President To Face Down Monster Attack, Own Demons In Action-Packed Schedule
The press secretary tells reporters that before the president can defeat the monster, he'll have to defeat his greatest enemy of all: his own ...
George w. bush
Bush's Eyelid Accidentally Nailed To Wall
WASHINGTON—President George W. Bush sustained a perforation injury to his right eyelid when a pneumatic nail gun malfunctioned and shot a...
Bush Dragged Behind Presidential Motorcade For 26 Blocks
KANSAS CITY, MO—President Bush sustained serious head injuries, massive internal bleeding, and a broken left leg Monday morning after being...
Bush Passes Three-Pound Kidney Stone
WASHINGTON—President Bush collapsed in the Oval Office after spontaneously expelling a 3-pound kidney stone from his bladder, sources...
In Thanksgiving Tradition, Bush Pardons Scooter Libby In Giant Turkey Costume
The pardon assures that Libby will not face any more repercussions for his role in the Valerie Plame scandal or be eaten on Thanksgiving.
Crocodile Bites Off Bush's Arm
HOMESTEAD, FL—A 14-foot crocodile bit off President Bush's left arm at the shoulder Monday, a White House memo reported. Bush, who was...
Bush Tumbles Wildly Down Washington Monument Staircase
WASHINGTON—President George W. Bush sustained 24 broken bones, massive internal hemorrhaging, and a severe concussion Monday after falling...
Bush: 'Can I Stop Being President Now?'
WASHINGTON—In a press conference held this morning on the White House lawn, President Bush formally asked the assembled press corps and members of his ...
Bush Asks Advice For This Friend Of His Who Invaded Iraq
WASHINGTON—President George W. Bush has reportedly been soliciting advice from White House aides for a friend of his who ordered military...
Bush Calls For Panic
WASHINGTON—Many call the plan Bush's most well-thought-out proposal to date which calls for hysterical fear, dry heaving, and the legalization of trampling.
Bush Calls In National Marching Band To Lift U.S. Spirits
WASHINGTON—President Bush called the Coalition of Instrumentalists and Minstrels, more commonly known as the national marching band, to...
Economists Warn Anti-Bush Merchandise Market Close To Collapse
The sudden drop in demand for "Buck Fush" T-shirts and "Hail to the Chimp" posters could leave millions unemployed.
Struggling Air Force One To Begin Selling Passenger Tickets
WASHINGTON—To stay competitive, the airline will charge a fee of $25 for passengers bringing extra luggage on board, such as fishing gear or a ...
Bush Told To Sign Birthday Treaty For Someone Named 'Kyoto'
WASHINGTON—Enlisted by members of the House and Senate, presidential aide Rebecca Tandy brought a copy of the international climate-change...
Bush Lifts Offshore Drilling Ban
To give the appearance of combating high oil prices, President Bush lifted a long-standing executive order prohibiting offshore drilling. What do...
Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency
President Bush will seek to comfort victims of his presidency as they try to make sense of the destruction he has caused.
Bush Says He Still Believes Iraq War Was The Fun Thing To Do
WASHINGTON—What naysayers don't understand, Bush said, is that "when it comes to fighting terrorism, there's no harm in letting loose and painting ...
