gambling

  • Co-Op Casino Robbed Again

    ISSUE 44•47 | 11.17.08 | News in Brief

    ANN ARBOR, MI—The member-owned-and-operated casino known as the Sunshine & Sharing Gaming Cooperative was robbed Tuesday for the fourth time... more»

  • Atlantic City Cocktail Waitress Crowned In Mistress USA Pageant

    ISSUE 44•18 | 04.28.08 | News

    TRENTON, NJ—Contestant mistresses were judged by firmness/roundness of breasts, color of hair, willingness to answer to the name "Hazel," and then breasts again. more»

  • Six-Hour Bus Ride Endured For Slots

    ISSUE 40•36 | 09.08.04 | News

    I-95, NJ—Baltimore resident Gary Drake, 53, endured a six-hour bus ride from Baltimore to Atlantic City Tuesday, drawn by the prospect of feeding coins into a slot machine at a dimly lit casino. more»

  • Satan Depressed All Weekend After Man Opts Out Of Casino Trip

    ISSUE 39•38 | 10.01.03 | News in Brief

    UNCASVILLE, CT—Satan, The Father Of Lies, suffered a dispiriting blow Saturday, when potential sinner Jeffrey Kremer chose to forgo a soul-polluting trip to the Mohegan Sun Resort Casino, The Prince Of Darkness said Monday. "I had hoped that the allure of the bright lights and the promise of instant wealth would tempt Kremer into the mortal sin of avarice," a despondent Lucifer said. "Alas, he told his friends that he felt like spending the day hanging out around the house, instead of joining them at the casino. Curses!" Satan said he hopes that Kremer will at least watch softcore pornography on cable before the week is over. more»

  • Track Winnings Reinvested In Blackjack Futures

    ISSUE 39•02 | 01.22.03 | News in Brief

    ATLANTIC CITY, NJ—Seeking to grow his financial assets, Piscataway, NJ, gambler Richard Pasquale shrewdly reinvested his $2,432 trifecta win in the third race at Belmont Park in high-yield blackjack futures Monday. "The thoroughbred game is so vulnerable to track fluctuations, I thought it would be better to transfer my funds into a more proven money-maker, one with a tremendous upside," said Pasquale, speaking from the blackjack pit at Harrah's Atlantic City casino. "Plus, I got a feeling I'm headed for a hot streak." He then instructed his dealer to hit him. more»

  • Gambling-Addiction Study Gets Out Of Hand

    ISSUE 38•37 | 10.09.02 | News

    LAS VEGAS, NV—A gambling-addiction study by researchers at UNLV's Gaming Studies Research Center has "gotten way out of hand," sources close to the project reported Monday. more»

  • Lottery Loser Angry At Lottery Winner

    ISSUE 38•23 | 06.19.02 | News in Brief

    HARRISBURG, PA—Winona Culvert, a loser in Monday's $113 million Pennsylvania Lottery, expressed anger at Mechanicsburg electrician Clint Furlow, who took home the jackpot after buying a single ticket on a whim. "Who the hell does that asshole think he is?" said Culvert upon seeing the news report of Furlow's victory. "I bought 40 tickets." Culvert added that she needs the prize money far more than Furlow, as she has been on public assistance for the past two years. more»

  • Nevada To Phase Out Laws Altogether

    ISSUE 38•13 | 04.10.02 | News

    CARSON CITY, NV—The Nevada legislature voted Monday to repeal all laws within the state and prohibit the proposal of any new laws. more»

  • Nobel Fever Grips Research Community As Prize Swells To $190 Million

    ISSUE 37•23 | 06.20.01 | News

    STOCKHOLM—The unclaimed Nobel Prize for medicine will allow one lucky scientist to never have to do another research project again. more»

  • Guy On Racetrack P.A. Sounds A Little Depressed Today

    ISSUE 37•17 | 05.10.01 | News in Brief

    SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY–Gordon Asheton, public-address announcer at Saratoga Racetrack, seemed a bit distant Monday, track regular Brad Herman reported. "Usually, [Asheton]'s totally enthusiastic, firing up the crowd," Herman said. "But today, after he said, 'And they're off,' there was kind of a pause and a heavy sigh before he gave the running order. When he announced Daddy's Little Prizefighter as the winner, he barely seemed to care. I hope everything's okay at home." more»

  • This Casino Is So Glamorous!

    ISSUE 36•39 | 11.01.00 | Commentary

    Oh! Oh, my goodness! When Helen and Patty said they were going to take me to a casino, I thought it would be nice, but this is something else! I had no idea the casino would be so glamorous! more»

American Voices »

U.S. Cuts Aid To Pakistan

“Why should everyone in Pakistan have to suffer for one doctor’s foolish decision to rid the nation of a mass murderer?”

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