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immigration

Report: Caucasians Will Soon Be A Minority In Their Own Goddamn Country

ISSUE 47•45 | 11.10.11 | Radio News
Join The Campaign Against Laura Miller, Spanish Teacher, Traitor

ISSUE 47•11 | 03.18.11 | Blog

With the help of viewers like you, the Onion News Network was able to join the fight of patriot Kyle Johnson and get his Spanish teacher Laura Miller fired. more»
Texas Immigration Bill Includes Domestic-Worker Loophole

ISSUE 47•09 | 03.04.11 | American Voices

The Texas Legislature is considering a bill that would imprison anyone who knowingly hires an illegal alien, except in cases where the employee is a maid, landscaper, or other household worker. more»
Number Of Illegal Immigrants Declining

ISSUE 46•35 | 09.03.10 | American Voices

A study from the Pew Hispanic Center found that with the economy continuing to falter, the number of illegal immigrants in the U.S. more»
Texas Vows To Reclaim Title Of Most Regressive State From Arizona

ISSUE 46•34 | 08.27.10 | News in Brief

AUSTIN, TX—Following a series of embarrassingly backward laws recently enacted in Arizona, Texas governor Rick Perry pledged Wednesday to do everything in his power to reestablish his state as the most regressive in the nation. more»
Stop Making Delicious Food I Can't Stop Eating And Go Back To Mexico

ISSUE 46•34 | 08.24.10 | Commentary

This isn't the country I grew up in anymore. It used to be a place where hardworking Americans could make an honest living, support their families, and feel safe walking the streets. more»
U.S. Deports Lou Dobbs

ISSUE 45•47 | 11.12.09 | News

WANTAGE, NJ—Acting on anonymous tips from within the Hispanic-American community, U.S. Customs and Border Protection officials deported Luis Miguel Salvador Aguila Dominguez, who for the last 48 years had been living illegally in the United States under the name Lou Dobbs. more»
BREAKING: U.S. Deports Lou Dobbs

ISSUE 45•46 | 11.11.09 | News

WANTAGE, NJ—Acting on anonymous tips from within the Hispanic-American community, U.S. Customs and Border Protection officials deported Luis Miguel Salvador Aguila Dominguez, who has been living illegally in the United States under the name Lou Dobbs for 48 years. more»
Texas Constructs U.S. Border Wall To Keep Out Unwanted Americans

ISSUE 46•26 ISSUE 45•21 | 05.19.09 | News

WICHITA FALLS, TX—"I have nothing personal against Americans," said Texas Governor Rick Perry. "I just think they should stay in America, where they belong." more»
Wealthy Housewife Learns Spanish For Some Reason

ISSUE 44•38 | 09.22.08 | Radio News
Homeland Security Waives Environmental Law

ISSUE 44•15 | 04.10.08 | American Voices

The Department of Homeland Security used its authority to waive environmental and land-management laws to complete a 670-mile border fence between... more»
Idaho Legislature Declares English Only Language They Know

ISSUE 43•20 | 05.18.07 | News in Brief

BOISE, ID—The Idaho Legislature passed a unanimous resolution Monday declaring English the only language the elected assembly knows how to... more»
May 13, 1932

ISSUE 43•20 | 05.14.07 | History

Lindbergh Baby Found Dead: Police Vow to Convict Non-English-Speaking Immigrant 'At Any Cost' more»
7,000 Iraqis U.S. Bound

ISSUE 43•08 | 02.19.07 | American Voices

The United States has agreed to admit 7,000 Iraqi refugees into the country. What do you think? more»
Immigration Rallies Smaller

ISSUE 42•36 | 09.07.06 | American Voices

Labor Day immigration rallies drew fewer numbers than the marches held from earlier this year. What do you think? more»
Immigration Officials Beef Up U.S.-Mexico Border With Pure Beef

ISSUE 42•21 | 05.27.06 | Radio News
Mexican Immigrants Call For A Day of Action

ISSUE 42•17 | 04.28.06 | American Voices

May 1st will be the next "Day of Action" in which Latino activists will take to the streets to protest restrictive policies against Mexican... more»
April 9, 1942

ISSUE 42•15 | 04.12.06 | History

San Francisco Grocer Henry Nakamura Chief Suspect in Pearl Harbor Bombing more»
Five Percent Of U.S. Workers Are Illegal Aliens

ISSUE 42•10 | 03.09.06 | American Voices

A recent study shows that 5 percent of all workers in the U.S. are illegal immigrants. What do you think? more»
U.S. Immigration Fence?

