John mccain
New Debate Rules Allow For One 15-Second Strangulation
OXFORD, MS—Amid discussions of possibly postponing the debate altogether, Sens. Barack Obama (D-IL) and John McCain (R-AZ) were able to...
Another Disgusting Operation Proves John McCain Is Healthy
SCOTTSDALE, AZ—In an act designed to completely reassure voters about his health, presidential candidate John McCain checked himself into...
McCain’s Economic Plan For Nation: 'Everyone Marry A Beer Heiress'
McCain pointed to his personal success in marrying a wealthy beer heiress to prove how the plan could benefit every American.
Jewish Voters Push-Polled
Jewish voters in two states have reported they were asked leading questions during a phone survey about Barack Obama intended to sway their opinion....
Rumors Swirl Around Palin
Ever since Sen. John McCain's selection of Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate, the press has been abuzz with rumors about the former ...
McCain's Energy Plan Emphasizes Elbow Grease, Sleeve-Rolling-Up
HOUSTON—While campaigning in Texas Monday, Sen. John McCain delivered a speech outlining his personal energy policy, a plan that offsets...
Top Story On John McCain Run Out Of Obligation
NEW YORK—In order to make room for the McCain article, a story about Vice President Dick Cheney and 9/11 was relegated to a ...
McCain Speechwriter Trying To Write Lines That Don't Lead To Creepy Smile
PHOENIX, AZ—According to campaign sources, Joseph Chappel, a 38-year-old speechwriter for Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), has spent the last two...
Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate May Steal Support From McCain
Experts predict that Joad Cressbeckler could tip the election to Obama by attracting people who want to vote for the most crotchety candidate possible.
McCain Chooses Palin As VP
Republican presidential candidate John McCain has chosen Alaska governor Sarah Palin as his running mate. What do you think?
McCain Cribs Speech From Wikipedia
A Wikipedia editor claims that John McCain's speech about the Russian-Georgian hostilities was largely lifted from the website's entry on Georgia....
Straight Talk Express Hits Van
John McCain's campaign bus collided with a van on Wednesday. What do you think?
Wal-Mart Wants Republican President
Wal-Mart managers have reportedly been told by higher-ups that a Democratic president would lead to unions, less jobs, and less profits for their...
Hilton's Mom Calls McCain Ad 'A Waste Of Money'
John McCain donor Kathy Hilton called the candidate's attack ad comparing Barack Obama to Hilton's daughter Paris "frivolous." What do you...
McCain Addresses NAACP
Presumptive Republican presidential candidate John McCain spoke before the NAACP on Wednesday. What do you think?
'No Values Voters' Looking To Support Most Evil Candidate
Both candidates are stepping up their efforts to attract crucial 'no values voters' by abusing animals and murdering the elderly.
Obama, Clinton, McCain Join Forces To Form Nightmare Ticket
WASHINGTON—"The coming together of these all-star nominees is a clear lose-lose-lose situation for everyone involved," said an NBC political correspondent.
