History

First McDonald's Opens With A Young Grimace Just Starting Out As A Cashier

ISSUE 48•21 | 05.22.12 | This Week In History

The Onion reflects on Bette Davis’s film debut as a piece of chocolate cake, Lindbergh’s historic flight across the Atlantic Ocean after decades of disastrous test runs with dog pilots, and the opening of the first McDonald’s with a young Grimace just starting out as a cashier. more»
Alabama Hosts First Desegregated Mass Suicide

ISSUE 48•20 | 05.15.12 | This Week In History

The Onion looks back at Alabama's first desegregated mass suicide, the historic V.E. Day Speech from FDR's rotting corpse, and the completion of the transcontinental railroad with the gold-plated femur of a Chinaman. more»
This Week In History: Sears Tower Constructed With Bold Challenge To God Engraved On Roof (1972)

ISSUE 48•19 | 05.08.12 | This Week In History

The Onion reflects on the discovery of the first lesbian, the joyous Hindenburg explosion, and the Sears Tower's challenge to God more»
Historians Politely Remind Nation To Check What's Happened In Past Before Making Any Big Decisions

ISSUE 47•39 | 09.28.11 | News

WASHINGTON—With the United States facing a daunting array of problems at home and abroad, leading historians courteously reminded the nation Thursday that when making tough choices, it never hurts to stop a moment, take a look at similar situations from the past, and then think about whether the decisions people made back then were good or bad. more»
Popular 1920s Dance Originated As Way To Terrorize Jews (Season 1: Ep 6 on IFC)

ISSUE 47•36 | 09.06.11 | Onion News Network On IFC

In "This Day In History," Tucker Hope investigates the dance once used to terrorize Jewish shop owners. more»
Hey, Where Did All My Stuff Go?

ISSUE 44•37 | 09.10.08 | Commentary

Well this sucks. I leave the realm of the living to roam the underworld for a few thousand years, return to my burial place to enjoy all my... more»
Man Realizes Fly Has Been Down For Entire Life

ISSUE 44•32 | 08.09.08 | News

CHICAGO—"You mean this entire time? On the bus? During my first communion?" Fred Havemeyer said. "Oh, Christ, the 60s! I just remembered the 1960s." more»
Chuck Berry Remembers Call From Cousin About White Kid Playing 'Johnny B. Goode'

ISSUE 44•16 | 04.18.08 | News in Brief

WENTZVILLE, MO—In a shocking revelation that turns a half century of rock-and-roll history on its head, legendary musician Chuck Berry recalled... more»
Time Traveler: Everyone In The Future Eats Dippin' Dots

ISSUE 44•13 | 03.26.08 | News

NEW YORK—"What is this melting dessert of churned animal's milk?" said the man, who came from a future world where Dippin' Dots is the sole ice cream for sale. more»
Area Senior Remembers A Simpler Time When His Anus Didn't Leak

ISSUE 44•05 | 02.02.08 | News

CARSON CITY, NV—Once, movies were a quarter, soda pop only cost a nickel, and Hank Fletcher's sphincter was strong enough to expand and contract when he intended. more»
Bush Begins Preparations For Nation's Final Year

ISSUE 44•02 | 01.05.08 | News

WASHINGTON—The president assured citizens he would do everything possible over next few months to promote a smooth transition into utter oblivion. more»
Crime Scene Investigators Find Arrowhead

ISSUE 43•46 | 11.16.07 | News

BALTIMORE—Police were shocked to discover an arrowhead that could be thousands of years old lying right next to the partially decomposed bodies of two children. more»
If Elected, I Will Have The Hottest First Lady In U.S. History

ISSUE 43•42 | 10.17.07 | Commentary

My fellow Americans, in the coming presidential election, the voters of this nation will plot a course for the future. There are many candidates,... more»
Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame Retires 'D' Chord

ISSUE 43•41 | 10.11.07 | News in Brief

CLEVELAND—The D chord, famed for its part in innumerable classic rock songs, including "Back in Black," "Bad Moon Rising," and "Don't Be... more»
Class Clown Has Nothing On Wilmot Proviso

ISSUE 43•39 | 09.28.07 | News in Brief

KENNESAW, GA—During his American history class at Hebron Elementary School Wednesday, fifth-grader Jake Hensley was unable to produce a... more»
Ford Reintroduces Model T Line That Made It Great

ISSUE 43•37 | 09.12.07 | News

DEARBORN, MI—"We've been so concerned with adding frills like GPS and exhaust pipes that we forgot what really matters: open-air bench seating," CEO Alan Mulally said. more»
Pitchfork Gives Music 6.8

