High School

Former Prom King Now Living Anonymously Among Commoners

ISSUE 46•08 | 02.22.10 | News

GRESHAM, OR—Towering feats of revelry and sexual conquest, hailed and exalted in their day by the former sovereign’s underlings, have over the years vanished slowly into the mists of time, their fiery glow reduced to but a few dying embers in the pit. more»
Gay Teen Worried He Might Be Christian

ISSUE 46•02 | 01.12.10 | News

LOUISVILLE, KY—"The other week, I was this close to picketing in front of an abortion clinic," the mortified teenager said, his eyes welling up with tears. "I felt so ashamed, yet, at the same time, it was all strangely titillating." more»
College Freshman Makes Triumphant Return To High School

ISSUE 45•45 | 11.07.09 | News

COCONUT CREEK, FL—"I'm back, Bayshore High," 18-year-old Henry Doyle announced as he pulled his mother's Toyota Camry slowly into the parking lot normally reserved for faculty, emerging with a knowing grin. "Bet you never thought you'd see the likes of me again!" more»
Group Of Popular Girls Reduces Nation To Tears

ISSUE 45•44 | 10.30.09 | News

NEW YORK—"It's like they don't even know I'm alive," said John Green, 91, of Miami. "I don't know why I let it bother me. I've lived a rich, rewarding life. But they're so pretty, and their hair is so perfect." more»
Loser Senior Takes Loser Freshman Under His Wing

ISSUE 45•36 | 09.04.09 | News

MARGATE, FL—Senior Chris Payack claims to have imparted much wisdom to the freshman, including the locations of bathrooms with working locks on the stalls, the perks of being a media center aide, and the names of sympathetic teachers who will let you eat lunch with them in their classrooms. more»
Shitload Of Math Due Monday

ISSUE 44•49 | 12.05.08 | News

OLD BRIDGE, NJ—Students dreaded spending all day Sunday with some retarded math book, especially one that doesn't have any of the freaking answers in the back. more»
Wealthy Teen Nearly Experiences Consequence

ISSUE 44•39 | 09.27.08 | News

SOMERSET, NJ—"It’s frightening to think I was so close to learning how society works outside the protected sphere of wealth and privilege," said Charles Wentworth. more»
Alumni Furious Over High School's Constant Improvements

ISSUE 44•33 | 08.15.08 | News in Brief

TRAVERSE CITY, MI—Former students of Traverse City High School became utterly incensed Wednesday after learning their alma mater had... more»
Biggest Loser In High School Adjusting To Being Ordinary Loser In College

ISSUE 44•33 | 08.15.08 | News in Brief

COLUMBIA, SC—University of South Carolina loser freshman Robert Larkin, formerly the anchor of Norrix High School's weekly news broadcast... more»
Class Of '88 Reunion Attendees Once Again Trick Sue Thorpe Into Thinking Jeff Urban Likes Her

ISSUE 44•28 | 07.08.08 | News in Brief

ABERDEEN, ID—While attending her 20-year high school reunion Monday, 38-year-old claims adjuster Sue Thorpe was once again tricked into... more»
I Strongly Disagree With Connellsville High School's Choice For The John Philip Sousa Award

ISSUE 44•03 | 01.16.08 | Commentary

It is with heavy heart that I, John Philip Sousa, composer and patriot, address you today for the purpose of setting right a great injustice.... more»
Report: School Shootings Help Prepare Students For Being Shot In Real World

ISSUE 43•35 | 08.30.07 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—"What hope do our children have if they're not constantly terrified of being shot dead?" said Diane Gallo, director of No Wounded Child Left Behind. more»
Nude Model Suspects She's Posing For Civics Class

ISSUE 43•33 | 08.16.07 | News in Brief

DOVER, DE—Model Sherri Rawlings, 24, told reporters yesterday that she has a "lingering feeling" that, for the past week, she has been... more»
Point/Counterpoint: We Have A Unique Opportunity To Change The World

ISSUE 43•25 | 06.20.07 | Point/Counterpoint

When I sat down to write this speech, I thought a lot about what I had learned over the past four years. On the first day of classes, we were 106... more»
High School Student Whines His Way To 4.0 GPA

ISSUE 43•22 | 05.30.07 | News in Brief

JAMESTOWN, VA—Jamestown High School senior and National Merit Scholar Jason Wagner successfully whined his way to a 4.0 GPA for the fourth... more»
In Need Of Dedication, Yearbook Staff Sacrifices Homecoming King

ISSUE 43•21 | 05.26.07 | News

ALBANY, NY—˜The decision to drug Edwards and push his car off a cliff came after a year void of fatal bus crashes, teacher death, and other rich yearbook dedication material. more»
Area Man Somehow Even Less Popular Than He Was In High School

