PEORIA, IL—The EPA issued a warning Monday to the greater Peoria area regarding the "dangerously delicious" ham being prepared by Cora Daly of Riverside ...

CITRUS HEIGHTS, CA—Joshua Colquitt, a Citrus Heights-area 5-year-old, was diagnosed Monday with inoperable cancer of the tummy.

DEARBORN, MI—The power of Extra-Strength Excedrin© was not needed Monday, when laid-off marketing executive Phillip Garden suffered a splitting headache for which he had ...

OREM, UT—A routine visit to the doctor ended in confusion Monday when Ray Lyons was asked to undress for an examination that did not ...

NEW YORK—Bowing to pressure from PETA, the Revlon Corporation said all its products will be rigorously tested on flora.

SOMERSET, NJ—Beleaguered parents worldwide are hailing Johnson Laboratories' new miracle drug Serenex, a single dose of which immobilizes the vocal cords of infants, rendering ...

BALTIMORE—Doctors at Johns Hopkins University announced Monday that after years of research and millions of dollars spent, no progress has been made in the ...

On Jan. 26, just four days after visiting the doctor for what he thought was severe indigestion or maybe an ulcer, Russ Kunkel got the ...

NOGALES, MEXICO—After nearly 20 years on the run, Grammy-winning singer-songwriter Christopher Cross finally reached the Mexican border Monday. "I had such a long way ...

BOSTON—A groundbreaking study released Monday by the American Medical Association, conducted in conjunction with the National Organization of Craft and Hobby Retailers, finds that ...

OMAHA, NE—Donald Muller, a 33-year-old Omaha near-virgin, may never find out if the Ramses Extra Sensitive condom in his wallet is still good, it ...

YPSILANTI, MI—According to new tenant Patricia Croland, the previous occupant of Apt. 12C at 208 Hill Street was clearly not the least bit bothered ...

ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS, NJ—The act of swallowing will soon be easier for millions of food-shoveling Americans.

PHILADELPHIA—America has 15 veterinarians per 1,000 dogs, compared to Rwanda's one doctor per 1,000 humans.

ITHACA, NY—A radical new anti-aging hormone that promises to add years to humans’ pointless lives has been discovered.

BOSTON–A report published in the Aug. 25 issue of The New England Journal Of Medicine indicates that the average American receives 87 percent of ...

SALT LAKE CITY, UT–In what is believed to be the largest group ovulation in history, more than 20,000 Lilith Fair performers and attendees ...

MILWAUKEE, WI—The patient will be able to enjoy a long, happy life as long as he doesn't overexert himself by attempting to walk.