WASHINGTON, DC—Political scientists at the Cato Institute announced Monday that they have inadvertently synthesized a previously theoretical...

WASHINGTON, DC—In testimony before Congress Tuesday, beleaguered Postmaster General John E. Potter stated that last month's nationwide...

TALLAHASSEE,FL—"If governors can't execute prisoners legally in prisons, they're going to turn elsewhere for the procedure," said Dr. Daniel Blecker.

Panelists discuss ways to care for the nation's paranoid schizophrenics, such as hiding cameras in their homes or audio transmitters in their ears.

WASHINGTON, DC—According to a report released Monday, the cost of American freedom has soared from its previous 1779 high of bravery,...

WASHINGTON, DC—Meandering throngs walked for blocks in every direction, all the while chanting inspiring slogans like "What a beautiful day."

WASHINGTON, DC —Thanks to the group's tireless efforts, six generations of civilians have never known the cruelty and duress of quartering unruly foot-soldiers.

WASHINGTON, DC— "I agree we need this scientific apparatus, because, in the end, science is more important than it is unimportant," Rep. Bart Gordon (D-TN ...

WASHINGTON, DC—Ever since his divorce from his wife of 22 years became final in June, Rep. Chuck Brunet (R-NC) sees "Mary's face in ...

NEW BEDFORD, MA—"I fought in Korea, and by God I would do it again," said 76-year-old Ronald Schroyer, who immediately retook his seat.

WASHINGTON, DC—Rookie Secret Service agent Daniel Ferris, 32, expressed disappointment Monday upon learning there is not a series of...

WASHINGTON, DC—The Must Act Now Act authorizes the federal government to take full advantage of "sensational savings" on select and already-reduced merchandise.

WASHINGTON, DC—Armed with neatly lettered signs, the mob angrily chanted "Down With the Idea of Executive Privilege, Both In General And As It Relates ...

WASHINGTON, DC—Once restricted to only those who had been extra good, seconds will now be made available to the general public in over-the-kitchen-counter form.

PARAMUS, NJ—"I'd love for students to make Santas with big, bushy beards, but times are tough, and cotton balls don't grow on ...

WASHINGTON, DC—From atop the broad back of his steed, LaFollette, the Mysterious Congressman (D-WI) warned of his intentions to confront opponents with deadly wit.

WASHINGTON, DC—The Environmental Protection Agency issued a bulletin Tuesday warning the bodies of American citizens, with their large...