ISSUE 43•18 | 04.29.07 | Radio News
High School Production Of Our Town Features Line Memorization

ISSUE 43•14 | 04.05.07 | News in Brief

MORGANTOWN, WV—Surprised audience members reported Sunday that Morgantown High School's production of Thornton Wilder's Pulitzer... more»
New SAT Section Tests Ability To Pay Tuition

ISSUE 43•14 | 04.02.07 | News in Brief

PRINCETON, NJ—The Educational Testing Service, developer of the Scholastic Aptitude Test, is creating a new section on the standardized... more»
High School Student Council Passes Nonbinding Resolution

ISSUE 43•10 | 03.05.07 | News in Brief

BARSTOW, CA—In a move intended to send an "unmistakably clear message" to Barstow County High School Principal Robert McCluskey, the... more»
Teacher's Leave Of Absence Shrouded In Legend

ISSUE 43•06 | 02.09.07 | News

MOBILE, AL—"He was a pot addict, and he went mental, and they took him away to a mental institution," concluded Gregory Oswald, 13, though other theories are still being considered. more»
Why It's Cool To Suck At Math

ISSUE 43•03 | 01.19.07 | Sunday Magazine
Failed Attempt At Hyperbole Yields Dead-On Statistic

ISSUE 42•50 | 12.13.06 | News in Brief

TOANO, VA—In an unsuccessful attempt Wednesday to illustrate a point through exaggeration, high-school senior Abby Hollard accurately... more»
Wheelchair-Bound Student Would Have Preferred To Sit Out Pep Rally

ISSUE 42•49 | 12.10.06 | Radio News
Student Pulls All-Nighter For 'What Does Thanksgiving Mean To You' Assignment

ISSUE 42•47 | 11.21.06 | Radio News
Student Fills In New Essay Portion Of SAT With All C's

ISSUE 42•40 | 10.04.06 | News in Photos
Underfunded School Lacks Resources To Calculate Student-To-Teacher Ratio

ISSUE 42•40 | 10.02.06 | News in Brief

PHILADELPHIA—Budget cuts and unfulfilled requests for federal funding have left Philadelphia's East Central High School without the vital... more»
Two-Thirds Of High- School Marching Band Just Pretending To Play

ISSUE 42•38 | 09.20.06 | News in Photos
Graduation Speech Suggests Valedictorian Is Pregnant

ISSUE 42•22 | 05.31.06 | Radio News
After 25 Years, I Finally Figured Out How To Impress High-School Girls

ISSUE 42•20 | 05.15.06 | Commentary

We all know how intimidating it can be to talk to high-school girls. I used to be too afraid and self-conscious to even make eye contact for more... more»

high school

Former Prom King Now Living Anonymously Among Commoners

Gay Teen Worried He Might Be Christian

College Freshman Makes Triumphant Return To High School

Group Of Popular Girls Reduces Nation To Tears

Loser Senior Takes Loser Freshman Under His Wing

Shitload Of Math Due Monday

Wealthy Teen Nearly Experiences Consequence

Alumni Furious Over High School's Constant Improvements

Biggest Loser In High School Adjusting To Being Ordinary Loser In College

Class Of '88 Reunion Attendees Once Again Trick Sue Thorpe Into Thinking Jeff Urban Likes Her

I Strongly Disagree With Connellsville High School's Choice For The John Philip Sousa Award

Report: School Shootings Help Prepare Students For Being Shot In Real World

Nude Model Suspects She's Posing For Civics Class

Point/Counterpoint: We Have A Unique Opportunity To Change The World

High School Student Whines His Way To 4.0 GPA

In Need Of Dedication, Yearbook Staff Sacrifices Homecoming King

Area Man Somehow Even Less Popular Than He Was In High School

High School Production Of Our Town Features Line Memorization

New SAT Section Tests Ability To Pay Tuition

High School Student Council Passes Nonbinding Resolution

Teacher's Leave Of Absence Shrouded In Legend

Why It's Cool To Suck At Math

Failed Attempt At Hyperbole Yields Dead-On Statistic

Wheelchair-Bound Student Would Have Preferred To Sit Out Pep Rally

Student Pulls All-Nighter For 'What Does Thanksgiving Mean To You' Assignment

Student Fills In New Essay Portion Of SAT With All C's

Underfunded School Lacks Resources To Calculate Student-To-Teacher Ratio

Two-Thirds Of High- School Marching Band Just Pretending To Play

Graduation Speech Suggests Valedictorian Is Pregnant

After 25 Years, I Finally Figured Out How To Impress High-School Girls

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