ISSUE 43•37 | 09.10.07 | News

CHICAGO—According to the review, the popular medium that predates the written word shows promise but nonetheless "leaves the listener wanting more." more»
August 6, 1903

ISSUE 43•31 | 08.03.07 | History

Black Still Color Of Choice This Fall more»
New Theories Suggest Kennedy Wasn't Shot

ISSUE 43•30 | 07.28.07 | News

DALLAS, TX—The fatal trauma to Kennedy's head on Nov. 22, 1963 originated internally, some theorists now allege. more»
July 20, 1985

ISSUE 43•29 | 07.20.07 | History

Victory! U.S. Wins Vietnam War at Last more»
Retired Gen. George Washington Criticizes Bush's Handling Of Iraq War

ISSUE 47•52 ISSUE 43•23 | 06.06.07 | News

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Revolutionary War veteran noted that while Hussein was a tyrant, that alone did not justify a "conflict that seems without design or end." more»
June 8, 1944

ISSUE 43•23 | 06.04.07 | History

War Rationing Board Restricts Nylon Use to Armed Forces, J. Edgar Hoover Only more»
Unconventional Director Sets Shakespeare Play In Time, Place Shakespeare Intended

ISSUE 43•22 | 06.02.07 | News

MORRISTOWN, NJ—"When most people hear The Merchant of Venice, they think 1960s Las Vegas, but it's time to shake things up," said maverick director Kevin Hiles. more»
I Believe In Evolution, Except For The Whole Triassic Period

ISSUE 43•22 | 05.30.07 | Commentary

I consider myself a rational person. When I have a question, I turn to science and logic to find the answer. Regarding the origins of life,... more»
Carter Blasts Bush's Foreign Policy

ISSUE 43•21 | 05.22.07 | American Voices

In an interview with the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, former President Jimmy Carter referred to the Bush administration's foreign policy as the "worst... more»
Elie Wiesel Mortified After Rereading Night

ISSUE 43•20 | 05.19.07 | News

BOSTON—"The sentence structure is artless and the plot is repetitive at best," said Wiesel, ashamed that his first book even made it to print. more»
May 13, 1932

ISSUE 43•20 | 05.14.07 | History

Lindbergh Baby Found Dead: Police Vow to Convict Non-English-Speaking Immigrant 'At Any Cost' more»
John Glenn Installed In Smithsonian

ISSUE 43•13 | 03.31.07 | Radio News
The Secret

ISSUE 43•11 | 03.14.07 | Infographic

The Secret—the new self-help book and DVD that purports to channel ancient wisdom and claims that if you ask the universe for... more»
March 14, 1945

ISSUE 43•11 | 03.12.07 | History

Our First Lesbian President more»

history

First McDonald's Opens With A Young Grimace Just Starting Out As A Cashier

Alabama Hosts First Desegregated Mass Suicide

This Week In History: Sears Tower Constructed With Bold Challenge To God Engraved On Roof (1972)

Historians Politely Remind Nation To Check What's Happened In Past Before Making Any Big Decisions

Popular 1920s Dance Originated As Way To Terrorize Jews (Season 1: Ep 6 on IFC)

Hey, Where Did All My Stuff Go?

Man Realizes Fly Has Been Down For Entire Life

Chuck Berry Remembers Call From Cousin About White Kid Playing 'Johnny B. Goode'

Time Traveler: Everyone In The Future Eats Dippin' Dots

Area Senior Remembers A Simpler Time When His Anus Didn't Leak

Bush Begins Preparations For Nation's Final Year

Crime Scene Investigators Find Arrowhead

If Elected, I Will Have The Hottest First Lady In U.S. History

Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame Retires 'D' Chord

Class Clown Has Nothing On Wilmot Proviso

Ford Reintroduces Model T Line That Made It Great

Pitchfork Gives Music 6.8

August 6, 1903

New Theories Suggest Kennedy Wasn't Shot

July 20, 1985

Retired Gen. George Washington Criticizes Bush's Handling Of Iraq War

June 8, 1944

Unconventional Director Sets Shakespeare Play In Time, Place Shakespeare Intended

I Believe In Evolution, Except For The Whole Triassic Period

Carter Blasts Bush's Foreign Policy

Elie Wiesel Mortified After Rereading Night

May 13, 1932

John Glenn Installed In Smithsonian

The Secret

March 14, 1945

American Voices »

U.S. Cuts Aid To Pakistan