle," hundreds of representatives from the New York... more»
Report: Everyone In Hollywood Great Friends

ISSUE 43•43 | 10.26.07 | News

LOS ANGELES—Evidence shows that Hollywood is a town of boundless goodwill and camaraderie, where backstabbing, ego-rivalry, and grudge-holding does not exist. more»
First Orgy After Brian's Death Very Solemn

ISSUE 43•42 | 10.20.07 | News

FAIRFIELD, CA—The orgy was marked by long stretches of silence despite the use of only two ball gags, and began with a melancholy daisy chain on the floor. more»
Bar Skanks Announce Plans To Kiss

ISSUE 43•25 | 06.22.07 | News

COLUMBUS, OH—The skanks would neither confirm nor deny that the kiss would involve tongue, forcing many bargoers to wait and continuously eye the suggestive pair. more»
Evening's Events Immediately Recapped With Digital-Camera Slide Show

ISSUE 43•20 | 05.14.07 | News in Brief

DENVER—Family and friends attending a two-hour birthday dinner for 26-year-old Josh Kebbekus at The Cheesecake Factory yesterday concluded... more»
Area Man Somehow Even Less Popular Than He Was In High School

ISSUE 43•18 | 04.29.07 | Radio News
Just This Once, Let's Stay Up All Night And Do A Bunch Of Coke

ISSUE 43•16 | 04.18.07 | Commentary

Hey guys, listen up for a second. I know this might sound a little crazy, but hear me out. We've all been working really hard lately on the... more»
Friend Who's Into Politics Makes You Feel Stupid Again

ISSUE 44•01 ISSUE 43•13 | 03.27.07 | News in Brief

CHICAGO—Nate Carney, 28, your well-read, politically minded friend of eight years, made you feel ignorant again Tuesday with his incisive... more»
Area Bedroom Has That Weird Jeff Smell, Housemates Report

ISSUE 43•11 | 03.18.07 | Radio News
Any Friend Of Yours Is A Potential Girlfriend Of Mine

ISSUE 43•10 | 03.07.07 | Commentary

You know that you're my man. For real. We've been through a lot together, and I know that you're good people. Likewise, you hang with good people.... more»
Narcoleptic Friend Shown Off

02.13.07 | Newswire
You Look Like You Could Use Someone To Talk To On This 5-Hour Bus Ride

ISSUE 48•17 ISSUE 43•04 | 01.24.07 | Commentary

By Craig Severance more»
Fat Kid Just Wants To Watch You Guys Play

ISSUE 42•47 | 11.22.06 | News in Photos
I Think We Should Start Talking About Starting A Band

ISSUE 42•43 | 10.25.06 | Commentary

I've been thinking. I know we've talked about starting to talk about doing stuff before—like when we said we should think about doing that... more»
Scuba Diver Expressing Either Joy Or Terror

ISSUE 42•43 | 10.24.06 | News in Brief

KEY WEST, FL—Fellow scuba divers who witnessed Sam Gemitter's wild gesticulations, inaudible vocal noises, and bulging, wide-open eyes,... more»
Roommate Deemed Too Incompetent To Clean Bathroom

ISSUE 42•18 | 05.03.06 | News

IOWA CITY, IA—Rob Carrero's dishwashing debacle cast doubt on his ability to clean toilets, much less choose between Windex and Formula 409. more»
Compliment Of Pants Sounds Suspiciously Like Intent To Steal Them

ISSUE 42•16 | 04.19.06 | News in Brief

AUSTIN, TX—The praise leveled at record-store clerk Anton Eklund's tweed pants by longtime friend Bernard Woelters sounds suspiciously like an... more»
RIAA Bans Telling Friends About Songs

ISSUE 41•48 | 11.30.05 | News in Brief

LOS ANGELES—The Recording Industry Association of America announced Tuesday that it will be taking legal action against anyone discovered... more»
Area Baby Doesn't Have Any Friends

ISSUE 41•46 | 11.16.05 | News

TARRYTOWN, NY—Although he's had nearly three months to meet people, stay-at-home misfit Joshua Goldsworthy hasn't made a single friend. more»
Veteran Cop Gets Along Great With Rookie Partner

ISSUE 41•42 | 10.19.05 | News

LOS ANGELES—Hard-boiled narcotics officer Vincent Tate is having so much fun with the new recruit, he "may never retire." more»
14 Feelings Hurt In Local Teasing Incident

ISSUE 41•40 | 10.07.05 | Radio News
Souter Hopes Roberts Is Into Birds

ISSUE 41•37 | 09.14.05 | News in Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—Anticipating the confirmation of federal appeals court Judge John Roberts to the Supreme Court, Justice David Souter expressed... more»
Area Man Hopes To 'Accidentally' See His Roommate's Girlfriend Naked

ISSUE 41•36 | 09.12.05 | Radio News
Lone Man With Six-Pack 'Partying'

ISSUE 41•28 | 07.13.05 | News in Brief

TUCSON, AZ—A party is reportedly underway at 2614 Arcadia Ave., where homeowner Glen Schlatter and no one else is enjoying a six-pack of Olympia Beer. "Yeah, I'm just out here partying," Schlatter told a friend over the phone. "You oughta come down here and join in, it's a real good time." Schlatter, well-known for throwing extremely intimate affairs on weekends, is reportedly considering a whiskey purchase, which would enable him to elevate his partying status to "hearty." more»