Arab-American Actually Kind Of Enjoys Always Having 2 Bus Seats To Self
CHICAGO—While stressing that racial profiling is degrading and has made his life more difficult in a great many ways, 29-year-old Egyptian-American Tarek Yasin admitted ...
Human interest
TV Viewer Relates To Totally Unbelievable Character That Could Never Exist In Reality
JONESBORO, AR—Claiming to share many of the same personality traits, 28-year-old Matthew Brooks revealed Wednesday that he strongly identifies with the protagonist from his ...
Future Christian Drinking And Doing Drugs And Thinking It's One Big Joke
WAUKEGAN, IL—Without any concern for what his self-destructive habits are doing to him and to his relationship with the Lord, future born-again Christian Travis ...
Amputee Inspires Others Not To Lose Limbs
EAGLE POINT, OR—Though local man Bret Kurtsin has had to overcome many personal obstacles since having his legs amputated seven years ago, it has ...
Terrible Artist Thinks Latest Piece Really Represents A Culmination Of Everything He’s Been Working Toward All His Life
BURLINGTON, VT—Citing a lifetime of deep commitment to the creative process, profoundly untalented painter Todd Reese told reporters Saturday that his newest mixed-media piece ...
Jovial Man Must Not Be Aware He Works At Airport Burrito Restaurant
DENVER—According to bewildered sources near gate B52 at Denver International Airport, the man cheerfully and energetically going about his tasks behind the counter of ...
Wedding DJ Finally Gets The Chance To Listen To Some Black Eyed Peas On His Own Time
HAVERHILL, MA—Finding himself with an unexpected weekend off during the height of his busiest season, wedding DJ and pop music enthusiast Shawn DeFleur took ...
Woman, Gay Best Friend Go On Another One Of Their Little Adventures
PASADENA, CA—With the intention of letting loose, hitting the town, and maybe even "getting into a little mischief," Christine Fehrman, 33, and her closest ...
Dead Daughter Would Have Wanted $220 Million Liability Settlement
ASHEVILLE, NC—The deceased daughter of James and Martha Hagerty would have wanted her parents to relentlessly pursue a $220 million liability settlement against the ...
Middle-Aged Woman Angrily Demanding Price Check On Rice Pudding Was Once Carefree Youth, Onlookers Speculate
WESTBROOK, ME—Once, perhaps very many years ago, the enraged 42-year-old woman currently berating a Hannaford supermarket cashier over the price of a package of ...
Nude Man Who Locked Self Out Of House Delivers Moving Treatise On Human Condition To Slowly Gathering Crowd
Shortly after locking himself out of his home, stark naked claims adjuster David Ronzo reportedly delivered a stirring and thought provoking philosophical treatise to a ...
Nude Man Who Locked Self Out Of House Delivers Moving Treatise On Human Condition To Slowly Gathering Crowd
ST. CLOUD, MN—Shortly after discovering he had locked himself out of his suburban home, stark naked 43-year-old claims adjuster David Ronzo began to deliver ...
Obama Asks Staff To Try To Include National Security Adviser A Little More
'He's Having A Tough Time Fitting In,' Sympathetic Commander In Chief Says
WASHINGTON—According to White House sources, President Obama gently urged his staff Monday to try to include national security adviser Thomas Donilon a little more ...
Anxiety-Ridden Man Rightly Ashamed Of Every Single Thing He Does
'We Are All Silently Judging Him At Every Moment, Just As He Suspects,' Acquaintances Say
OAKLAND, CA—Friends and colleagues of copywriter Timothy Gibula confirmed Wednesday that the anxiety-ridden 36-year-old is right to feel ashamed of every single thing he ...
Shitty Graffiti Artist Captures 19-Year-Old Girl's Heart
'He's Also A Terrible DJ!' Teen Squeals
CLAREMONT, CA—From the moment she first laid eyes on his clumsy, haphazardly sprayed graffiti tag, Pomona College sophomore Jessica Tisselo has been completely enamored ...
6-Year-Old Boy Thinks He Might Be Too Old To Be In Women's Locker Room
STAMFORD, CT—Admitting to a growing sense of unease, 6-year-old Zachary Barrett confided to reporters Monday that he might be getting too old to continue ...
U.S. Births Drop Again
The number of births in the United States dropped for the third consecutive year in 2010, with birthrates in many age groups hitting an all-time ...
High Integrity, Moral Decency Has Cost Idiot Man Millions
CHARLESTON, SC—With its firm grounding in honesty, loyalty to friends, and a strong spirit of generosity, the asinine ethical code of Kevin Premus has ...
Breaking: Jessica Milly To Start Putting Out
DEARBORN, MI—In a shocking revelation that has rocked Thomas E. Dewey High School, sources in Mrs. Trimble’s third-period English class are now confirming ...