ISSUE 41•45 | 11.10.05 | American Voices

Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-CA) proposed legislation that would call for the creation of an $8 billion, 2,000-mile fence on the U.S.-Mexico border. What do... more»
Arizona Man Steals Bush's Identity, Vetoes Bill, Meets With Mexican President

ISSUE 41•18 | 05.04.05 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—Confusion and disbelief reigned at the White House after President Bush announced Monday that an Arizona man, known to authorities only as H4xX0r1337, stole his identity and used it to buy electronic goods, veto a bill, and meet with Mexican President Vicente Fox. more»
The Minutemen

ISSUE 41•15 | 04.13.05 | Infographic

A group of volunteers calling themselves the Minutemen began standing sentry on the U.S. side of the Arizona-Mexico border last week to watch for illegal immigrants and smugglers. How are they safeguarding the country? more»
Immigrant Laborers Hired To Delete Spam

ISSUE 41•05 | 02.02.05 | News in Brief

SAN DIEGO—Executives at Gortman Consulting are hiring immigrant day laborers to delete their junk e-mail. "Our employees were wasting hours of valuable time sifting through spam," Gortman CEO Donald Barris said Monday. "Finally, I was like, 'Eureka! Hire some low-cost Hispanic laborers to empty our Outlook Express trashcans.' Our IT van just swings by the docks in the morning and picks up a dozen or so guys." While Barris said the laborers are "happy for the work," labor-rights groups have complained that repeatedly pressing the delete key has caused numerous cases of carpal-tunnel syndrome among migrant spam removers. more»
Ashcroft Loses Job To Mexican

ISSUE 40•46 | 11.17.04 | News in Photos
Maid Dreams Children Will One Day Be Maids In Wealthier Households

ISSUE 40•31 | 08.04.04 | News in Brief

LOS ANGELES—Estella Lopez expressed hope Monday that her children will enjoy a brighter future as housekeepers in wealthier households. "I want my daughters to have a better life than I've had," Lopez said. "I dream that one day they will serve in a beautiful home, polishing windows overlooking the ocean and disinfecting toilets made of marble. God willing, they'll be asked to scrub a bidet someday." Lopez added that she fantasizes about her son parking a Bentley. more»
Bush Vows To Discover, Legalize Aliens On American, Martian Soil

ISSUE 40•03 | 01.21.04 | News in Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—President Bush restated his commitment to the quality and discovery of immigrant and Martian life Monday, calling for increased efforts to register and search for gainfully employed and extraterrestrial aliens. "America must further pursue the quest for a better way of, or undiscovered forms of, life," Bush said Monday. "To this end, I will commission the INS and NASA to assemble committees and probes to explore potential minimum-wage and minimum-risk endeavors in the service sector of the economy and the Olympus Mons sector of Mars." Conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh criticized the endeavor, saying the social and scientific programs will take jobs and money away from domestic workers and domestic security. more»
First-Generation American's Job Taken By His Father

ISSUE 40•02 | 01.14.04 | News in Brief

READING, PA—Miguel Martinez, 48, who immigrated to the U.S. 30 years ago, last week lost his leather-cutting job at GST AutoLeather, Inc. to his 66-year-old father Roberto. "I came to this country in 1974 to make a better life for my family," Martinez said Monday. "But in December, they moved the factory where I've been working for 22 years down to Nuevo Laredo, Mexico. I love my father, but that goddamn beaner stole my job." Martinez's $18-an-hour duties will now be performed by his father for $7 a day. more»
CEO's Marital Duties Outsourced To Mexican Groundskeeper

ISSUE 39•48 | 12.10.03 | News

GROSSE POINTE, MI—The Reinhardt's groundskeeper Jorge offered wife Melanie a very attractive package. more»
Immigrant Workers Vs. Wal-Mart

ISSUE 39•45 | 11.19.03 | Infographic

Hundreds of undocumented immigrants have filed a discrimination and exploitation lawsuit against Wal-Mart. What are the workers' complaints? more»
Indian-American Couple's Accent Makes Fight Adorable

ISSUE 39•36 | 09.17.03 | News in Brief

SAN DIEGO—A witness to an argument between Indian-Americans Soumitra and Vineeta Chattergee reported Monday that she thoroughly enjoyed the vicious fight. "They were at each other's throats, arguing about which one wrote the check that caused an overdraft," said eyewitness Shelly Knight, who was delighted by the heated exchange while standing in line at Citibank. "Usually, I can't stand it when couples go at it in public, but that accent made them sound so cute." Knight added that she was slightly disappointed when Soumitra stormed out. more»